Mellisa Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Hi guys,not sure i should even make a post of this cause you guys probably have more legitimate dating issues here to worry about. I posted about this brit i met online few weeks ago.I dont want to waste a big time consulting or trying to figure out what's going on now.Now i'm 90% clear that he doesnt give a crap about me.It's like Hello,it's an online dating + a traveling brit ,what can you expect right?Admit third date kinda got my hopes up a little and i was on the very verge feeling i might fall for this guy who invited me to his place and made me pasta for dinner followed with dancing and making up.And then bang,ON my way back like 20 minutes after i left there i got a message from him telling me that he's leaving in three weeks and that he would understand if i didnt want to see him anymore...Well, you thought i should have stoped there right,but i didnt. I went there last weekend.Spent the night there but didnt have sex.Left there that time i had thought that was it but half way home i found that i had left my ring there.It's an Indian moon stone which i really cherish.So i had to go there again to get it back.Well, admit maybe part of me did want to see him again besides the ring.Anyway,the problem now is he isnt so eager to see me again and for me to get my ring back i have to go there.Texted him this tuesday asking if i could come over after work he said he had arranged to go out;Texted him this fri to make an arrangement for me to get the ring this sunday he said he might have to see a friend off and would let me know sunday morning.I didnt want to push him so i told him to see that friend and i'll just need a time to get my ring back before he leaves.He left me with that he would let me know when he's free...now i feel like what the ****,if i ever wanted to spend more time than just get the ring by coming there again i dont want that now.Now i just want my ring back and get it over with.Am i just suppose to wait for his free time so that i can have MY ring back?Or should i demand a meet up time,get my ringe and out of there for good?Had thought if he wanted to hang out we would hang out till he left.I really didnt have much expectation(since he told me he's leaving) and just wanted to some good times.Now i feel he treated me like crap and it wasnt fun anymore.Can you still have fun knowing they are treating you like crap?I've come to my sense and seen it clearly as it is if i was ever under any illusion. Well, i guess not all the jerks has a tag reads i'm jerk.Yet there are the warning signs like the last minute text notices to meet up;back off from after 3rd date if no sex.Is he a complete jerk or does he just not want to bother under the traveling & leaving theme? My learning:Do be skeptical about online dating and watch for the warning signs;Dont leave anything previous in a guy's place unless you are sure to see him next week Just turned a little awkward now...Anyone feel free to jump in and give me some lectures cause i'm sharing this experience for the learning.
LittleTiger Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 No lectures from me, but if the ring is important to you I would go around to his place (with a guy friend in tow) and ask him to give it to you. You don't have to arrange a time, just turn up when he's most likely to be in. Forget about any further 'friendship' with him. He's a jerk and you deserve better.
dispatch3d Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Gah you get too worked up over this. Stop thinking so much on it. I doubt you actually love that ring as much as you're making it out to be. You have been pretty wishy-washy with this guy, and now he has something that you want and is being wishy-washy with you. Not that surprising really. You should have made it sound like you wanted to see him again, then gotten your ring then (cause you did want to see him again by your own admission). By making it out like you just want your ring he's getting a negative vibe from you, like I just have to go there to get my ring and eff you. Hard to explain, but if I was in his situation I may do the exact same thing. Put yourself in his shoes.
Author Mellisa Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Gah you get too worked up over this. Stop thinking so much on it. I doubt you actually love that ring as much as you're making it out to be. You have been pretty wishy-washy with this guy, and now he has something that you want and is being wishy-washy with you. Not that surprising really. You should have made it sound like you wanted to see him again, then gotten your ring then (cause you did want to see him again by your own admission). By making it out like you just want your ring he's getting a negative vibe from you, like I just have to go there to get my ring and eff you. Hard to explain, but if I was in his situation I may do the exact same thing. Put yourself in his shoes. Gah you get too worked up over this. Stop thinking so much on it. I doubt you actually love that ring as much as you're making it out to be. You have been pretty wishy-washy with this guy, and now he has something that you want and is being wishy-washy with you. Not that surprising really. You should have made it sound like you wanted to see him again, then gotten your ring then (cause you did want to see him again by your own admission). By making it out like you just want your ring he's getting a negative vibe from you, like I just have to go there to get my ring and eff you. Hard to explain, but if I was in his situation I may do the exact same thing. Put yourself in his shoes. You are right.Now i do feel i was a little too worked up over it.I'm sure i'll get my ring back before he leaves but i just dont like the idea that he thinks he get to decide when to meet and i'm just suppose to wait around.With the ring there, i'll always feel like i'll go there another time and it's not over yet..kinda like being strung along.Wouldnt really bother me if i didnt feel a thing for him..but i probably so and that's why i'm concerned. For me it's always like if he's not that into you, cut it off and move on.I feel it's important for me to get to do the self empowering cut off and move on through the act of asking my ring back instead of making him think i want to see him again.Even though maybe i do want to see him again(which i'm not even sure myself),i feel the need to defend my pride and not to show a shred of clinginess like oh i want to see you again...That's why i think the faster i got my ring back the soon i'll be able to put this behind me completely.You are not a woman so you probably dont understand how a woman's mind works:p.Plus it's a beautiful moon stone with the blue shimmering.I do miss having it on my finger sometimes. Yeah, i know i just made another big deal out if it..sigh This shouldnt really be that complicated!I should go ahead and arrange a time with him to meet.I still think it should be more about getting my ring back and get it over with.Well,maybe i'll just say"Hey, how about we meet this XXday"
Sarah1977 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Did you leave the ring there on purpose so you could have an excuse to see him again? Be honest, because I think you did. And I'm guessing if I can pick up on that, so can this brit. It's actually a pretty pathetic move. Sorry. I'd ask him to pop the ring in the mail. Or, leave it in an envelope with your name on it taped to his door or in his mailbox. Dude doesn't want to see you again. If you care about the ring, you'll offer suggestions on how you can get it back without making it necessary for him to see you to give it to you. In fact, if I were you, I would probably be too embarrassed to see him anyway. Don't worry, someone better will come along.
Author Mellisa Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Did you leave the ring there on purpose so you could have an excuse to see him again? Be honest, because I think you did. And I'm guessing if I can pick up on that, so can this brit. It's actually a pretty pathetic move. Sorry. I'd ask him to pop the ring in the mail. Or, leave it in an envelope with your name on it taped to his door or in his mailbox. Dude doesn't want to see you again. If you care about the ring, you'll offer suggestions on how you can get it back without making it necessary for him to see you to give it to you. In fact, if I were you, I would probably be too embarrassed to see him anyway. Don't worry, someone better will come along. You might not believe if i say i didnt leave it there on purpose.Swear i didnt! But i admit once i found out i left it there i did feel a little glad like"looks like i'll come there another time after all...".Guess that's the reason i didnt turn around and made my way back to get it that time besides the fact i was already in the metro.Do you think he thinks i left it there on purpose so i can have an excuse to see him again?Guys, would you think that way? I'm actually also thinking about just show up there after work(only takes 20 minute to get there from where i work),knock on the door and say do you mind i get my ring back and i'll be gone as soon as he hand it to me...but i think that should be the last option to take.Or do you think in this case it's so clear that he doesnt want to see me that i should just resolve to the last option?
Sarah1977 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 .Or do you think in this case it's so clear that he doesnt want to see me that i should just resolve to the last option? If you want to maintain your dignity and pride, you will try to get the ring back in such a way as you don't have to see him, period. Via mail or in an envelope taped to the door, in the mailbox, under the welcome mat, etc. Any other way and you just look pathetic and desperate.
Author Mellisa Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 If you want to maintain your dignity and pride, you will try to get the ring back in such a way as you don't have to see him, period. Via mail or in an envelope taped to the door, in the mailbox, under the welcome mat, etc. Any other way and you just look pathetic and desperate. Well, I do want to maintain my digity and pride but those methods sounds a little dramatic and extreme...that's what you girls would do?Guys,i need your take on this hehe..
tkgirl Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 If you want to maintain your dignity and pride, you will try to get the ring back in such a way as you don't have to see him, period. Via mail or in an envelope taped to the door, in the mailbox, under the welcome mat, etc. Any other way and you just look pathetic and desperate. this is the best idea... just call or email him and ask him to leave the ring somewhere outside his door and you'll stop by and get it... nothing else. next! because I'm afraid he has lost interest and more that likely was just looking for a quick hook up anyways... so it's no loss. Also, I find it odd after you leave his place on that one date that he sends you a text 20 minutes later... by the way, I'm leaving in 3 weeks so... WTF? he couldn't tell you that in person while you were there? to me it's a big red flag that he's basically a big weinie! you deserve better right? good luck getting your ring back and moving on to meeting better guys!
dispatch3d Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 You might not believe if i say i didnt leave it there on purpose.Swear i didnt! But i admit once i found out i left it there i did feel a little glad like"looks like i'll come there another time after all...".Guess that's the reason i didnt turn around and made my way back to get it that time besides the fact i was already in the metro.Do you think he thinks i left it there on purpose so i can have an excuse to see him again?Guys, would you think that way? I'm actually also thinking about just show up there after work(only takes 20 minute to get there from where i work),knock on the door and say do you mind i get my ring back and i'll be gone as soon as he hand it to me...but i think that should be the last option to take.Or do you think in this case it's so clear that he doesnt want to see me that i should just resolve to the last option? Yeah just show up to his house and ask for the ring back. I think if you have your dignity, pride, and first born child tied into how awesome this ring is, maybe you should think about buying a nicer more expensive ring to attach those things to it? I mean I know it's probably nice, but if I had those three things invested in one ring it'd be a really ****ing nice ring.
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