ladeedee Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 We've been together for 2 1/2 years and my bf has never really gotten along with his father. Yesterday he suddenly died and I don't know whether to go home for the funeral. He lives four hours away and I'm at college. I don't have a car and if I went home I'd miss my classes. My bf doesn't seem to really want to talk about it but I feel like if I went I'd be a crying mess and make things worse. Initially I didn't even want to go because I'd feel out of place... I wouldn't be supporting him.. I'd need the support because I'd be the one crying. My mom is telling me that I should go home and this is the only reason I feel any need to now. My bf said that I could stay here.. but I feel guilty. I've offered a few times and each time he says that I should stay. I don't really wanna go because I don't feel like I can be strong for him, I'll feel weird there.. I feel like it's more of a family thing for him... I don't think I could emotionally deal with it.... I feel like it'd be awkward. I dunno, I almost want someone to just tell me not to go. Idk... I need a lot of advice. He's not even pushing me to be there. Last night, after his dad died, he texted me after I offered to come home, he said, "thank you I would love that but I can't ask you to do that not just one day and I won't let you miss school"
anne1707 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Have you any idea just how selfish you sound? You are more concerned for yourself than you are for your boyfriend when his father has just died. Your boyfriend of 2 1/2 years should not have to ask you to go to the funeral. He should know that you will be there for him at this time of need. Most people would not need to ask for advice on whether they should go. They would just go and be there for the people they are supposed to love and care for.
TouchedByViolet Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Most people would not need to ask for advice on whether they should go. They would just go and be there for the people they are supposed to love and care for. Agreed completely. I feel like you have maturing to do OP.
that girl Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Why would you be a crying mess? He isn't your father and it doesn't seem like you knew him well at all. He is saying that he would like you there but he understands if you can't come. That is different than staying you should stay. Now if you have a major exam that you can't get moved, I would understand staying but otherwise you should go. However, if you can't pull yourself together to be a supportive girlfriend, don't go. Your boyfriend doesn't need to deal with your crap right now. But you need to do some serious self-examination if you can't be the supportive girlfriend. You just sound self-involved.
Els Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Why would you be a crying mess? He isn't your father and it doesn't seem like you knew him well at all. He is saying that he would like you there but he understands if you can't come. That is different than staying you should stay. Now if you have a major exam that you can't get moved, I would understand staying but otherwise you should go. However, if you can't pull yourself together to be a supportive girlfriend, don't go. Your boyfriend doesn't need to deal with your crap right now. But you need to do some serious self-examination if you can't be the supportive girlfriend. You just sound self-involved. I second this. However, I think you need to clarify whether your bf said 'I want you to stay' or 'You don't need to come if you don't want to'. Some people prefer to deal with their grief alone. So if the former really is the case, don't go. I agree that he sounds like he's saying the latter though.
LisaLee Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I don't understand... OP, why are you so torn up over his dad dying?
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