ppge4 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 (edited) I don't know if it's normal to still feel this way: It has been about 8 months since my ex and I broke up. He was the whole package (to me)...looks, charm, wit, adventure...but obviously it was not mean't to be. Unfortunately (due to similar social circles) we will see each other once in a while. I have come to terms that we are not meant to be, but it still feels IMPOSSIBLE to have feelings for someone else. I have yet to find anyone who even remotely makes me feel the way he did...and I'm starting to worry that I'm incapable of being attracted to someone else. It feels like that 'spark' I felt between me and my ex is a 1 in a million chance, and that odds are I won't ever find someone else who is as great as he was. I'm just being irrational, right? Edited November 1, 2010 by ppge4
Author ppge4 Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 I should also add that this was my first real relationship. I've had a couple relationships with guys in the past, but never emotionally on this level...
Confused728 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I still feel that way and its been 1 year and 2 months and i think about him constantly. Its awful. We had good chemistry and everyone always said that. I keep hoping that he will regret everything, lol he said he did regret everything and was sorry for everything but were not together so go figure. and even as recenlty as august he said "I wish i could cuddle with you tonight, its been to long". wanted to meet up for dinner, but i felt like he was playing with me and confusing me. so i just cut him off and blocked his number and everything. I didn't tell him i was doing that, he just went to one of his friends one night, and ignored my text and didn't answer me and that set me off so i blocked him and haven't talked to him since. I don't know if he has tried to contact me or not but whatever
Baza Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I don't know if it's normal to still feel this way: It has been about 8 months since my ex and I broke up. He was the whole package (to me)...looks, charm, wit, adventure...but obviously it was not mean't to be. Unfortunately (due to similar social circles) we will see each other once in a while. I have come to terms that we are not meant to be, but it still feels IMPOSSIBLE to have feelings for someone else. I have yet to find anyone who even remotely makes me feel the way he did...and I'm starting to worry that I'm incapable of being attracted to someone else. It feels like that 'spark' I felt between me and my ex is a 1 in a million chance, and that odds are I won't ever find someone else who is as great as he was. I'm just being irrational, right? Sorry it didnt work out for you. What you are feeling is totally normal. Its been 7 months since my split and felt exactly the same as you are - that no one could remotly compare to the ex, and I would end up alone because I would never take second best. I met about 12 people in the last 7 months that were all interested, but I couldnt even imagine having the same feelings as my ex with them. Then out of the blue I met someone just this weekend that I click with - nice, funny, smart and cute, and now I think to myself that I could possibly be with this person. Not sure if I will at this stage because its very early days, but at least I open to the thought of it - which has really taken me by suprise. So please dont worry at all it will happen for you when you least expect it. I think its important to get out there and try to met as many new people as you can, and eventually you will stumble upon someone that you that you click with. Best of luck to you
Weekender Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I agree with the above posters. It is totally normal to feel that way. And then, and I speak from experience, someone new will catch you totally off guard. It will not feel the same as your ex, because it isn't you ex. It will feel great in a totally new way. In fact, you will see the feelings for the ex will change as well. What I mean is, that unique feeling between the two of you won't be there either, because the two of you will be changing as time goes on. All of this is normal....and we all go through it. Some of us more than others, but that is part of our own growth. Hang in there!!
Author ppge4 Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 THANK YOU so much for your feedback. As ****ty as this feels right nows, it's nice to know that other people have felt this way and have since found someone else. I'll keep out hope for someone better to come along
collegeguy_24 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 its normal to have what your feeling. I am a guy, and I feel the same way about my ex GF. I wish she didn't leave me, and I would sacrifice anything to have her back. Its a perfectly normal, human response to have.
coltsfan1 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 i agree as well, me and my ex split for about 3 months at the beginning f this year she ran wild then we got back together. she started sleeping with a married guy she works with for about 2 months before she left me. I still miss her and she has treated me like total crap, I have every reason to hate her yet it is still difficult too. you are not alone in this but once you begin to see your ex for who they are instead of who you hoped/dreamed they would become it will get easier!!
Author ppge4 Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Yeah, I'm just worried about my "timeline". Soon it's going to be a year, and I have yet to meet anyone that remotely makes me feel that way. That pit-in-the stomach feeling just won't go away, no matter where I go or what I do. It's nonstop and driving me crazy. And the worst part is that I'm wasting all this energy on him while he's moved on completely. meh
Weekender Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 If by 'timeline' you mean a deadline for when your feelings will go away....don't think that way. It just won't work. Strangly enough, when you've been in a bunch of relationships and look back on them you will see that some were easier than others. What this is specifically...each relationship is unique with its own factors. Some factors are whether the other person was controlling, your first, who dumped whom..etc. To set any deadline about being over him is not a good idea and not realistic. I recommend that you start seeing other people and I'm going to recommend what may seem like a crazy idea if you haven't tried it yet, but maybe go to one of those free dating web sites and make a profile and see what else is out there. One thing to keep in mind if you do this, look at how many people are there too....many who are also in the same situation as you are; hurt from past relationships. You can read it in their profiles. It's only a suggestion, not an endorsement...and I was not financially compensated in any way A friend had recommended it to me after my fiancee bailed out over a year ago for no explaination. BUT, dating others in general taught me that there are many other great, and not-so-great, people out there. That's why I said you won't have the same feeling as you did with your ex, but you will meet some people that will make you feel great in different and sometimes better ways.
annadragon Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I feel for you! I was recently left, out of the blue, with no explanation and was really, really in love with the guy. I was devastated. Since then I've learned a lot. A couple of things I want to share here: (1) This may not pertain to your situation, but here it is just in case Love is wonderful and has the potential to make anyone a better, happier person. It can also temporarily fill holes in our hearts or lives (holes often formed during childhood) that cannot ever be truly filled by another person. Sometimes much of the longing, emptiness and fear you feel after losing someone is due to those holes being empty again. In this case you would naturally figure the only way you could feel whole again is by being with that one person who was able to fill those holes in your heart. Problem is, he never filled them - not truly. And that wonderful feeling of wholeness could not have lasted. (2) Buy this book - it's cheap and fantastic!!! : "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1288652205&sr=8-1 It reads a bit like a step-by-step handbook or guidebook. For you, this book is worth buying if only for the short poems written by people suffering a loss. Those poems will remind you time and again that you are NOT alone and your feelings are TOTALLY NORMAL. Like the other poster in this thread, I'm not being paid for this endorsement I wish the best for you!!! I hope you (we) find some peace... -Anna
Banker Chick Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I don't know, I don't mean to be Debbie Downer but I was married for 15 yrs and divorced for 7 and I still haven't found what we had. I've been in a couple longer relationships so I know I can love again but I'll admit none of them came close to the way my exh and I clicked and just "got" each other. I keep searching but I've yet to encounter it again. I don't think he was my soulmate or anything and I don't love him anymore (I do still care for him as we have a daughter together), I just think it will be hard to find again.
Coolsbreeze Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 i agree as well, me and my ex split for about 3 months at the beginning f this year she ran wild then we got back together. she started sleeping with a married guy she works with for about 2 months before she left me. I still miss her and she has treated me like total crap, I have every reason to hate her yet it is still difficult too. you are not alone in this but once you begin to see your ex for who they are instead of who you hoped/dreamed they would become it will get easier!! My ex ended things with me about 2 months ago, and about a week after she left me she started dating a guy she met while she was still involved with me. Every time i think about what she did it makes me angry but then i can never hate her as well. But it does hurt so darn much when the girl who promised to be with you forever and stand by you forever runs off and replaces you with someone else. What adds salt to the wound is that she doesn't think she did anything wrong and is perfectly happy now with this whole situation.
Recommended Posts