My bf of six years left me for somebody else.

[samantha_123]

My bf of six years left me for somebody else. I can’t understand it why did he do that to me? He said he loved me but things would not work out between us. I asked him why he said because I didn’t have set career, im lazy, I don’t cook and clean. I told him those are not reasons to leave somebody for. Then I found some pictures of him with some other girl . (Some of the pictures of her were expulsive.) He shows no remorse for what hes done nor does he care. What in the world is he thinking?he obviously is not wife material. Why leave your gf of six years for somebody like that?

[TLCbear]

Sorry for what you're going through. However, seems like he give you a couple of reasons. Regardless of whether you seem to think his reasons are not valid to leave you (or someone else), it was valid for him. Not sure if his reasonings are true, however, if so, after six years, I would have left too. No one wants to deal with an unmotivated, lazy person. Maybe he just got tired of giving you chances. The best thing for you to do is try to move on and learn from this relationship. One day, he may end up regretting his decision and come back, but it's up to you, as to let him back...and if I was you, I wouldn't. Learn from your experiences and try to improve. Just my 2 cents.

[LoveTruthChaos]

He left you because you don't cook and clean after him?

 

He did you a favour by leaving. You don't need s*it like that in your life. I know you can't see it now, but you will someday. He doesn't need a girlfriend - he needs a MOTHER.

 

Best of luck

[PegNosePete]

I asked him why he said because I didn’t have set career, im lazy, I don’t cook and clean. I told him those are not reasons to leave somebody for.

Yes they are, if they are true. I notice you didn't deny they are true. If you're spending most of your time sitting around the house while he is out working, then you should pull your weight and do some household chores. If you were out making the money and he was home all day then you would expect him to do the chores, right? And if you both have jobs then you split the workload 50/50. That is how equal relationships work.

 

Yes he was wrong for cheating, I am not justifying his behaviour in any way. But...

he obviously is not wife material.

Sounds like you're not wife material either.

[leftfield]

Jeez guys, so Samantha isn't perfect, she's just lost a boyfriend of 6 years! OK, no sugar-coating, whether or not you are lazy is besides the point. We don't know enough about either of you or your relationship to judge - but it's over. End of story.

 

The fact is though, he's gone. He's already got someone else, and the only thing left for you to do is grieve for the end of what was a pretty significant relationship, and then focus on yourself. It doesn't matter if the new girl is wife material, like Pete says, he obviously didn't think you were either, otherwise you'd be married. As for the fact he shows no remorse, well frankly why would he. If he didn't think what he was doing was the right thing, then he wouldn't have done it. When I say 'right', I mean right for him of course, which is the most important thing in relationships. You can't expect him to spend the rest of his life with you if his heart wasn't in it, no matter how much yours was, and how much you want him to be with you. "what in the world is he thinking"? He's thinking, "I'm not happy with her, I want to be with someone else".

 

I'm sorry that you're going through such a terrible time right now. But you've come to the right place, lots of people here know how you feel. It is possibly the sh*ttiest feeling in the world to be dumped. I'm also sorry for the harsh realities, but reality is harsh. You know better than anyone here what sort of person he is, and whether or not this is just a stupid fling that will fizzle out and he will come running back. But most of the time, that's not the case. People move on for all sorts of reasons, he's mentioned a few that sound pretty superficial, but perhaps the main reason is - he's met someone else.

 

Keep posting on here Samantha, you may find it helps, but you won't necessarily like what you hear. Good luck to you my dear.

[TheSomberlain]

My bf of six years left me for somebody else. I can’t understand it why did he do that to me? He said he loved me but things would not work out between us. I asked him why he said because I didn’t have set career, im lazy, I don’t cook and clean. I told him those are not reasons to leave somebody for. Then I found some pictures of him with some other girl . (Some of the pictures of her were expulsive.) He shows no remorse for what hes done nor does he care. What in the world is he thinking?he obviously is not wife material. Why leave your gf of six years for somebody like that?

 

My GF of 5 years (LDR BTW) broke up with me a couple weeks ago. I mean, this girl was the love of my life. I had everything planned to be with her. When I met her she was smoking, drinking, and hanging out with a bad crowd (she was a teen). I made her quit smoking and tried my damn hardest to bring the best out of her. My ex comes from a broken home, dad was murdered before she was born, she was molested as a child, beaten, and constantly put down by her mom (even while I was with her). I fell for this girl hard even though I know I was taking a HUGE risk trying to establish a stable relationship with her but she loved me to the bone...for a bit anyway. She was very insecure and a bit unstable. I remember walking through the mall with her one time holding her hand and some girl from class waved to me--my gf let go of my hand, ran away and cried. I didn't put up with stuff like that. I didn't feed into her insecurities because it just reinforces that it's okay. I come from a decent family and my family members treated her like gold. I myself am somewhat of a stable mature guy that is typically successful in whatever I do. I am halfway through a Master's degree that I am paying for. I also paid for my Bachelor's degree in full. My GF spent 2 years going to a satellite campus so she could live at home and I could visit her. So things are going great with this girl for awhile and then she starts hanging out with less desirable people again...not as bad as before but not the type of people I'd hang out with. She became distant and started to get annoyed that I even existed. As she was getting prepared to go to the main campus to live in a dorm, she dropped me like a bad habit.

 

Now let me tell you some of the **** she said when she broke up with me to put things in perspective.

 

1. She gave me **** for still living at home at the age of 24 while I'm completing a Master's degree that I am paying for...despite the fact that the government is paying for ALL of HER education AND her family lived with her step dad's mom until she DIED.

 

I guess I'm a loser in that regard.

 

2. She said that I never loved her and that I was always cold to her because I'd never chase her when she'd run away from the tiniest indiscretions. Not putting up with her insecure drama does not conclude that I didn't love her. One time I called her a "sleepy pokemon" as a cute joke. She got offended by it. I spent HOURS talking to this girl and put my life on hold for her. I had plans to move to her town to become a damn cop...with a MASTER'S degree just so I could be with her. I was willing to take a less desirable job just to move closer to her.

 

Yet, somehow these whole 5 years I never loved her?

 

3. She said that one reason that should could never be with me was because I played games competitively with her (I wasn't an ******* about it, I never got angry) but I didn't just let her win all the time like she was a 5 year old. That's not the point in playing a game....

 

So I guess that makes me an *******.

 

4. Another reason she said she couldn't be with me was because one time we went to the movie theater (this is after years of dating) I decided to stop by the grocery store to get snacks for the movie first because I told her the popcorn was a rip off at the movies (which it is). Granted she knows I'm a broke college student trying to get by she held a grudge about this. We usually split the check when we went out and she always seemed fine with it...mostly because her mom gave her money to go out. Secondly, her mom worked for some rich lady that gave her high priced designer clothes. She sold a pair of boots for $3000. She seemed fine splitting the check whenever possible. But for some damn reason, that popcorn must have been the best popcorn in the world... However, I bought her stuff ALL the time. I got her jewelry, video games, movies, electronics, (not exactly cheap stuff when you're trying to pay for your own college).

 

So I guess I'm a tightwad.

 

In the end, you know what I found out? She left me for some 22 year old guy with a 2 year old kid, no education, and sits around and plays World of Warcraft all day. To this moment, I am heartbroken to the core and take Xanax on a regular basis to keep focused on school.

 

Moral of the story....the reasons are definitely superficial in a lot of breakups. Sometimes the relationship just runs its course for one person and not the other. They don't want to admit it so they just come up with BS reasons. I am by no means a perfect guy. We all say some stupid things to everybody. We called each other names a few times but I always moved past it...she holds grudges. But I NEVER cheated or abused her and always took the time out of my day to give her attention and love.

 

My EX's new BF? Hell no he isn't even BF material as far as I'm concerned, let alone husband material. It ain't always your fault. Just keep that in mind. Sometimes the other person is the F'ed up one and they have no backbone to admit it. If someone loves you, they will encourage you to do something. They will motivate you. They will give you the push they think you need. It's a partnership. We all have flaws. If he thought you were lazy, he should have given you some motivation.

 

The thing that hurt me the most was that my ex said she "resented" me for a year but still played the GF role...telling me she loves me everyday but secretly despising me. Some people are just literally F'ed up people that can't have a stable relationship and it sucks really bad when you fall for them and they just end up inevitably breaking your heart.

 

Don't blame yourself.

 

I made her quit smoking, I tried to bring the best out of her. If she did something I didn't like, I told her. However, she bottled everything up. If someone loves you, they will try their damn hardest to mold you into a better person and bring the best out of you...not sit back and hope that you become what they want.

 

People like your BF will be in and out of relationships their whole life until they get someone pregnant. I've come to the realization that no matter how much I still love my ex to this moment, it would have never worked out. Better to get out of a relationship like that before you have a kid with them. You'll look back and breathe a sigh of relief. I know I will, even though I'm still torn.

Edited November 2, 2010 by TheSomberlain

[samantha_123]

Jeez guys, so Samantha isn't perfect, she's just lost a boyfriend of 6 years! OK, no sugar-coating, whether or not you are lazy is besides the point. We don't know enough about either of you or your relationship to judge - but it's over. End of story.

 

The fact is though, he's gone. He's already got someone else, and the only thing left for you to do is grieve for the end of what was a pretty significant relationship, and then focus on yourself. It doesn't matter if the new girl is wife material, like Pete says, he obviously didn't think you were either, otherwise you'd be married. As for the fact he shows no remorse, well frankly why would he. If he didn't think what he was doing was the right thing, then he wouldn't have done it. When I say 'right', I mean right for him of course, which is the most important thing in relationships. You can't expect him to spend the rest of his life with you if his heart wasn't in it, no matter how much yours was, and how much you want him to be with you. "what in the world is he thinking"? He's thinking, "I'm not happy with her, I want to be with someone else".

 

I'm sorry that you're going through such a terrible time right now. But you've come to the right place, lots of people here know how you feel. It is possibly the sh*ttiest feeling in the world to be dumped. I'm also sorry for the harsh realities, but reality is harsh. You know better than anyone here what sort of person he is, and whether or not this is just a stupid fling that will fizzle out and he will come running back. But most of the time, that's not the case. People move on for all sorts of reasons, he's mentioned a few that sound pretty superficial, but perhaps the main reason is - he's met someone else.

 

Keep posting on here Samantha, you may find it helps, but you won't necessarily like what you hear. Good luck to you my dear.

 

 

Its funny if you only knew this guys flaws... We are not perfect , that not what im trying to be .... If I was a guy I would rather have these flaws in my gf rather then really problems like me having a drug problem or hanging out at the bars.. lol how are we going to get married hes 29 years old and still leaving with his mom and refuses to move out....

[samantha_123]

Yes they are, if they are true. I notice you didn't deny they are true. If you're spending most of your time sitting around the house while he is out working, then you should pull your weight and do some household chores. If you were out making the money and he was home all day then you would expect him to do the chores, right? And if you both have jobs then you split the workload 50/50. That is how equal relationships work.

 

Yes he was wrong for cheating, I am not justifying his behaviour in any way. But...

 

Sounds like you're not wife material either.

 

We dont live together... I have a full time job and two college degrees I just dont have a set carrer right now....

[SimonSerenade]

Hold your head up high and walk away from it, You can't define love by how well or often you do the dishes and wash the carpet, He's just trying to reflect the guilt on to you so he can walk away Scott free, I'll never understand why people leave something so meaningful for something so meaningless but rest assured they all get out of the phase and come to regret it, All you can do now is stay strong and get straight down to no contact, If he come's back then it'll be upto you to either forgive him or throw him away for good, Either way time by yourself will put you in the right direction.

[samantha_123]

Hold your head up high and walk away from it, You can't define love by how well or often you do the dishes and wash the carpet, He's just trying to reflect the guilt on to you so he can walk away Scott free, I'll never understand why people leave something so meaningful for something so meaningless but rest assured they all get out of the phase and come to regret it, All you can do now is stay strong and get straight down to no contact, If he come's back then it'll be upto you to either forgive him or throw him away for good, Either way time by yourself will put you in the right direction.

 

 

You make a lot of good points … When he broke up with me he was so convicted everything was my fault blaming me for everything … throwing everything back in my face… playing mind games with me… texting me that he met somebody then denying it.. …. Hurting me in ways ive never thought he would ….texting me the most hurtful words I would never thought somebody that loved you would ever say things like that… he told me that he” loves me but had to make a very difficult decision”….. I told him he will regret leaving me his response was “that deep down in his heart he knows we are not right together” after six years he tells me that.. Then next week hes with somebody else . Seems heart broken right? I knew things were over between them when he texted me out of the blue…. Yea your right he will fall of his high horse ….I warned him and warned him about his decision .. He has to carry me with him for the right of his life, he cant erase six and a half years like he thinks he can… I have to carry him as well no matter how much I try to forget him there are so many memories that we have built together …. Each relationship that we have will have had has a imprint in our heart .Ive learned a lot from this relationship … Im sure one day he has to come to terms for what he did and has to life with his choice the rest of his life ….