GoingInsane Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I split up with my ex 7 weeks ago. Looking back, the relationship wasn't right. We didn't communicate enough, I didn't pay her enough attention, she could be selfish etc. The breakup was hard, but after a couple of weeks of turmoil, I started looking forward to try and get on with my life. Although I still thought about her every day, I'd stopped waking up thinking of her and going to sleep thinking of her. I joined a gym, made an effort to socialise more, made a conscious effort to sort out my life. But these last two weeks I feel like I'm back at square one. I miss her so much. All I can think about is how perfect she could be for me and about how badly I treated her. I have sudden memories of when she asked me to do something and I would say no, or when I didn't support her enough with things going on in her life. I imagine her meeting someone else and regretting our two year relationship - realising that I didn't treat her as I should have. One of the problems is that she wants to remain friends. It would be unnatural to go total NC so we've kept in touch. I was doing okay, but looking back, its when we started meeting up for coffee or just at my house to spend the evening together that I started pining after her again. Our mutual freind tells me that she's burying her head in the sand (her usual reaction to being upset) but that she does still care - but doesn't want to get back together. I think its the rejection that hurts the most, she adored me at the start of our relationship, I hate myself for not giving the same love and effort back. It was my birthday last week, and baring in mind we're still talking/meeting up, she sent one miserly text message on my birthday then nothing until I contacted her. I did a silly thing and told her I was upset she didn't call on my birthday or text the next day - she apologised - but it just made me think that she doesn't give me a seconds thought. We've shared a few texts today, but halfway through the chat, she just stops. Its like she's bored of the conversation (just chatty stuff) and can't be bothered. Which just sends me into a spin again. When will things get better? I don't want to go NC because she'll think I'm punishing her and she deserves better than that.
bl22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 who broke up with who? i know exactly how you feel tbh. When i was with the love of my life, she used to buy me things ALL the time, and although I never asked for them, I feel guilty now. I bought her presents quite alot too but not to the same extent. She was always loved up with me and at times I didnt show her the same affection she shown me, but i always thought it was just a woman thing. Guy are different, they dont act loved up all the time because they like to feel masculine. She would think that she cared more about me than I did about her which was totally untrue. Women and men have differnet ways of showing they care. Going NC now, have been for about 3 weeks, and although I miss her like crazy, im worried she might end up thinkign to herself 'yeh i knew he didnt care 1 bit' its her birthday coming up and im not going to break NC to wish her happy birthday, but I dont want her to think i didnt care, its just not true. She was amazing to me, and although shes betrayed me, I miss her so much.
stopthemadness Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I split up with my ex 7 weeks ago. Looking back, the relationship wasn't right. We didn't communicate enough, I didn't pay her enough attention, she could be selfish etc. The breakup was hard, but after a couple of weeks of turmoil, I started looking forward to try and get on with my life. Although I still thought about her every day, I'd stopped waking up thinking of her and going to sleep thinking of her. I joined a gym, made an effort to socialise more, made a conscious effort to sort out my life. But these last two weeks I feel like I'm back at square one. I miss her so much. All I can think about is how perfect she could be for me and about how badly I treated her. I have sudden memories of when she asked me to do something and I would say no, or when I didn't support her enough with things going on in her life. I imagine her meeting someone else and regretting our two year relationship - realising that I didn't treat her as I should have. One of the problems is that she wants to remain friends. It would be unnatural to go total NC so we've kept in touch. I was doing okay, but looking back, its when we started meeting up for coffee or just at my house to spend the evening together that I started pining after her again. Our mutual freind tells me that she's burying her head in the sand (her usual reaction to being upset) but that she does still care - but doesn't want to get back together. I think its the rejection that hurts the most, she adored me at the start of our relationship, I hate myself for not giving the same love and effort back. It was my birthday last week, and baring in mind we're still talking/meeting up, she sent one miserly text message on my birthday then nothing until I contacted her. I did a silly thing and told her I was upset she didn't call on my birthday or text the next day - she apologised - but it just made me think that she doesn't give me a seconds thought. We've shared a few texts today, but halfway through the chat, she just stops. Its like she's bored of the conversation (just chatty stuff) and can't be bothered. Which just sends me into a spin again. When will things get better? I don't want to go NC because she'll think I'm punishing her and she deserves better than that. Ok someone has to tell you this if they havent already. You REALLY need to go N/C on this girl if you want to get past this. As long as you keep letting her string you along, she will. You can do this! We can do this! Time will heal us, we just have to give it time. Good Luck..
Leandro Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I split up with my ex 7 weeks ago. Looking back, the relationship wasn't right. We didn't communicate enough, I didn't pay her enough attention, she could be selfish etc. The breakup was hard, but after a couple of weeks of turmoil, I started looking forward to try and get on with my life. Although I still thought about her every day, I'd stopped waking up thinking of her and going to sleep thinking of her. I joined a gym, made an effort to socialise more, made a conscious effort to sort out my life. But these last two weeks I feel like I'm back at square one. I miss her so much. All I can think about is how perfect she could be for me and about how badly I treated her. I have sudden memories of when she asked me to do something and I would say no, or when I didn't support her enough with things going on in her life. I imagine her meeting someone else and regretting our two year relationship - realising that I didn't treat her as I should have. One of the problems is that she wants to remain friends. It would be unnatural to go total NC so we've kept in touch. I was doing okay, but looking back, its when we started meeting up for coffee or just at my house to spend the evening together that I started pining after her again. Our mutual freind tells me that she's burying her head in the sand (her usual reaction to being upset) but that she does still care - but doesn't want to get back together. I think its the rejection that hurts the most, she adored me at the start of our relationship, I hate myself for not giving the same love and effort back. It was my birthday last week, and baring in mind we're still talking/meeting up, she sent one miserly text message on my birthday then nothing until I contacted her. I did a silly thing and told her I was upset she didn't call on my birthday or text the next day - she apologised - but it just made me think that she doesn't give me a seconds thought. We've shared a few texts today, but halfway through the chat, she just stops. Its like she's bored of the conversation (just chatty stuff) and can't be bothered. Which just sends me into a spin again. When will things get better? I don't want to go NC because she'll think I'm punishing her and she deserves better than that. Friends don't just get bored all of a sudden. If you really want to be friends maybe you should go NC to heal. This friendship seems awkward and its hurting you.
Author GoingInsane Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 who broke up with who? She broke up with me but only after I pushed for us to talk about things because we were both pretty unhappy. She was doing her "ignore it and it'll go away" thing. What upsets/angers (depending on my mood!) me is that she didn't even try to work things out. I asked if we were okay, what we could do and she basically ended it (after a week of leaving me hanging and with a barage of all I'd done wrong in the relationship). Ok someone has to tell you this if they havent already. You REALLY need to go N/C on this girl if you want to get past this. As long as you keep letting her string you along, she will. You can do this! We can do this! Time will heal us, we just have to give it time. Good Luck.. Friends don't just get bored all of a sudden. If you really want to be friends maybe you should go NC to heal. This friendship seems awkward and its hurting you. Its just so strange. She's the one that was so desperate to be friends, and I don't think it was through guilt or anything, she genuinely appeared to be desperate to stay good friends. She even told our mutual friend that she was scared that I would cut off all contact and the thought of that killed her. At first, contact was very minimal. I was getting on with things so was busy. I don't think she liked that. Then we started to meet - it was nice and I thought we could indeed be good friends. But looking back, that's when I started to get really upset again. And stopped looking forward. The first night she came over, she asked me to walk her to her car when she left, saying she didn't like getting to where the car was parked in the dark. Never bothered her before!! It was like she was testing whether she could still get me to do what she asked. She was also the one contacting me asking to meet up, she was doing all of the running. But it seems to have changed. She went out last night for the first time since we split on a big night out. Maybe I'm so desperate because I can see now that she's moving on?? Our mutual friend told me "she doesn't know how to make things better....and in fairness she can't".
Author GoingInsane Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 The other thing - its like she just doesn't think! She was asking me a few days before my birthday what I was going to do and if I was excited - its your birthday!! Have a great time etc. And there was me sat feeling desperate that just 7 weeks earlier we'd been planning on what to do together for my birthday!
marcs Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 who broke up with who? i know exactly how you feel tbh. When i was with the love of my life, she used to buy me things ALL the time, and although I never asked for them, I feel guilty now. I bought her presents quite alot too but not to the same extent. She was always loved up with me and at times I didnt show her the same affection she shown me, but i always thought it was just a woman thing. Guy are different, they dont act loved up all the time because they like to feel masculine. She would think that she cared more about me than I did about her which was totally untrue. Women and men have differnet ways of showing they care. Going NC now, have been for about 3 weeks, and although I miss her like crazy, im worried she might end up thinkign to herself 'yeh i knew he didnt care 1 bit' its her birthday coming up and im not going to break NC to wish her happy birthday, but I dont want her to think i didnt care, its just not true. She was amazing to me, and although shes betrayed me, I miss her so much. man your situation mirrors mine exactly. Whats worse for me is that she found someone else that did the things that I didnt with the affection etc. It hurts even more - I have so much regret. Theres nothing I can do.
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