loadofhoopla Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I dated my ex for over three years. We lived together, shopped for rings, were very serious, blah, blah. We broke up in Sept 08 and talked and slept together until March 09. I met my current boyfriend in April of that year and we started dating pretty soon after. The break up with my ex was an extremely difficult one, and I did a lot of stupid stuff to cause it. This past April I wrote a facebook message to my best friend talking about how much I missed my ex, even going into detail about how I missed everything about him, the way he hugged me, kissed me, danced, looked, smelled. In my message I told my friend how regretful I was for everything that had happened between us and that I was so hurt by it still. When I wrote this I had been dating my current boyfriend for a year. Needless to say, I left my facebook up and my boyfriend looked through my messages and read this. He flipped out on me, but afterwards calmed down. He is not breaking up with me over it. I feel HORRIBLE. When I wrote the message I was just looking through old pictures and feeling nostalgic. I was feeling bad about the way things ended with my ex, and the life that we had and that I lost when we broke up (my ex and I knew each other for a very long time even before we started dating-a lot of our friends were mutual and when we split I stopped talking to a lot of them out of respect for him, and because it hurt too much to hear about him). I NEVER want to get back together with my ex. I will always love him, but I was not at the time of that message, and not right now, in love with him. I love my current boyfriend so much. I know I should have waited longer to date him because obviously I still had some unresolved issues. But he is fantastic, and a better fit to me than my ex ever could be. I am so afraid that I damaged our relationship irreparably. Thoughts?
Surrealist Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 My initial thoughts on the matter stem from an old biblical text that your post reminded me of: "What you have whispered to someone behind closed doors will be shouted from the rooftops." It's amazing sometimes that what we attempt to conceal.... somehow, in some way, comes out into open view to those who we least want to see - in this instance, one's reminiscing of an ex partner. You know, your current relationship may not be irreparable. You will likely need to discuss this further with your bf to be sure though.
Author loadofhoopla Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 It's funny I always thought I had nothing to hide-I would have given him my password if he asked for it. Apparantly I did though lol. My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship until I'm done with law school this May, so it's really freaking hard because since he's read the message we've only talked on the phone. He just wants to get past this. He isn't breaking up with me. But jeez I feel like I hurt him and betrayed his trust so much. Idk, I am just feeling way terrible about it.
Author loadofhoopla Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Any other advice? Guys what the hell would you do if you found a message like this from your gf to her friend about her ex?
strength-abounds Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Honestly, I'd put your s*** on the curb. Just an opinion.
Author loadofhoopla Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 If situations were reversed I feel like I would do the same thing. It sucks because it was just a moment of stupid nostalgia. I don't want to date my ex again everrrr. I hate the fact that my boyfriend read it, and obviously is hurt. Dude, if I read something like that from him about an ex a year after us dating I would never believe him that he really loves me again. I just don't know what to do to make it better! He is giving me the chance, I am so afraid of blowing it or that he's going to change his mind.
Star Gazer Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I feel HORRIBLE. When I wrote the message I was just looking through old pictures and feeling nostalgic. I was feeling bad about the way things ended with my ex, and the life that we had and that I lost when we broke up (my ex and I knew each other for a very long time even before we started dating-a lot of our friends were mutual and when we split I stopped talking to a lot of them out of respect for him, and because it hurt too much to hear about him). I would break up with you and never look back if I was your current BF. If you love your current BF, you shouldn't be feeling bad about your ex or "what you lost" via that breakup. If anything, you should be grateful that relationship ended, because without it you wouldn't be in your current relationship with your current BF. It's like the song "Bless This Broken Road."
Author loadofhoopla Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 I am immensely grateful to not be with my ex. I love my current bf more than anything. He's gotta know that or else he would have dumped me the second he read it. I'm just an idiot...it was just me looking through old facebook pictures and getting sad, not because I am in love with my ex but because I wish it didn't end as badly as it did and I was just being regretful about actions that I took during that time. I was so immature with that relationship and now I feel like I carried that immaturity to this one. I am very happy with my bf. I feel like dog-**** for hurting him. Honestly I would understand if he broke up with me. I would give my right arm to have never sent that message-my friend and I just are really really close and I tell her everything. Ugh.
Author loadofhoopla Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Hey man...I agree absolutely....it's just that I am a major hypocrite about my bf talking about past girlfriends-I get extremely insecure. I guess I thought I was just protecting his feelings by not telling him **** I was going through about my ex. When my ex and I broke up it was literally the first month of my law school at a place 3 hours away from home. Everytime I went home it was like constant memories of him, and friends that I had still hanging out with him, and the house we lived in together was obviously no longer mine; it was so hard on me because I felt like not only had I lost my best friend, but a ton of other friends, and my home as well. I haven't lived at my parents house for 6 years at that time, and I absolutely hated and still hate the law school that I'm at, and the place I'm in. When I visited home I would stay at friend's houses sometimes, but I would always feel weird because all of the people we hung out with except for my best friends, still hung out with my ex. My bf knows all of this, but I never really wanted to talk about how much I associated all that pain and feeling of loss with just simply missing the ex. Because honestly it wasn't the ex I missed so much as the life I felt like I lost-that feeling of comfort and stability. I realize that now-I still wasn't there 6 months ago when I wrote that stupid message. Idk-how do you talk to your gf's about ex's? I guess honesty really is the best policy for everything. I just want my boyfriend to feel amazing about us because I think he is amazing, and everything I could ever want.
Banker Chick Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I dunno ... I have to put some onus on him. I mean ... there are just some things you aren't meant to be privy too and this was apparently one of them. Sometimes when you snoop you see things that might hurt because you just don't know the whole dynamic of everything. There's not much you can do now but I still don't feel you have much to be sorry for. They were your thoughts and never meant for his eyes.
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