bill626364 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Hi all - just looking for some advice concerning a platonic female friend of mine. We've been friends for about 10 years in an on/off fashion as she moved to another city for some time. About 3 years ago she returned to where I live and we carried on as usual just hanging out and being good friends to each other. Then things began to change. She became quite demanding of my time and acting like we were a couple with all the expectations that that carries with it (me being attentive to her and generally courting her). Let me explain that I do find her physically attractive but personality wise we differ enough for me to not consider her really beyond friendship (she is very serious and I'm a laid back person). Time goes on and her behavior toward me continues to be demanding but she tends to push me away at times reinforcing the fact that we are just friends even though I did absolutely nothing to initiate anything. At this point I started pulling away from her as I found this behavior to be annoying. Are we friends or are we something more?? To my mind we were friends. So it's time for me to leave on a 12 month trip to Asia and while at my going away party she completely hits on me. Once again I pull back and don't initiate anything despite her advances as she is my friend and I valued that (plus she had been drinking). Upon my return home we rekindled our friendship but she makes a point to tell me that she has been sleeping with a guy and that the only reason she made advances toward me was because she was horny. I was shocked!! This is my supposed loving friend telling me that the only reason she was attracted to me was for simple sex. I told her that crossing into relationship territory was dangerous to our friendship and that I do miss her and find her physically attractive but I couldn't imagine simply sleeping with her. Then everything gets turned around onto me and I'm seeing too much into our friendship and once again she was only horny and did not want to be anything but friends. I felt confused and hurt by her completely cold and uncaring attitude. Then she smiles and kisses me full on the mouth! What a roller coaster. I was dumb founded. So after a few weeks and sparse contact I told her that I was hurt and shocked by her actions. Her reply was that she did not intend to hurt me but we were just friends and that I once again was seeing too much into the friendship. So now I sit totally confused and not knowing what I should do about this?? I'm angry with her for being so uncaring but she continues to want to be friends and I don't want to lose her friendship after so many years and fond memories. My trust is gone and feel like she is simply a user and not a real friend. What do you make of this situation?? Am I over reacting or should I throw this friendship to the curb??
Shindig Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 It doesn't sound like she is considering what you want at all. Is that what you want out of your friendships?
Cee Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I think you nailed it. This woman is a user. Ugh, she sounds horrible. Remove this leech from your life.
funinTibet Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship to me. Better let go of it before it ruins you. Sorry to put it so directly, but that is what I felt after reading your account.
SeekingTheDragon Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 . Then everything gets turned around onto me and I'm seeing too much into our friendship and once again she was only horny and did not want to be anything but friends. I felt confused and hurt by her completely cold and uncaring attitude. I'm confused. You say she is being hurtful by claiming you are seeing too much into the friendship - but then you seem kind of upset that she did it out of feeling physically attracted to you & saying she did not want with to be anything but friends. Are you unhappy she just wants to be friends or what? And why should you care if she's sleeping with anyone else? Perhaps she was hurt by the rejection and tried to devalue it by saying she was only horny. People do this as a sort of self-defense mechanism and usually aren't trying to deliberately hurt you. If she is moving past it, that's a good thing. You've been friends for 10 years - that is a long time and I would be hesitant to throw it away. You don't have to be bosom buddies (or are you still wishing for closeness)? Either way, good luck!
Trinity2 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 According to what I read in you post, you need to end this 'friendship'. She's sending you mixed signals. She does care for you more than a friend, but her talk is different because she's playing a game. Best wishes to you;)
Author bill626364 Posted November 22, 2010 Author Posted November 22, 2010 Thanks for the replies people. I've decided to completely distance myself from this person. I do believe she was trying to cover up the fact that she was interested in me and perhaps embarrassed that after a few drinks it came out. But I'm finished with being anywhere close to her (friendship or other wise) as life is too short to be concerned with games and selfishness. Too bad - just another lesson in "honesty is the best policy". Thanks again
Taramere Posted November 22, 2010 Posted November 22, 2010 Thanks for the replies people. I've decided to completely distance myself from this person. I do believe she was trying to cover up the fact that she was interested in me and perhaps embarrassed that after a few drinks it came out. But I'm finished with being anywhere close to her (friendship or other wise) as life is too short to be concerned with games and selfishness. Too bad - just another lesson in "honesty is the best policy". Thanks again Quite right. She sounds like a thoroughly annoying person who wants to place you into the category of "guy friend who has an unrequited crush on me" - even though the reality is that you find her attractive enough but aren't really interested in her beyond friendship. If you were to put it to her like that it would only spark off more of her self-adoring yap. You're doing the right thing by just closing down the friendship.
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