chocha_mocha Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Has anyone ever been in a relationship where you find yourself second guessing everything you believe in and wonder if you are going mad? You know you're not, but it begins to feel that way every time you have a conversation with your partner?
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Has anyone ever been in a relationship where you find yourself second guessing everything you believe in and wonder if you are going mad? You know you're not, but it begins to feel that way every time you have a conversation with your partner? Yes, absolutely.
sanskrit Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Have felt less emotionally manipulated and more directly manipulated. About two-three months in, they want to start dressing me, styling my hair, and imposing their general agenda in my life fairly directly. At that point, I feel we should both be just enjoying each other's company and having fun, not working long term agendas.
Author chocha_mocha Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Have felt less emotionally manipulated and more directly manipulated. About two-three months in, they want to start dressing me, styling my hair, and imposing their general agenda in my life fairly directly. At that point, I feel we should both be just enjoying each other's company and having fun, not working long term agendas. God, that would do my head in!
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 About two-three months in, they want to start dressing me, styling my hair, I thought this was kind of cute behaviour, and below is a quote from the wiki page on social grooming. In social animals, including humans, social grooming or allogrooming is an activity in which individuals in a group clean or maintain each other's body or appearance. It is a major social activity, and a means by which animals who live in proximity can bond and reinforce social structures, family links, and build relationships. Social grooming is also used as a form of reconciliation and a means of conflict resolution in some species. Just another perspective.
sanskrit Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Actually, according to my platonic GFs, they have usually done things to make me less attractive to other women. One constantly harped on having me gel my hair, which is thoroughly against my nature. I finally gave in and platonic GFs were like "lose that look pronto!"
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Actually, according to my platonic GFs, they have usually done things to make me less attractive to other women. One constantly harped on having me gel my hair, which is thoroughly against my nature. I finally gave in and platonic GFs were like "lose that look pronto!" That's crap. My ex husbands version of that, is to tell whichever girl he is with that she is crap at sex and crap at kissing, and no guy would want you, so that the girl will feel insecure and won't leave. Unfortunately he never realised that if you tell a girl she is crap at sex, she won't understand why on earth he wants to have sex with her.:lmao: He still uses the same strategy to this day.:lmao:
Author chocha_mocha Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 That's crap. My ex husbands version of that, is to tell whichever girl he is with that she is crap at sex and crap at kissing, and no guy would want you, so that the girl will feel insecure and won't leave. Unfortunately he never realised that if you tell a girl she is crap at sex, she won't understand why on earth he wants to have sex with her.:lmao: He still uses the same strategy to this day.:lmao: That's scary, to think some people who behave like this actually think they are going to end up in a meaningful and happy relationship with the person they are dragging down. Problem is, when you are down, its so hard to get back up
shiftedblue Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Has anyone ever been in a relationship where you find yourself second guessing everything you believe in and wonder if you are going mad? You know you're not, but it begins to feel that way every time you have a conversation with your partner? Yes, and to me, that's usually an indication that the guy is a sociopath. Happened recently to me in fact, and now I've decided to cut all ties.
Banker Chick Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 My most recent exbf was like this. I'm still not sure if he even realized it completely but the most notable thing was he would say little mean things here and there and when I took issue, he said it was "sarcasm" and I just needed to understand how sarcasm worked. Ummmm ... I am a smartass and the queen of sarcasm and what he was doing wasn't it. They were just mean little digs. No matter how I tried to explain it (that I've never had this problem with anyone else) he just tried to make me feel like I didn't know what I was talking about and needed to lighten up. I personally think he had anger issues that he suppressed and that was how they would manifest themselves. We were together 10 months and I honestly am glad I'm out of that relationship, even though I miss other things about him. Stuff like that seems to only escalate and intensify over time.
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 That's scary, to think some people who behave like this actually think they are going to end up in a meaningful and happy relationship with the person they are dragging down. Problem is, when you are down, its so hard to get back up It took time and determination on my part. And all the negativity about cheating aside, eventually I just needed to get a second opinion. And I don't think some people are here to ever have a meaningful, happy relationship. I think they are here to challenge us, and teach us what we don't want, and push us to break all the rules we set up for ourselves. So long as he leaves me alone, and doesn't abuse our children, I have no ill will towards him. I feel sad sometimes for the girls that cross his path, but it's their choice whether to buy into his manipulation. And hopefully they learn fast and be better for it.
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 My most recent exbf was like this. I'm still not sure if he even realized it completely but the most notable thing was he would say little mean things here and there and when I took issue, he said it was "sarcasm" and I just needed to understand how sarcasm worked. Ummmm ... I am a smartass and the queen of sarcasm and what he was doing wasn't it. They were just mean little digs. No matter how I tried to explain it (that I've never had this problem with anyone else) he just tried to make me feel like I didn't know what I was talking about and needed to lighten up. I personally think he had anger issues that he suppressed and that was how they would manifest themselves. We were together 10 months and I honestly am glad I'm out of that relationship, even though I miss other things about him. Stuff like that seems to only escalate and intensify over time. Sure sounds like my exhusband.
Author chocha_mocha Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 My most recent exbf was like this. I'm still not sure if he even realized it completely but the most notable thing was he would say little mean things here and there and when I took issue, he said it was "sarcasm" and I just needed to understand how sarcasm worked. Ummmm ... I am a smartass and the queen of sarcasm and what he was doing wasn't it. They were just mean little digs. No matter how I tried to explain it (that I've never had this problem with anyone else) he just tried to make me feel like I didn't know what I was talking about and needed to lighten up. I personally think he had anger issues that he suppressed and that was how they would manifest themselves. We were together 10 months and I honestly am glad I'm out of that relationship, even though I miss other things about him. Stuff like that seems to only escalate and intensify over time. I know what you mean about the digs. There was loads of stuff my bf would say and I would just be sat there like can't believe you just said that. If I had a problem, it was because I didn't get the 'joke' or that I was perceiving things wrongly. Maybe I just didn't have his sense of humour, I dunno, but I do have a sense of humour and the stuff wasn't funny. His argument was that I always put a negative spin on the things he said and never saw things 'his way'. Well from what I understand about life, his way was pretty warped:lmao: The thing I'm really hating about myself right now is that I became massively insecure about things and confessed this. I became insecure because of his actions but no matter what, all the problems were then down to me because he could hang everything on my insecurity peg. Plus I could see he was using it against me at times. This is the second relationship were I have felt this way except this one is worse because of the feelings invested. Even though I'm sat here doubting and hating myself (for doubting myself), I still love him. What a mind job:(
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