how2forgive&2forget Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Please convince me. I'm feeling a little down tonight. (on a break with my "bf"...i'm assuming he's surroundes by women right now.)
MyNameIsJonas Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Please convince me. I'm feeling a little down tonight. (on a break with my "bf"...i'm assuming he's surroundes by women right now.) .......and you aren't surrounded by guys right now because __________. Top advantage to being single: Complete and total independence. You get to spend the time you want to work on you and do what you want without "checking in" with anyone first.
Lucky555 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I actually enjoy being single right now. No drama, I can finally relax and have peace in my life. I am enjoying the silence in my life being alone. When I was in my last relationship I didn't feel secure so I was questioning the relationship. The guy just was not dependable and always had excuses. I got tired of it. Anyways long story short I'm in a rather stressful time in my life and I just rather not add any more. For now I'm content and I find my life to be ok right now because I'm not hurting myself by stressing about a guy. I figure if the guy really wants to be with me he will. Although if I'm not actively seeking anyone nor do I want to right now. I'm using all my energy and brain for advancing my life.
strength-abounds Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I just left a 9 year and very toxic relationship. Frankly, I love being single. Before my ExW and I decided to get married, I had planned on buying a sports car. Instead of using my saved money for a car, we used it for the wedding. I'm going new car shopping next week for the brightest, loudest, and fastest car I can afford. And she is going to be p****d! Single life is great!
Stung Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I was always perfectly happy being single. It's nice to have all the "me" time, to be able to stretch out over the whole bed, etc. While I do love being married, there are pros and cons to each state, it's all a matter of what you prioritize at the time. I had fun being single and independent.
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Being single is awesome. I just had lunch at my parents place, and a whole bunch of people, and my dad wouldn't let my mum leave the place for 2 minutes to look at some roses, he practically threw a tantrum. Who needs that? And my girlfriend gave me the roses yesterday because I helped her out. The most beautiful roses I have ever seen. No man has ever done that. I can sleep when I want, go out when I want, eat what I want, dress up or down depending on how I feel, and have no one there criticising all my choices and always trying to get me to change my mind. I don't have to feel guilty if I feel sad too much, or not horny enough, or if some guy noticed me and my partner is insecure. If I don't feel like cooking, I don't have someone getting grumpy at me about it filling the house with pizza, so I get fat, whilst he wonders why I let myself go. I can go to as many exercise classes as I want and if I fall unconscious at 6pm from exhaustion, it's perfectly fine. I can fast. I can sit at the computer for 12hrs straight playing on the battlenet, watching youtube or reading/posting on forums and no one feels ignored. I can go on, but you get the point. Being single is totally awesome.
somedude81 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Being single sucks! (Just had to go against the flow ) Being single and alone for too long can mess with one's head. I don't know why anybody would choose to have nobody in their life.
Surrealist Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Well here's another - being single is great! Though I'm separated. The only part I find difficult is the lack of physical intimacy as I don't sleep around with women or get into situations that would otherwise open opportunities to. Now if you ever feel bad about being single...... I just had lunch at my parents place, and a whole bunch of people, and my dad wouldn't let my mum leave the place for 2 minutes to look at some roses, he practically threw a tantrum. Who needs that? Just look at what long term relationships are like for our olds (parents). Urgh!
skydiveaddict Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Please convince me. I'm feeling a little down tonight. (on a break with my "bf"...i'm assuming he's surroundes by women right now.) Being single isn't bad for a while, but to be honest I'm very very tired of it.
tigressA Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Be glad you're not tied down, period. I'm in an LDR and along with the inherent suckiness of seeing him only rarely, I can't do "whatever" I want because I'm committed.
Els Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Be glad you're not tied down, period. I'm in an LDR and along with the inherent suckiness of seeing him only rarely, I can't do "whatever" I want because I'm committed. If this is truly how you feel about it, why are you in it?
tigressA Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 (edited) Not answering that as I don't wish to t/j (any more than I already may have)...anyway, OP, being single is really nice. It can get tiring after awhile like some others here have said, but overall it's a condition that you can really make the best of. The only person you have to answer to, the only person you have to please, is yourself. Edited October 31, 2010 by tigressA
skydiveaddict Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Be glad you're not tied down, period. I'm in an LDR and along with the inherent suckiness of seeing him only rarely, I can't do "whatever" I want because I'm committed. I can understand your frustration believe me. And I admire you for your commitment. I'm just tired of being alone.
Cracker Jack Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It's pretty bad when you've never been in a relationship, tho.
Woggle Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It is sure than being treated like garbage by your partner. If I weren't with my wife I would probably still be single because I have yet to see somebody that matches up to her.
skydiveaddict Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It's pretty bad when you've never been in a relationship, tho. I bet so Time for you to start one
Els Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Not answering that as I don't wish to t/j (any more than I already may have)...anyway, OP, being single is really nice. It can get tiring after awhile like some others here have said, but overall it's a condition that you can really make the best of. The only person you have to answer to, the only person you have to please, is yourself. You're right, my apologies. Anyway, regarding the OP, being single certainly is better than being in a bad R. However, I think most of us believe that being in a good R is better than being single, which is the reason all of us are here in the first place.
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I don't know why anybody would choose to have nobody in their life. Having no partner, does not equate to having no one in my life. I have very cool people in my life, and I have lots of fun. Sure, I don't get to have sex, but I have everything else I could want, and my own space too. And because I am so happy with my situation, it's a magnetic attractor. Not to make anyone else feel bad, but I can't believe how many times people have told me I am 'looking good' this weekend. I also think coming onto ls has helped me put my life/situation into perspective. So thankyou all, those who are happy and those who aren't.
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 (on a break with my "bf"...i'm assuming he's surroundes by women right now.) In regards to this, I had my exhusbands, exgirlfriend call me for an hour on friday night, because she was upset that my exhusband might have a young hot girlfriend, and she can't take the idea that he might be happy. I say if he is happy, good for him, and it means there is one less frustrated miserable person trying to cause problems for me. Basically, your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to them, but it is mean to want another person to suffer just because you are. If he is surrounded by women right now, and it is actually making him happy, good for him. Now we can focus 100% on getting you feeling happy. You are awesome, and he is just history.
somedude81 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 So thankyou all, those who are happy and those who aren't. Glad my misery could be of service Having no partner, does not equate to having no one in my life. I have very cool people in my life, and I have lots of fun. Sure, I don't get to have sex, but I have everything else I could want, and my own space too. Yeah there is a difference between the two. Though I was talking about a partner, or lack thereof. You did bring up an interesting point. I've read that women have an easier time being single because they have extensive social networks. They always have somebody to talk to and do stuff with. Guys don't have that as much. The girlfriend is basically the primary person to talk to and spend time with. If there isn't a girlfriend, then guys have a much bigger risk of being lonely.
Els Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Glad my misery could be of service Yeah there is a difference between the two. Though I was talking about a partner, or lack thereof. You did bring up an interesting point. I've read that women have an easier time being single because they have extensive social networks. They always have somebody to talk to and do stuff with. Guys don't have that as much. The girlfriend is basically the primary person to talk to and spend time with. If there isn't a girlfriend, then guys have a much bigger risk of being lonely. I think this depends more on one's extroversion/introversion than gender. I know plenty of guys who are livin' up the single life, partying every night and getting random lays without the need to commit. But they are, for the most part, extremely extroverted party animals. On the other hand, I am a total introvert - I form very deep and strong bonds with very few people, and I don't like general socialising. So yes, I would be lonely without a special someone who knows me inside out and understands me completely. It is theoretically possible for a very close female friend to fill that void, but for some reason I've found such bonding to be easier with males. Possibly because you need that element of romance to bridge the last 'gap'.
Surrealist Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Having no partner, does not equate to having no one in my life. I have very cool people in my life, and I have lots of fun. Sure, I don't get to have sex, but I have everything else I could want, and my own space too. And because I am so happy with my situation, it's a magnetic attractor. Not to make anyone else feel bad, but I can't believe how many times people have told me I am 'looking good' this weekend. I also think coming onto ls has helped me put my life/situation into perspective. So thankyou all, those who are happy and those who aren't. Exactly though I do think somedude makes a valid point regarding guys do tend to be a bit more lonely than women who often have 'women chat' to help with their grievances but still..... As a guy, we can replete our lives with good activities that pre-occupy us and help us grow or otherwise enjoy life. I work full-time in a job that isn't too bad (public service so its easy) and I go to the gym and have goals there that I strive toward and just love training anyway. Then there's time to play on the internet, time with pets, and time to rest and relax. Seems to take up all my time and if anything I wonder if I suffer from Insular Singular Syndrome where the desire to find a partner is outweighed by the desire to have a fulfilling single life regardless - or something like that.
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 You did bring up an interesting point. I've read that women have an easier time being single because they have extensive social networks. They always have somebody to talk to and do stuff with. Guys don't have that as much. The girlfriend is basically the primary person to talk to and spend time with. If there isn't a girlfriend, then guys have a much bigger risk of being lonely. Actually it is interesting that you bring THIS up. Because it explains alot for me, and about how I have seen married relationships change over time. Let me explain. One of the things I observed years ago, watching my parents and other married relatives, and being married myself so young, was that was that early on, it seems to be the female wanting the guy to call when he's out and (being a bit clingy) and then later a flip happened, when the male wants to know where the woman is and wants her home (being a bit clingy)etc. What you describe above, sort of explains why some husbands get like that. The thing is, from say my mothers perspective, my dad could be out doing all sorts of things like she is. Rather he clings to all the friends he made before the age of 50, and slowly they are dying off.
Titania22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I work full-time in a job that isn't too bad (public service so its easy) and I go to the gym and have goals there that I strive toward and just love training anyway. Then there's time to play on the internet, time with pets, and time to rest and relax. Seems to take up all my time and if anything I wonder if I suffer from Insular Singular Syndrome where the desire to find a partner is outweighed by the desire to have a fulfilling single life regardless - or something like that. I know what you mean. I don't even work, but I still feel like time gets filled up and days finish at an alarming rate. Even if I found a great guy, I don't know who I would give him the time he deserved, without stealing it from someone else, just as worthy (like my kids). I am very lucky now, to be getting the experience of, having created a home where my sons friends like to come hang out, and the other day I was watching Buffy with my daughter, and she had a friend of skype watching it with us, literally through the webcam (shock to me). How many people can say they have created an environment, where those who can't find the love, support and companionship irl, can go (literally or virtually) to fill the gap. If I was with a man, I could help one person, this way I can be there for many many more.
Surrealist Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 A lot of people also need to realise that as a couple, committed to a monogamous relationship, is NOT two halves coming together as one, but two whole people coming together to share life with one another. I've always said if you can't live with yourself, you won't be able to live with someone either. It's a tragic life irony I guess, in that the people who are most desperate to be in a relationship or married, are likely the least qualified to be in one. Not to put these people down, but such people can make it extremely difficult for their partner by looking at them to fulfill whatever void they have. Hence my post in response to the OP's situation as he articulates it in the following thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251317/
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