Girlfriend of 4.5 years broke up because she thinks she has feelings for someone else

[SCG_Sasa1111]

I got together with her back when i was 15 years old...i was in grade 10 and this was the second semester of that year. She is my first ever SERIOUS gf..ive had a few before that time but that was all 2-3 weeks in length and it was really childish. We have been through everything possible. She had classes with me, we did everything you could think of..we had sex together..she was my prom date...we slept over at each other house...like everything possible we did as a couple..my times with her were the best moments in my life. Everything was going great. I finished grade 12 with her and we both graduated together..went to prom together-great memories. We also are going to the same university but in different programs shes in sciences i am in business. I am now in my third year out of four and i am close to finishing up first semester. I'd like 2 point out that i am Serbian and she is Vietnamese/Cambodian/Chinese mix.

 

After I finished my second year which was back in MAY '10 my dad bought tickets to go back to my country and visit my family. I decided I would go right away after I finished exams. She knew this day would come eventually and we were both sad. I promised her I would only be going for 15 days and that I would be back soon. I would sleep over at her place almost every night leading up to the time I would leave so that she would get to spend as much time with me as possible. The day I was going was the probably most difficult day Ive experienced because leaving her was so hard because we were so attached to each other. It was very emotional. 15 days came and went- it felt very long without her. I tried to keep in contact with her as much as possible. told her to call me every other day- I had no internet there where I was staying so only way was if I went to internet cafe's and stuff. It was hard keeping in contact.

 

I come back and I already realize something is different between us. She seemed distant- I asked to see her phone cuz I would always take it and she would't let me see it.she would delete the text messages. This is when it should have hit me that something was not right- I let it go. It turns out she got a lot closer to one of her science buddies from her university. And he was there wen she was sad and depressed that I was gone. She had a tough time with me leaving- she would cry constantly. lost a lot of weight- would come to my room and lie in my bed and smell my clothes. So you can imagine this shock to me when I find out shes acting distant. Constant texting and calling start happening- I ask her like whats going on why does he keep texting you and calling you n shes like oh dont worry we r just good friends- she told me I was starting to over react. This continued throughout the summer and I noticed that she was becoming more and more distant- she wouldn't see me as much - wouldn't call me as much and eventually some days would not call at alll - until i did later on at night. Her friend went away for the summer for a few weeks so she did not see him but they still kept in contact over the phone and by texting. She reveled to me that he liked ehr and had feelings for her. I was liek w.e because he was a nerd and was not her type I basically said I couldn't care less I didn't see him as a THREAT.

 

My birthday passes. September rolls around- Univ begins and she starts avoiding me more and more. She had all her classes wit her friend. I realized that September ended and I saw her like only 2 times. I said this to her and she said ye i kno i am acting this way because i have feelings for him and I can't see you if i am feeling something for someone else.

 

This all came as a huge shock to me- dont get me wrong we had fights and little break ups over the 4.5 years but nothing to this extent. I couldn't believe it. I told her noo what your feeling is wrong ur just spending alot of time with him and you don't see me and I tried to deny this. I got pissed and said when you decide you want 2 see me come and talk to me. I hung up and 6 days passed no contact with her what so ever. Friday night..I had a soccer game at and before I left to it my friend checked his facebook and saw that her status on facebook changed to single.

 

I was even more shocked when I saw this- she put it up for the entire world too see. Every1 was asking and commenting Whyy? what happeendd? r u serious n stuff it was really shocking to every1 cuz we were together for so long- we grew up together.

 

I called her when I got back home that night and I was shocked I am liek how can you do this after 4.5 years say u have feelings for this guy? What we have is so strong how can you give it up because of this? This was at the start of OCTOBER..its NOVEMBER almost now...one more day...and ive been in contact wit her..ive been tryin to see her to get her to re think what shes doing before she makes a mistake..im tellin her this cant be ur decision and each time she tells me she can't control her feelings. We have been talking almost every day but nothing is getting changed she still wants to continue doing this. She is going out wit that guy and his friends that whole science crew from university and it seems like she doesn't care about how I am feeling. I am a huge mess because of this- i cant study...all i think about is her and whats going on. I just wish things were back to normal and the way there were before. I went over to her place 3 times to try and talk to her because she has been avoiding this whole issue and I dono what to do anymore. I don't wana lose her - I told her I love her and she is everything to me but she still isn't doing anything to fix this

[SCG_Sasa1111]

Going out with that guy- As in hanging out with him and other friends

[skydiveaddict]

You are now in the dreaded "friendzone" Nothing you can do or say will bring her back. But you are still very young, so someone else better will come along for you.

[Leandro]

I'm sorry that you are in pain. You leaving for 15 days wasn't a big deal. It was only 15 days. That's not a long time and she shouldn't have been all depressed over it. Be happy it happen now and not later in life. You said you were getting a degree in business, so you would travel from time to time. Each time she would probably get depressed and go to someone else for comfort. You don't deserve that.

 

Going NC is probably the only way that she will miss you and think about what she did, but don't hope on it. You need to cut contact with her so you can heal and move on.

[AndrewG]

I'm sorry that you are in pain. You leaving for 15 days wasn't a big deal. It was only 15 days. That's not a long time and she shouldn't have been all depressed over it. Be happy it happen now and not later in life. You said you were getting a degree in business, so you would travel from time to time. Each time she would probably get depressed and go to someone else for comfort. You don't deserve that.

 

Going NC is probably the only way that she will miss you and think about what she did, but don't hope on it. You need to cut contact with her so you can heal and move on.

 

I agree with Leandro; I'm in (well, was, may still be) in a LDR with a girl who lives two states away. If your GF thinks 15 days apart was hard, then she doesn't deserve you.

I'm sure 15 days without you was hard, but that's not an excuse to develop feelings for someone else.

 

EDIT: Though, I can't see how she could leave a four and a half year relationship for some kid she just met in her college. I say leave her alone for a bit, maybe she's just confused. I'm new here and to the whole relationship thing, but I think you should go NC and maybe she'll realize that she misses you and made a big mistake.

Edited November 1, 2010 by AndrewG

[skydiveaddict]

Both of you guys are wrong. This girl is gone for good. For the OP's sake , I wish it were not so. But that's how girls operate. Once they start to distance themselves, the game is over.

[Leandro]

Both of you guys are wrong. This girl is gone for good. For the OP's sake , I wish it were not so. But that's how girls operate. Once they start to distance themselves, the game is over.

Where on my post did I say she wasn't gone for good? I even told him to go NC to heal and MOVE ON. I'm not trying to give him false hope or anything.

[skydiveaddict]

Where on my post did I say she wasn't gone for good? I even told him to go NC to heal and MOVE ON. I'm not trying to give him false hope or anything.

 

 

I read your post again. You are right. Sorry 'bout that. I was jumping to conclusions

[Leandro]

I read your post again. You are right. Sorry 'bout that. I was jumping to conclusions

lol it's cool. I do it too.

[vivrantflo]

Unfortunately, she is gone for good. I know, it's hard to believe, but take it from someone older. People change as they get older. And women in between the ages of 18-24 have no idea what they want. You were with her for over 4 years yes, but she was young. And now that she's at university, it's a big change in her life, and yours too.

 

I know this cause my first serious girlfriend left me when she went away to school. She was sad to leave me behind at the start of school. By October she wanted a break, and by December it was done.

 

It's gonna hurt for a while man, but trust another dude that's been through this.. you will move on no matter how much it hurts now, and you will end up with someone better for you. Just let time heal, concentrate on your classes, and when you least expect it, someone special will come into your life.

 

Take care

[TheSomberlain]

I am going through the SAME exact thing. My now ex just left for main campus this semester after a 5 year relationship. Her personality turned a full 180. She used to tell me she loved me constantly, wanted to marry me and yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm a 24 year old guy getting a Master's degree. I have a stable family that treated her like gold. We had our ups and downs like any relationship (she came from a severely broken home and I didn't know how to handle her drama sometimes). Either way, I tried to do what you did. I tried to plead with her to not trash a 5 year relationship. NOTHING will change her mind. The more you try to reason, the nastier they get. She ended up leaving me for an uneducated 22 year old guy with a 2 year old. So believe me, if you think your girl left you for a loser, think about how I feel. Here I am busting my ass on a Master's degree and she leaves me for a quintessential loser. I don't believe all women are like this, just the reallllyyyy emotional ones, like your ex who cried over 15 days...I was in a LDR. 15 days isn't ****. Mine once let go of my hand, ran away and cried because some girl from one of my classes waved to me. Embarrassing to say the least. Oh, and I am feeling the pain brother. Don't get me wrong. I am taking Xanax while trying to do full-time grad school, a new job in the mix, and now my first love dumping me for some loser. And no, don't turn back. Never. You have no idea how bad I'd love to hold her right now and touch her again. Hell, I'd even like to hear her voice one last time. But she isn't the same person anymore. The only thing I've come close to as a philosophy is that the person I loved died, not physically, but mentally. Even if she came crawling back, I'd have to reject her outright. The trust is gone. And so is everything I loved about her.

[bl22]

Going through the EXACT same thing as you right now. She was friends with someone at work and developed feelings for him and left me. I know the pain you are going through, worst feeling ive ever felt since ive been alive.

[bl22]

I am going through the SAME exact thing. My now ex just left for main campus this semester after a 5 year relationship. Her personality turned a full 180. She used to tell me she loved me constantly, wanted to marry me and yadda, yadda, yadda. I'm a 24 year old guy getting a Master's degree. I have a stable family that treated her like gold. We had our ups and downs like any relationship (she came from a severely broken home and I didn't know how to handle her drama sometimes). Either way, I tried to do what you did. I tried to plead with her to not trash a 5 year relationship. NOTHING will change her mind. The more you try to reason, the nastier they get. She ended up leaving me for an uneducated 22 year old guy with a 2 year old. So believe me, if you think your girl left you for a loser, think about how I feel. Here I am busting my ass on a Master's degree and she leaves me for a quintessential loser. I don't believe all women are like this, just the reallllyyyy emotional ones, like your ex who cried over 15 days...I was in a LDR. 15 days isn't ****. Mine once let go of my hand, ran away and cried because some girl from one of my classes waved to me. Embarrassing to say the least. Oh, and I am feeling the pain brother. Don't get me wrong. I am taking Xanax while trying to do full-time grad school, a new job in the mix, and now my first love dumping me for some loser. And no, don't turn back. Never. You have no idea how bad I'd love to hold her right now and touch her again. Hell, I'd even like to hear her voice one last time. But she isn't the same person anymore. The only thing I've come close to as a philosophy is that the person I loved died, not physically, but mentally. Even if she came crawling back, I'd have to reject her outright. The trust is gone. And so is everything I loved about her.

 

Funny you should say that because my girlfriend was very emotional and once went crazy at me for putting 'x' at the end of messages. I respected her and told her that if it bothered you I'd not do it again and didnt. Funnily enough few months later she started doing it. Im 22 and shes 22 and she left me for a snooker playing 19 year old. Absolutely sickening to me. We suited so well and my family loved her.