Coolsbreeze Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 So my LDR girlfriend, of 10 months, and I have been broken up now for about 2 months now. She was the one who decided to end things and at first I didn't agree with the breakup but over time I've come to realize that maybe it was for the best considering she didn't feel the same way for me. About a week after we broke up she was already in a new relationship with somebody else and as far as I can tell she really loves him, and i'm happy for her. It hurt badly in the beginning when I heard this especially when I was so heartbroken over the breakup, but I've realized that being angry with her is not healthy for me, and not going to help me move on. I loved her more then she can ever know and would've done anything for her. But I've come to believe that if I truly care about her I'll let her go and if we were meant to be together then the universe will be the one to make it happen. I've also come to realize that I really don't want her out of my life and I at least want to try and keep some form of contact with her, like through Facebook. I had to remove her from Facebook in the beginning because it was just too hard to bare still seeing her status updates and her with her new boyfriend. However, I believe I've moved on enough to realize that there is no more sorrow, only happiness for her. During the course of our relationship I've relied heavily on her advice and wisdom. And that I value tremendously and miss extremely, and I would like to have that back Can anyone tell me what's the best way for me to ask her how we can be Facebook friends again? This is new territory for me considering she was the first serious relationship I've ever been in. And after the breakup she was the one who stated that she still wants to be friends with me, so i know that the bridge is still open for me but I just need to tread carefully in order for her not to take this hand of friendship the wrong way.
brandon9384 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Just send the friends request on facebook and she what happens.
bl22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 only 2 months? seems too soon to me, whatever the reasons were she broke upw ith you, deal with them. be a better you, go to the gym and get yourself looking buff/low body fat, buy yourself some new clothes, change your hair maybe, just so it shows youve reinvented yourself and moved on. if you send her a request where you look like a better, changed person then she should welcome you back. 2 months is too soon though, let things settle more and you'll be friends with her again.
Leandro Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 sounds good, but maybe you should wait a little bit longer.
Hhhh Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I think you should wait as well I tried openning communication after a month because a friend saw her at a club i wad at with some girls so I thought I would send saying too bad I missed you there maybe next time I got no replay back to moving on and NC lolll But really it was kind of a good thing I sent her that text because it shows her that I am moving on and I'm not angry or bitter over the break up so the ball is in her court to respond in the future So maybe wait it out a bit longer and open it up by asking her how shes doing
Author Coolsbreeze Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Thanks for all the replies! Seems to be that there is a consensus in which I need to wait more time. Does anyone have any ideas on how much time I should wait? I really don't mind waiting longer, if it could help in strengthening our friendship in the future then I think its worth it. I assumed that now is a good time to open communications with the ex considering I have been working on myself throughout this whole ordeal ever since we broke up and I really do feel like I have improved myself and matured as an individual. I've been working out and going to the gym, going to church, as well as spending more time with friends and family, the usual post breakup activities that people seem to involve themselves in. She believed that our age difference contributed greatly to our breakup and I guess a part of me agrees considering that there were times she was more mature then me. And for her I think its safe to say that she has moved on especially if she's been in this new relationship pretty much right after she ended things with me. I know for a fact that she loves him and she even went on a trip with him as well. It doesn't bother me anymore because I realize that she's moved on. And if she's happy in what she's doing then I can be happy for her as well.
Capital P Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Wait until u have moved on properly. If you had moved on properly then you wouldnt b on here asking advice, it wouldnt bother u adding her because u wouldnt have feelings. As for being happy for her. She ditched u for someone better. U think you deserve that? I doubt it. She sounds like a bitch, i dont think you have accepted this and grieved properly
Author Coolsbreeze Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Wait until u have moved on properly. If you had moved on properly then you wouldnt b on here asking advice, it wouldnt bother u adding her because u wouldnt have feelings. As for being happy for her. She ditched u for someone better. U think you deserve that? I doubt it. She sounds like a bitch, i dont think you have accepted this and grieved properly Then can you please tell me how much time i should wait until i can open communications once again? It did bother me in the beginning for what she did to me, but in the end me being angry and mad isn't going to make things better, so I've moved past that to the point that it doesn't bother me anymore. I have spent a lot of time grieving over this failed relationship and have realized that it's never going to work.
Leandro Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Then can you please tell me how much time i should wait until i can open communications once again? It did bother me in the beginning for what she did to me, but in the end me being angry and mad isn't going to make things better, so I've moved past that to the point that it doesn't bother me anymore. I have spent a lot of time grieving over this failed relationship and have realized that it's never going to work. We really can't tell you how long to wait. Maybe you should wait till you are in a new relationship and happy with that partner. If your ex really wants to be friends, she will understand that you had to go NC.
Author Coolsbreeze Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 I don't think I would really get into a new relationship anytime soon. Especially with school and me just not having the energy right now to pursue something long term. I think it'd be best for me to just take a break from relationships first.
Leandro Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 probably. How about waiting till the new year starts?
bl22 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 What you need to do now, is forget her....not forever, but now you have too. Join a gym, work on yourself, treat yourself, learn from any mistakes. When your truly happy with yourself whilst single, then you can contact her. But, it may take some time.
Author Coolsbreeze Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 I am pretty content with being single right now, just because i don't have to deal with other people's problems and I can now do whatever i want to do. What should i do if she's the one who opens contact with me first? should i just flat out ask her to be FB friends again or just talk to her very brief?
Lost Fish Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Cools, it's time to be honest with yourself. You obviously are still hung up on her - or you wouldn't even be here asking these silly questions. I dunno man - if I were in your shoes I'd cut her off totally. It's apparent you've been in some form of contact with her all along if you know that she's in love and going on trips and things with her new boyfriend - the guy you wish you were - that you hope "fate" will bring you two back together. Stop worrying about what's going on with her. She isn't worth your time and energy because she obviously isn't going to give you what you want. Move on man.
Lost Fish Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I'll give you an example... I talked with this girl for over a year - we were friends first as we were both in relationships. She was with some douchebag who constantly put himself first and then she'd come crying to me. I saw she was a bit insecure and codependent and it was sort of unflattering... Anyway, they broke up and I had been single a couple months so we went out a few times. Then I see on her facebook that her ex sent her flowers and suddenly they were hooked up again. Considering I had just taken her out 3 days prior and we had already made plans for another date - I knew sticking around and pining and praying that fate would bring her back to me would be a complete waste of my time. So I deleted her immediately off my fb, deleted her phone #... everything. She sent me an accusatory message on facebook half-apologizing for her actions and half asking me why I was being so harsh on her. But by now I was sort of disgusted by her completely selfish and childish behaviors. So I deleted that message too. And guess what - I focused on myself - forced myself out. Even met some new girls and went out - just casual stuff nothing major. And now I met a pretty amazing woman who blows that previous broad out of the park. We'll see how it goes. Our next date is next week. Start believing that you deserve better - truly believing it - and living it - and you will be surprised what life can offer you...
Author Coolsbreeze Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Cools, it's time to be honest with yourself. You obviously are still hung up on her - or you wouldn't even be here asking these silly questions. I dunno man - if I were in your shoes I'd cut her off totally. It's apparent you've been in some form of contact with her all along if you know that she's in love and going on trips and things with her new boyfriend - the guy you wish you were - that you hope "fate" will bring you two back together. Stop worrying about what's going on with her. She isn't worth your time and energy because she obviously isn't going to give you what you want. Move on man. Thanks for the advice, well she told me about the trip because we had planned to do it together when we were still together, but after we broke up she just gave back my money from the trip and took her new boyfriend instead. She told me about this only two weeks after we broke up. I haven't really talked to her at all since then.
Author Coolsbreeze Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 I guess it wouldn't hurt to wait a while longer before I ask her to be friends again, even if she has moved on so quickly with another guy. There's no harm in giving space and time to a person.
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