carhill Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Another potential is the effect of power on the psyche. The second a man files for divorce, ostensibly to 'be' with the OW, he loses power. He then becomes, legally, at the mercy of statutes concerning the lawsuit of divorce, along with disconnection from his family, and thrust into the nebulous of the unknown, socially, and with regard to his relationship with his OW. He is cognizant, as many/most men are, that women can change feelings based on their *perception* of him, and his filing for divorce most certainly can change that perception, and the change isn't always a positive one, as the OW's place in the dynamic changes markedly. Her own psyche plays a large role in what happens next, and that's completely outside of his control. I would opine the same to be true for a MW, except for one crucial area, that being sexual power; power which women control unilaterally. Having seen this dynamic repeatedly with MW's, I've come to respect it for what it is. Sexual power can control an interpersonal dynamic in ways no other power can. Additionally, for men, there is fear; fear of losing their social status, hard-won through long efforts; fear of losing their life work, something men and women historically value in completely different ways and which, up to now, generally have been adjudicated very differently by gender in most courts of law. To wit, I'm watching a developing divorce between a man who 'left' his alcoholic wife and evidently has moved their son away while she deals with her issues. Her wealth and position appears substantially greater than his and a 20+ year M is at stake. Are there OW's/OM's involved? Unknown. I was a target earlier on, likely not as an exit strategy, but rather as a test subject of sexual power. It will be interesting, albeit sad, to watch the developments. I was recently also a sexual power target of another MW who was testing her oats after her H had an affair. I was 'familiar' and 'safe' so it was easy to test and go. They're working on their M now. Hope it works out. However, this underscores the ease with which some women can 'leave', lubricating the path with sex. It can happen in an evening, if only situationally and really without even trying. With a 'normal' man, the woman in question wouldn't have had to do anything. With me, she had to make proactive efforts. It was tempting, no doubt.
KnownTruth Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I've often heard it said that women will leave marriages regardless of whether or not there is another person "waiting in the wings." But that men generally will only leave if they have another relationship brewing or are already in an A. In other words, men are more willing to just let things take their course in a marriage, even if it's not going well, rather than get out and be alone. I realize this is a gross generalization, but do you think there is any nuggets of truth in it? And if so, is this part of the reason why we stay in A's hoping that the MM will leave? Just some thought for the day! So true! Majority of men out there will not leave the "comfort" of their lives and would rather stay in a unhappy marriage. Probably because it seems easier. A woman is unhappy she will find a way out.
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