LuckyClover Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It has been 5 months since I had sex and tonight I thought it was time to get back into it. I'm very good looking and knew all I had to do was ask her over to have sex with me and she would come. I've known this girl for about 3 years now. I've never seen her outside of work, nor did we flirt at work. I just knew she wanted me. So I went outside my comfort zone and told her I was horny and I wanted to have sex with her. I told her I couldn't do anything before because I was her boss, but because she had recently been fired, I wanted to act out a fantasy I've had of us having sex. She said yes quickly and was at my house in a half an hour. Since my divorce I have had plenty of sex, mostly with the same girl. The difference was that I was head over heels with this new girl. She became my new everything, she was perfect and I loved that she would continuely tell me how perfect I was for her. I was broken once again when I found that she was playing for a fool. She too cheated. Two relationships in my life that I gave my all turned out wrong. I don't cheat and never will. And because of my XW cheating on me and my new XGF, I will never be that guy that breaks up a marriage or relationship. Sex after marriage was great, but it was still premeditated by love. Until tonight that is when I decided I would give the physical act its own stage. It was the worst sex I ever had. I couldn't fully get erect and there was no passion of foreplay, and after, I thought to myself, "God that sucked, I wish I could just be an ass and tell her to go home". But as it is, she sleeps in my living room on the couch as I write this thread. Am I stuck to sucking when it comes to sex without love? Should I keep trying? I can't even imagine letting my guard down again and allowing myself to believe love is real. I want to believe. I want that passion and romance, but at what price? The pain of rejection is unbarable. Maybe it's too soon. or Maybe I need to find older woman that just want sex and are willing to teach me to take the emotion out of it. Or will it always suck? Is there be great sex without love?
Thierro Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 (edited) In my opinion; sex is awful without some sort of a bond between two people. The first time I had sex was just after 6 hours of knowing her. I didn’t feel anything at all and was bored out the whole time. We dated for 3 weeks after that and every time we had sex I couldn’t finish; it felt useless and superficial. My first ‘real’ relationship -that ended in June after some great years together- started out the same; I hated it and there were no feelings what so ever. But as time went by I began to love her more and more. The sex became meaningful, it started to feel good. It was wonderful. That’s why I will never have sex again without having some sort of bond with a girl. Edited October 31, 2010 by Thierro
Author LuckyClover Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Th, I agree... and it feels like a total mistake tonight. It's so easy to be a player, very easy. Women are just to easy when you treat them like objects. But I hated it!! It's not me and I don't want to do it again, but I can't just go without sex i mean after all I am a man. I have those needs and sorry but if beating one out or waiting to find my true love are my only options, then I'm screwed(or the lack thereof). I don't know how to not have sex.
TLCbear Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Lol, this brings back memories. I remember the first time I step out of my comfort zone and did this. I ended up stopping in the middle of the act because I just couldn't get into it. I felt so bad about it, but told him the true, and it he understood. I said I would never do that again...it's so mechanically...no foreplay and no emotions. But one important thing I came to realize at that time, I was not over my ex and that played a factor as well, so just be careful. Anyway, fast forward a couple of years, I did experienced sleeping with a couple of guys that I liked and the sex was pretty bad the first time. I usually try to give it a second chance before I walk away because I know sometimes a person can get anxious or nervous and not perform correctly. One situation, it wasn't any help, so I stop talking to him soon after, however the other, it got better. So it just sort of depends...on timing, comfort, chemistry, etc. In your situation, I would say give it another shot and see what happens. If it's still the same, I say let it go. As I said before, be careful cause it could be a sign that you're not over your ex...and the fact you haven't had sex in 5 months. Hope this helps.
TLCbear Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It's not me and I don't want to do it again, but I can't just go without sex i mean after all I am a man. I have those needs and sorry but if beating one out or waiting to find my true love are my only options, then I'm screwed(or the lack thereof). I don't know how to not have sex. Come on now, it's not just being a man, it's being human. Both sexes have those same needs...whether they want to admit it or not...and you're be surprise in the women...well actually you shouldn't since you stated "how easy" some women are. Anyway, don't change, continue being who you are and hopeful one day near you will find someone you can connect with on that level. Good luck.
sumdude Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 (edited) First of all I want to say that's it's good the hear another man express the sentiment that sex without good emotions isn't so great. Society's and/or peer expectations of men is that we should be able to run around boinking any woman who is willing, be able to perform and compartmentalize sex. Every woman I've ever had sex with I at least liked. But I've sure had those moments when I was in the act and I just wasn't that into it. Then had to end the relationship quickly rather than drag it on to keep her from getting too attached and hurting her more later. Some guys will continue those relationships just because they're getting laid. I'm not one of them so I find myself single more often than not lately. After my divorce where my ex cheated and left I went through a series of flings and one little relationship. After the last one I just kinda stopped trying for the last six months. Feeling a little jaded I guess. But I'm also trying to be happy with myself and my life regardless of whether or not I'm getting some. Still.. it's the nature of a man to tie success, happiness and satisfaction with life to sex.. maybe women too. Edited October 31, 2010 by sumdude
coltsfan1 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 maybe Im just unusual but ever since my ex cheated on me I have had little to no desire to share myself with anyone.. I have been promoted at my job and have a great group of friends that have my back, having her lie and cheat with a married man possibly the whole time we had gotten back together has made we not want to open up to other ladies..
teanoranges Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 wait..... wait.... there's a such thing as men Not enjoying sex without some kind of 'connection'? ............. hell just froze over for me.... must. change. opinion. of. men... hmmmm.....
Author LuckyClover Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Great I should have expected this, I don't know what I was thinking... Now she won't stop texting me how confused she is blah blah blah... Good God I was so up front with her... she even asked if it was more than sex and I said straight up no i'm just horny, etc. etc. etc... I didn't say I'm just not ready for a relationship or I need time or any of that dumb **** people say(whether its true or not) I said I ONLY WANT TO HAVE SEX THATS ALL NOTHING MORE EVER. I said, just say no.. it's cool, I just thought it would be fun... of course it SUCKED and I will not be doing that again... I couldn't, I can't help it... If I'm not attached emotionally it just sucks and look what happens when i make it a physical thing, now level 7 clinger is all confused as if we had a long ass relationship... I never talk to her.. ever.. I just said come over and lets have sex.. we will make it a one night stand... Can I be more blunt? Good God!!! Sorry that's so rude, but people please... I only wish the women I meet could be as honest as me... Stop the lies, Stop the games. If you like me great, we'll build on that. If you don't great, we'll just be friends. If you despise me great, F off. I don't like dating. I don't have enough time to spread myself so thin.. I hate that I've been hurt and that the pain that I've numbed has built such a thick wall that it's going to take an amazing kind of girl to break that shlt down... Cuz I ain't gonna. I'm scared.
TLCbear Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 What the heck you're scared about, lol. Come on, you are a grown ass man. You were honest with her and that is all that matters. If you don't want to deal with her, then don't. I'm a nice and caring person, but I have to say I have no problem stopping contact with someone who is not up to my expectations. Can't get any simplier than that.
Author LuckyClover Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Im not scared of her. I'm scared of breaking down the wall I've built around my heart. Hell with her, she just needs to realize she was used and honestly im embarrassed I let myself do that to someone... but you're right I was up front and honest.. so to her "get a grip".
thatsonlyme Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 wait..... wait.... there's a such thing as men Not enjoying sex without some kind of 'connection'? ............. hell just froze over for me.... must. change. opinion. of. men... hmmmm..... Believe it or not, there are such men. I've never had sex with somebody without at least some sort of emotional involvement. I have no interest in one night stands or anything of that nature. I haven't had sex in over two months and I still have no desire to sleep with some random girl. Call me old fashioned if you will, but I think there is nothing better than sex with a person you truly care about. I don't see myself having sex anytime soon
TLCbear Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Im not scared of her. I'm scared of breaking down the wall I've built around my heart. Hell with her, she just needs to realize she was used and honestly im embarrassed I let myself do that to someone... but you're right I was up front and honest.. so to her "get a grip". Ok, lol, that's a different story. I do understand, but with that, it's going to take lots of time. One day it will happen. In the meanwhile, just continue to improve and do you.
Sonolumino Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I've always been a believer of "men need intimacy to feel closeness, women need closeness to have intimacy" - The Great Comedy of Life. I don't know what to believe anymore with that. I've only been intimate with one girl, and we were very close beforehand, so I'm not sure how it would be having a one night stand.
Eternity001 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I recently did something similar to this two weeks ago. I finished up at my last job two weeks ago and there was a woman there that was in love with me for the majority of the two years I worked there. She is in a relationship with a guy and still is for 8 years, they recently got married about 4 months ago. She wasn't going to marry him because she had realised after meeting me that there were better things out there for her or so she said. Even his family told her not to marry him but her fear of being alone she went ahead and did it anyway. I had made my feelings perfectly clear. He's a bit of a prick, lives off her, has hit her etc. I had made my feelings perfectly clear to her over the course of knowing one another that I was not and never would be interested in her like that, no physical attraction and so on. However at my leaving party a couple of weeks ago her hubby was being a prick and she had no way of getting home, I knew if I got her over she'd sleep with me, I was completely drunk off my face mind you. Still, when I woke up the next morning, I had a vague recollection of what happened but knew what did. I instantly felt disgusted and ashamed of myself and have shut her out completely ever since. She tried contacting me for a few days, sent me messages, tried to call saying she hopes this doesn't ruin our friendship but I said to her I think it's best we have nothing to do with one another. Pretty big mistake all in all, combination of I'd never of done it normally and made a horrible drunk decision or didn't think at all really, as you do. Her being married, felt pretty bad. Plus the sex was awful from what I remember.
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