TerryV Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I worry that when I so meet someone new, that I am going to ruin it by being so cynical. Right now after my wife ending our marriage I feel cynical, I am dont trust easily anyway but I totally lowered my guard with my wife and trusted her 100%. It felt as though as soon as I lowered my barrier she hurt me. I feel like the next person I meet I wont be able to lower those barriers totally. Because the hurt I suffered the pain I endured I feel like my defenses would refuse to allow the barriers to be lowered in case that happens again. How do you stop being cynical and learn to trust again?
PegNosePete Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Trust comes with time. Maybe you lowered your barriers too easily for your ex, since you trusted her 100% and she broke that trust. You have to learn from that. Trust takes time to build up. You should not trust any new person 100% right from the start, they have to earn your trust.
Citizen Erased Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Have faith that it will come, in time. It may not happen straight away, given what you've been through, but that's ok. The right person will be patient. You can't control what others will do. Just don't give up. Not everyone is like your ex.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 When you meet someone really great I think it happens naturally. The more people you meet, the more I believe you will see good in people and learn to trust again.
DustySaltus Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 It took me a year after my broken engagement. I ruined a potential good thing with at least 5 different women because I was also cynical. It was only when I learned to control myself that I got back on track. I realized that it wasn't my fault, i'm a good guy and good things will happen to me with the right attitude. When you're cynical, women see it from a mile away. But they also see confidence from a mile away as well. You have to pull yourself out of the hole and dust yourself off. No one can see you when you're below the surface. If you meet someone, take it slowly and let them in. Treat them how you want to be treated, if they don't reciprocate you know they're not the one.
charliecharlie Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Don't let this bad that happened to you ruin your great experiences with other people. They are out there, waiting to be trusted. It's okay to have your guards up at first, but with the right person that trust will come again. Give it time and you'll be amazed that you still have it in you to open yourself up. You never get a guarantee for never being hurt again, but if you believe in yourself, you will not let it get to you for very long. And when the dust settles, you'll see that this bad experience was actually a good one. Maybe it opened you up to personal growth? Or it opened doors to new people and experiences. It can feel like **** but it can still be rewarding.
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