OmegaSol Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 So I'm 24, I'm a college student graduating in December. It's been a year since I had a very serious breakup. Its taken time to get over and I had one GF for 2 months since. I've been desperately trying to get back into the dating scene but it's nearly impossible. Ive tried online... Everything.* The thing is it feels like it's been so long that it's a joke, my self esteem is just completely shot. I mean I work out, I'm educated, I think I'm pretty good looking, I dress well and I am able to fake self confidence really well. Whenever I tell my close friends they say I have an aura of confidence and charisma. *I do receive lots of compliments but I just don't know how to act around a girl I like, I feel utterly hopeless and miserable.* And maybe I do expect a relationship to be some sort of self validation that I'm "good enough" but after so many failures and completely being ignored I'm just at the point of embarrassed to even try. I know my reasons are wrong but I know this is what I want, and simple positive old timey quotes and being told to think positive isn't going to change my inner desires.
shayan Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 yo big O, it seems like your tactics with women are not working. Tell me more about your situation, tell me what you've tried with women and why you think it didn't work then I can advise you.
Author OmegaSol Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Tactics? I thought treating them like normal human beings, getting to Know them better and see if theirs a connection pretty much is all there is to It. Or at least that's how it's always been until now
nikayla Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 OmegaSol: You say that you have an aura of confidence, but exactly how are you displaying it? Do you feel the need to verbalize your accomplishments, or overpower the conversation? Do you appear to be very forgiving or accommodating on your dates? Us women say we want nice guys, but we want is a combination of nice and aggression. More importantly, be yourself and seek out women who are genuine. Learn to surround yourself with those will accept you for who are you instead of hoping to fit into a niche. Good luck.
Surrealist Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 OmegaSol: You say that you have an aura of confidence, but exactly how are you displaying it? Do you feel the need to verbalize your accomplishments, or overpower the conversation? Do you appear to be very forgiving or accommodating on your dates? Us women say we want nice guys, but we want is a combination of nice and aggression. More importantly, be yourself and seek out women who are genuine. Learn to surround yourself with those will accept you for who are you instead of hoping to fit into a niche. Good luck. Nikayla what do you mean by aggression? You mean a guy who takes the lead in a situation, or something else?
nikayla Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Surrealist: Sorry for the late response. When I think of positive aggression, I mean a guy who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to say what is on his mind--with discretion. I apologize for the confusion.
jstalltxga Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I know how you feel man. I feel the same way most of the time. one thing I have found over the years is that a lot more people have self esteem issues than you might think, even those who are successful with women. They just manifest in different ways (ie they can be abusive *******s, instead of the quiet shy type). I think having that knowledge at least helps give some perspective. I have a friend who hooks up with girls all of the time, and he doesn't respect a single one of them, much less treats them well. Deep down he is actually a decent guy, just has issues that aren't dealt with properly. I know a lot of men like this actually, its sad. I don't know of any easy answers myself, since I am not doing to great at it. Don't get too down about the online dating thing. I did some research, and the numbers are typically stacked wayyy against men on most of those sites, and you have to be a marketing genius to even make a few responses work. it's just as stupid a way to go about it as going to a singles bar.
Cratsky Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I think you may need to spend a little more time working on finding out what your strengths and weaknesses are before pursuing a relationship. When your life is full to the brim with joy, laughter, friends/family etc you tend to emit a certain kind of energy. I'm speaking from experience here. When I'd just gotten over a terrible relationship, it took me a year to fill my own cup with happiness again. And once I started waking up and loving myself, men just appeared from nowhere. My friends would say I had an extra bounce in my step too. When you're truly happy inside, people will be drawn to that energy. If some part of you is still sad, or in doubt then people may subconsciously pick up on it. It may come across as needy, insecure.. all matter of things. It might even be a sixth sense where people just feel 'off' about you. Haven't you met people you just haven't clicked with? It's a little like that. Don't push yourself too hard and don't focus on that expectation that you 'should' be dating by now. Take the time to enjoy all areas of your life and you'll be surprised when someone comes along. You don't need to seek validation from with-out, you've got to have validation from within. Make sense? If you're still hung up on the fact you don't know how to act around a girl, well.. start off by making female friends first. Talk to your work colleagues or try and be friendly to a girl you might see at the gym or in study etc. Try and have a laugh with people. If you go in there with the expectation that 'I'm gonna pursue this girl' you're already setting the bar quite high. Why not go in there thinking 'I'd like to have fun with this girl and see if there's anything we have in common' and that's a sensible tentative approach.
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