nice-easy-day Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 So I've been seeing a girl casually the last couple of weeks and I feel either I've hit the friend zone or she's stringing me. Not sure which one. I've had to initiate most of the getting together, phone calls, and texts. We live in different towns but not that far apart. She recently said she really likes me but you know how women can turn cold at the drop of a hat. Truth is I'm a little tired of chasing at this point. I really like this girl and hope I can still attract her but I'm done with the effort at this point. Question is: How would you handle this? Am I better off dropping out of site and hoping the whole thing goes away (or she comes back). Or should I talk to her? Every time I've done the "lets talk" thing it was the final nail in the coffin so I'm really hesitant about "the talk" especially since we're not in a serious relationship. What do you think about dropping out of site basically to call her bluff? If she doesn't come around then I can accept that. I just want to leave the options open because I really do like this girl.
Surrealist Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Yep back off, if she comes back well and good. Your continued efforts are becoming demeaning. Don't allow her this level of control over you and your life mate.
Jannah Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I've had to initiate most of the getting together, phone calls, and texts. If this is true, then I agree with Surrealist about backing off a little, let her initiate getting together.
Star Gazer Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I wouldn't drop out of SIGHT completely, but I would pull back only to see if she's as invested as you are.
Green Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 So I've been seeing a girl casually the last couple of weeks and I feel either I've hit the friend zone or she's stringing me. Not sure which one. What does seeing her casually mean? Have you had the balls to KISS/TOUCH her? (and yes you would be the one who would have to initiate this) There is no such thing as the friendzone. The fact that you are even worried about the friendzone tells me you are probably a guy that aproaches romances as if they were a friendship. You know you think that if you are really friendly and do and say everything she want's while avoiding sexual tension because that could get you rejected. So afraid of rejection you just play the role of castraded no sexual desires at all man and expect to some how wear her down... this has a very low chance of working. I've had to initiate most of the getting together' date=' phone calls, and texts. [/quote'] Yeah thats how it works at the start of a relationship as the person who initiates things has the greatest chance of REJECTION and as REJECTION is scary and you are the one with the BALL you should have the COURAGE to face it. We live in different towns but not that far apart. She recently said she really likes me but you know how women can turn cold at the drop of a hat. Truth is I'm a little tired of chasing at this point. Girls are afraid of confrontation so yes they will tell you that you are a "great guy" or what ever and hope you get tired of chasing. I personaly never get tired of chasing a girl I like. Obviously if a girl says "don't call me" I'll listen. But if she just says "your a great guy maybe next week" I'll probably call her some time in the future if I was still single. (not that I would put all my eggs into one basket... u should be chasing other girls too) I really like this girl and hope I can still attract her but I'm done with the effort at this point. Question is: How would you handle this? Am I better off dropping out of site and hoping the whole thing goes away (or she comes back). Or should I talk to her? Every time I've done the "lets talk" thing it was the final nail in the coffin so I'm really hesitant about "the talk" especially since we're not in a serious relationship. Yeah having a conversation of "I like you, do you like me, do you see us going out togather" will just be torture and could actualy screw things up for you even if she did like you. Thats why I need to know have you KISSED/TOUCHED her. You show a girl ROMANCE through ACTIONS... NOT WORDS. So have you been the type of guy to go out on dates or hangouts or what ever you call it with out KISSING her? If so you've doomed yourself and just need to face your fear of REJECTION and try to KISS her as soon as possible. What do you think about dropping out of site basically to call her bluff? If she doesn't come around then I can accept that. I just want to leave the options open because I really do like this girl. That has a low chance of acomplishing anything. Really it sounds like ur just afraid of rejection but I await the answers to my questions mainly the ones about have you KISSED/TOUCHED her and if not WHY?????????
that girl Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I've had to initiate most of the getting together, phone calls, and texts. For a couple of weeks dating, this isn't unusual. Lots of women worry about seeming pushy or assume an interested guy will call so they don't call a guy early one. It doesn't mean anything. I feel either I've hit the friend zone It is easy to know when you're in the friendzone- you've been on multiple dates and there hasn't been any making out.
Author nice-easy-day Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Nope, haven't kissed her on the lips. She's kissed me hi and goodbye on the cheek. I see what you're saying though about how it's important to kiss the girl and maybe that's a mistake I made. I just wanted to take it slow this time around and try something different. It's not that I don't have the balls to do it like you suggest. I've had sex on third dates before and it didn't do me any good: end result would be the same but that's for another thread. So I've only been on two really great dates so far. We've spent some time getting to know each other in chat, phone and texts. Crazy thing is last time we talked on the phone it was a two hour conversation and afterwards she texts me and says how she really feels so comfortable talking to me and feels like she could talk to me for hours on end I also got the whole you're such a good listener and so sweet and she's glad things worked out. I replied in like manner of course. That was a couple of days ago and after our second date. Yesterday I sent a text asking her how she was doing. No reply. She went cold that fast! I wish I knew how to salvage this and pleading isn't an option for me. I've done that with countless girls only to make myself look stupid and lose my dignity.
Author nice-easy-day Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 That has a low chance of acomplishing anything. Really it sounds like ur just afraid of rejection but I await the answers to my questions mainly the ones about have you KISSED/TOUCHED her and if not WHY????????? In above post you'll find some answers to your other questions. So why haven't I kissed her? Is it really out of the question NOT to kiss a girl by the end of the second date? I had the opportunity when we were at a romantic spot talking but I didn't feel like she was letting me in. That's the vibe I was getting but maybe she was just nervous. Sure, I was probably fearful of rejection too but that's water over the dam at this point. As far as rejection goes I pushed past a lot of that with this girl. She cancelled two dates and said no to two other requests but I pursued and worked at it. Normally I would have launched right after the second cancel but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Do you see why I'm getting worn out with this? If it wasn't for her words of reassurance that she's interested I would have been gone already. So Green, I appreciate you (and everyone) taking the time to respond. I get what you're saying about the kiss but that is all in the past now. What I'm interested in is the next step to take. Everyone else says just back off and I agree. I'm sure there are things I could have done differently but there is no changing that. The good news is I met a different girl yesterday and it looks like I have a good chance of her saying yes if I ask her out. Funny how the timing works out doesn't it? It really eases the pain of losing someone you're interested in. Cheers.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 So I've been seeing a girl casually the last couple of weeks and I feel either I've hit the friend zone or she's stringing me. Not sure which one. I've had to initiate most of the getting together, phone calls, and texts. We live in different towns but not that far apart. She recently said she really likes me but you know how women can turn cold at the drop of a hat. Truth is I'm a little tired of chasing at this point. Go with your gut feeling. In my experience, it is almost always right. Interested women can't help initiating contact.
Author nice-easy-day Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Go with your gut feeling. In my experience, it is almost always right. Interested women can't help initiating contact. Yeah man, I hear ya, but I think if I go with my gut I'll just have to talk to her and tell her how I feel. What do I have to lose anyway? It's just another chip off my ego. Give a girl your heart and she'll go after your soul. I may as well just face reality and realize this girl will be no different from the rest. Women have control over me that I can't shake. F-me.
Green Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 My advice is always try KISSING/TOUCHING on the first date. Even if they say no it makes things more clear if you tried. If they refuse to go on another date with you because you RESPECTFULY tried to kiss/touch them then things would have probably never worked out anyway. Usualy they will go out on a second date whether or not you kiss but having tried kissing them on the lips will be romantic.... SEX is not your goal... ROMANCE is and KISSING is romanctic... ALL hookers have SEX for money but many refuse to KISS on the lips... keep that in mind... kissing is the language of love... ROMANCE. My advice kiss this girl on the lips the next time you see her... you may have already ruined any chance you had with ur mixed signals of not kissing after many meetings with her.
Author nice-easy-day Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 My advice kiss this girl on the lips the next time you see her... you may have already ruined any chance you had with ur mixed signals of not kissing after many meetings with her. We have a date tentatively planned this week. I'm going to take your advice and kiss her It makes perfect sense that I'm probably sending her mixed signals and I guess I didn't realize that. I wanted to take it slow and find out if I liked this girl first before I moved on to the romance but then I got to thinking about it. Sometimes in life you just have to go for it. I'm sure that's what she wants too and will find it attractive. Now as for the kiss... I was waiting for the perfect romantic setting to do it hoping to get a long and romantic kissing session. It sounds to me like you suggest when I pick her up at her place just kiss her on the lips right then and there. I would expect it would just be a 'peck' on the lips. I wouldn't plan to get too wet about it right there on her doorstep. Or I could wait till the end of the night but then our time together will be "mixed signals" yet again. Better to lay it on the line in the beginning so the rest of the date she'll know where I stand. What do you think?
Green Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 We have a date tentatively planned this week. I'm going to take your advice and kiss her It makes perfect sense that I'm probably sending her mixed signals and I guess I didn't realize that. I wanted to take it slow and find out if I liked this girl first before I moved on to the romance but then I got to thinking about it. Sometimes in life you just have to go for it. I'm sure that's what she wants too and will find it attractive. Now as for the kiss... I was waiting for the perfect romantic setting to do it hoping to get a long and romantic kissing session. It sounds to me like you suggest when I pick her up at her place just kiss her on the lips right then and there. I would expect it would just be a 'peck' on the lips. I wouldn't plan to get too wet about it right there on her doorstep. Or I could wait till the end of the night but then our time together will be "mixed signals" yet again. Better to lay it on the line in the beginning so the rest of the date she'll know where I stand. What do you think? Don't overthink this, just do it.
Recommended Posts