The_Capitalist Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I am currently a sophomore in college. No, I have never dated, nor have I been engaged in any sort of intimate relationship whatsoever. I still maintain a state of virginity. I have tried asking out a girl before, but she said no, and I simply swallowed it and moved on. That was over three years ago, and I haven't tried since. There is this girl who is currently in my computer science class. I've known her for a good seven months, and we've previously shared another class last semester, where we worked on a group project together. Before this group project was assigned, I never really even talked to her or even noticed her in any way, and she sat in the row of seats behind me. I tended to glance more at the girl sitting next to her (they didn't speak to one another). However, having gotten to know her through this group project, I discovered that even average-looking girls can be quite attractive, and I really enjoyed her company. However, I had no designs on her at the time and presumed that we probably wouldn't see each other ever again. During the next semester, I was pleasantly surprised to see her in my computer science class on day one. I didn't even know that she was taking CS (and this particular section too!), and we greeted each other like any pair of old acquaintances would do. Well, over the past few weeks, we have gotten a little closer (I would consider ourselves more friends than acquaintances now). We do homework together, and we often walk back to the other side of campus after class, but outside of class, we don't see each other much. (I commute from home, and she lives on campus, so that's probably why.) Now, I like her enough and want to get to know her outside of the classroom. However, I just don't have a clue on how to ask. Time is running somewhat short (it's almost the end of the semester) and I doubt I will be lucky enough to share another class with her again next semester. I have two options: 1. Do nothing, presume she will say no, and enjoy being single. 2. Ask her out, and risk potential embarrassment. I don't want to be overly direct in my request (then it would just be plain creepy), but I don't want to be so subtle either that she wouldn't be at least somewhat aware of my intentions. I would appreciate any advice on my situation.
utterer of lies Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Well, over the past few weeks, we have gotten a little closer (I would consider ourselves more friends than acquaintances now). We do homework together, and we often walk back to the other side of campus after class, but outside of class, we don't see each other much. (I commute from home, and she lives on campus, so that's probably why.) Now, I like her enough and want to get to know her outside of the classroom. However, I just don't have a clue on how to ask. Time is running somewhat short (it's almost the end of the semester) and I doubt I will be lucky enough to share another class with her again next semester. Lets go out together. May I invite you for a drink?
Author The_Capitalist Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Lets go out together. May I invite you for a drink? Isn't that a little overly direct? Anything more subtle, or is that how to do it?
Sabali Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Isn't that a little overly direct? Anything more subtle, or is that how to do it? No. It's not overly direct. In fact, I am often more direct but not always. Tell her that you are going to hear this band play or hiking in XYZ woods or rollerskating or whatever and that you want her to come with you. That simple. You can try asking if she would like to come along but I like to leave less room for a "no" but that is just me. Why would you be embarrassed if you ask her out? Because of rejection? Let me tell you man, the most successful men in this world have more failures and rejections under their belt than anyone else. Did you know that the coach who has won the most NBA games as a coach also has the most losses? The difference is that keep trying and they keep pushing. You do anything long and often enough and you will have the most failures/rejections from it. Don't be embarrassed if she rejects you. It happens to the best of us.
mogul Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I'm assuming you have her number to begin with? Next time in class, ask her to study together. Once you are with her "studying", make it light and fun and just say that she seems like a fun girl to get to know and suggest you guys should go to dinner together.
sagetalk Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Don't be a dummy like I was at your age. Women (if they are truly single) want to be asked out. Even if they say no, they loved being asked out. Do it! If she says no, there is no more guessing and you can start looking for a girl that will say yes.
TouchedByViolet Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Don't be a dummy like I was at your age. Women (if they are truly single) want to be asked out. Even if they say no, they loved being asked out. Do it! If she says no, there is no more guessing and you can start looking for a girl that will say yes. Well said! Especially at your age OP, being bold and showing guts counts
Sabali Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 (edited) Don't be a dummy like I was at your age. Women (if they are truly single) want to be asked out. Even if they say no, they loved being asked out. Very true. When I was around the OP's age, I used to think that all of these hot women walking around and even the average looking babes with the sweet personalities all just had boyfriend and dates just dripping from their skin. That was until a buddy/coworker of mine who I just started hanging out with back then told me something that I thought was a shocker. He told me that many of our female coworkers were just sitting at home, doing nothing, and waiting to be asked out. We worked for a very large corporation. I couldn't believe it at first. I mean, there were many hot babes at our job and our bosses put them on display to keep the customers coming back. I was always of the suspicion that those women went home and had a line of guys at their home waiting to bang them . My buddy seemed so sure of it (I later found out why he was so sure it) so I decided to test his claim. I started asking our female coworkers out privately and man they were just jumping at the opportunity. Some actually didn't have much of a life outside of work and some were single and just waiting to be asked out by a guy. So yes, I was that dummy too until my buddy showed me the light. Women like to be asked out man. Single women loved to be asked out, especially. Edited October 30, 2010 by Sabali
Author The_Capitalist Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Very well, then. I will do precisely what you guys have prescribed. Tell her that you are going to hear this band play or hiking in XYZ woods or rollerskating or whatever and that you want her to come with you. That simple. You can try asking if she would like to come along but I like to leave less room for a "no" but that is just me. How do you leave less room for no? Should I say that I am interested in her? Or should I beat around the bush and say that she is an "interesting person"?
Arabella Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Isn't that a little overly direct? Anything more subtle, or is that how to do it? Why do you want to be subtle? If you're ambiguous in your request, she may misinterpret it as you wanting to hang out as friends, and you'll end up friendzoned... which is going to be worse than her just saying no. I know it's different since I'm a girl, but a few weeks ago I asked a guy in my class out by simply saying "Hey, do you want to come over to my place to see movie XYZ?" (since we both expressed interest in watching it). Now we're seeing each other several times a week outside class. Just be direct. Worst case scenario, she says no, and at least you tried. Like you said, you probably won't have a class with her again anyways. Best of luck, Arabella
utterer of lies Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Isn't that a little overly direct? Anything more subtle, or is that how to do it? No. Overly direct would be "I really want to have sex with you.". How do you leave less room for no? You don't. Either she wants to go out with you, or she doesn't. Should I say that I am interested in her? Or should I beat around the bush and say that she is an "interesting person"? Maybe say "I like you and would like to go out with you". Interesting person..no. That sounds stupid. Also you'll likely be nervous so you should probably focus on something simple to say
Author The_Capitalist Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Maybe say "I like you and would like to go out with you". Interesting person..no. That sounds stupid. Also you'll likely be nervous so you should probably focus on something simple to say A little direct, but I will give that a try. Then again, saying something like that gives very little room for misinterpretation. Any other thoughts? I plan on asking tomorrow.
gypsy_nicky Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 do you have her number? do you even know if she's interested in you?
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 For a Capitalist, you sure don't like taking risks.
counterman Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 IMO, I think you've have a great situation here, especially compared to a cold pick-up. Think of something you want to do with her, then when you're speaking normally to her, just bring it up. "Hey, we should do this on said day" - I wouldn't ask her if she wants to do it... just do it casually as though you guys have already hung out before. Then, get her number, etc. Don't sweat on it too much
Author The_Capitalist Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 (edited) So, I asked her if we could have lunch together in a week (both of us are terribly busy with schoolwork this week) and she agreed. However, my question now is, how do I get to tell her that I like her and would like to be more than just a mere friend? I did say that I wanted to see her more, but I doubt that got the point across. Edited November 1, 2010 by The_Capitalist
tman666 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Dude, relax. She agreed to go to lunch with you. You've got this in the bag. Don't tell her that you want to be more than friends. Show her. Ask her to the movies, to dinner, to hang out on the weekends and partake in the fun things you like to do (video games don't count). If the weather is good take her on a hike and a picnic or a bike ride or something. Compliment her looks so she knows that you find her attractive. It's not rocket science. Just remember that all you can do is extend yourself to her. You can't force her to think about you a certain way, and if she decides it's not going to happen, then it aint happenin'.
sagetalk Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 So, I asked her if we could have lunch together in a week (both of us are terribly busy with schoolwork this week) and she agreed. However, my question now is, how do I get to tell her that I like her and would like to be more than just a mere friend? I did say that I wanted to see her more, but I doubt that got the point across. Good job, now you're getting experience. Don't do anything other than make her like being around you. Smile, tell her how great her smile is, make light physical contact. If it works it works, if it doesn't, you gave it the ole' college try.
mogul Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 So, I asked her if we could have lunch together in a week (both of us are terribly busy with schoolwork this week) and she agreed. However, my question now is, how do I get to tell her that I like her and would like to be more than just a mere friend? I did say that I wanted to see her more, but I doubt that got the point across. I don't know the whole story, but I wouldn't tell her unless she has been a close friend or what not. Imo its kind of creepy to just spring it on her if you barely know her. It's usually best when it is implied, a romantic dinner, a weekend getaway or simply "relationship type talk".
counterman Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Great job man. Yeah, don't tell her... just show her. It's kind of forward if you just tell her you like her. It might put her in an uncomfortable position because she might not feel the same way. It really depends on how you show it. Like what the other posters said, make her like being around you. Just relax because the more you overthink things, the more it will show. Flirt with her, light touching, compliments, a bit of teasing, just a bit of fun. See how things go then ask her if she wants to go out again before you guys depart.
Author The_Capitalist Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 I don't know the whole story, but I wouldn't tell her unless she has been a close friend or what not. Imo its kind of creepy to just spring it on her if you barely know her. It's usually best when it is implied, a romantic dinner, a weekend getaway or simply "relationship type talk". I agree about the whole "implied" thing. She isn't a close friend, but at this point, I would say that we are more than mere acquaintances.
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