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What do you think?

dunnodee

By dunnodee
in General Relationship Discussion

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dunnodee New Member

dunnodee

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I'll try to keep this short...I'm interested in what other people make of this situation and what you think you'd do. I was in a relationship with Old Boyfriend (OB). I absolutely loved him - he made my "heart flutter" you could say (I'm not much of a romantic either, so for me to actually feel, like, excited about a guy was a pretty surprising/unusual thing for me). However, OB was a royally f*cked up guy - grew up in a psycho-ultra-religious, dysfunctional and chaotic family, was emotionally screwed up and neglected by his parents and school system, was molested as a young kid. The poor guy was in bad shape, and perhaps unsurprisingly he was a terrible boyfriend and the relationship was bad (I was his first relationship). I finally ended it. Not that I didn't love him, but I had to end it - and have been trying to get over it and stop feeling desperately sad and miserable about it for the last 2 years, in a nutshell.

 

Now for the last 6 months I've been dating New Boyfriend (NB). He is the sweetest, kindest, nicest guy - a great boyfriend - attentive, sincere, all the things you want in a relationship (although the sex isn't that great - but then again OB basically couldn't have sex because he was too screwed up between the sexual abuse and the religious indoctrination). He's wonderful in every way, and I like him, certainly as a person. But...let's put it this way - my heart doesn't flutter. It's not the same. I don't get that warm, excited feeling in my heart that I got when I was connecting with OB - I guess it's hard to explain, but we just "clicked". NB, although sweet and nice - I feel like he's my friend, but I don't feel that same feeling.

 

I'm 32, not 20. OB was the first person I'd say that I "loved", and we met when I was 28. So I'm a little skeptical when people say "I'm sure you could meet someone else who you feel the same way about". It kills me because OB didn't work out because he suffers crushing depression and thinks that his life has to be miserable because he was born into this ultra religious society, not because he didn't like me (he thought I was wonderful). He was just a broken person. So. Do I try to reach out to OB, or do I leave him behind, hope that someday he finds happiness, and be content with NB? People like NB don't come along every day - I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. I think NB would be heartbroken if I broke up with him - he tells me he loves me all the time. I try to be a good girlfriend and make him happy, but sometimes when he says he loves me, I wait until he leaves and then cry my eyes out.

 

oh, woe.

Edited by dunnodee
denise_xo Established Member

denise_xo

Posted
Posted
I'll try to keep this short...I'm interested in what other people make of this situation and what you think you'd do. I was in a relationship with Old Boyfriend (OB). I absolutely loved him - he made my "heart flutter" you could say (I'm not much of a romantic either, so for me to actually feel, like, excited about a guy was a pretty surprising/unusual thing for me). However, OB was a royally f*cked up guy - grew up in a psycho-ultra-religious, dysfunctional and chaotic family, was emotionally screwed up and neglected by his parents and school system, was molested as a young kid. The poor guy was in bad shape, and perhaps unsurprisingly he was a terrible boyfriend and the relationship was bad (I was his first relationship). I finally ended it. Not that I didn't love him, but I had to end it - and have been trying to get over it and stop feeling desperately sad and miserable about it for the last 2 years, in a nutshell.

 

Now for the last 6 months I've been dating New Boyfriend (NB). He is the sweetest, kindest, nicest guy - a great boyfriend - attentive, sincere, all the things you want in a relationship (although the sex isn't that great - but then again OB basically couldn't have sex because he was too screwed up between the sexual abuse and the religious indoctrination). He's wonderful in every way, and I like him, certainly as a person. But...let's put it this way - my heart doesn't flutter. It's not the same. I don't get that warm, excited feeling in my heart that I got when I was connecting with OB - I guess it's hard to explain, but we just "clicked". NB, although sweet and nice - I feel like he's my friend, but I don't feel that same feeling.

 

I'm 32, not 20. OB was the first person I'd say that I "loved", and we met when I was 28. So I'm a little skeptical when people say "I'm sure you could meet someone else who you feel the same way about". It kills me because OB didn't work out because he suffers crushing depression and thinks that his life has to be miserable because he was born into this ultra religious society, not because he didn't like me (he thought I was wonderful). He was just a broken person. So. Do I try to reach out to OB, or do I leave him behind, hope that someday he finds happiness, and be content with NB? People like NB don't come along every day - I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. I think NB would be heartbroken if I broke up with him - he tells me he loves me all the time. I try to be a good girlfriend and make him happy, but sometimes when he says he loves me, I wait until he leaves and then cry my eyes out.

 

oh, woe.

 

I don't know about OB. Ultimately people need to mend themselves and if he hasn't progressed with that you might just end up with same issues as before. But the bits bolded strongly suggest that you should let NB go. Good luck.

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