colliejoanie Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 (edited) He was supposed to go out of town to see his sister for the weekend, then all of the sudden I get a text Friday morning saying "Not going to sisters, but am going to (another town close to us) with a bunch of friends. Leaving right after work. Gone for the weekend". We normally talk every day, and he just stayed at my house Wednesday night. We had an amazing talk, and I felt we were the closest we've ever been. Then this. He called yesterday twice but didn't leave a message. When I called it went to VM. He sent a drunk text last night. I responded. And haven't heard from him since. I don't know who he's with. etc. etc. etc. I feel like I've just been crapped on. Am I justified in this? Do I deserve at least him to have said "I wish you could come".........just a little confused. Edited October 30, 2010 by colliejoanie
TouchedByViolet Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Sounds a little disrespectful. When you talked to him did he say he wants a committed relationship with you or is he "seeing where it goes" type of thing
Author colliejoanie Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 We didn't have the relationship talk really......we just talked about little things like what drives us crazy in relationships, what we like in partners. We talked about things we would like to do together in the future. We talked about our flaws and the mistakes we make. I felt completely comfortable with where we were in this budding relationship.......... And now I'm completely sad.
SunsetRed Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 He is acting distant and seems to be pulling away. I'm not trying to be mean, but brace yourself for a break up. Don't question him about anything or he'll distance himself more. Play it cool and pull away as well and see if he comes around. At the same time, guard your heart and brace yourself.
TouchedByViolet Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Sorry to here. You should communicate to him that his behavior made you sad. Then see how he responds. If he doesn't apologize or offer some sort of change then it would be best to move on. Sounds like you are more invested than him in the relationship.
welikeincrowds Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 (edited) I looked over your past posts and I see that you tend toward overanalysis. Many of us are uncomfortable with uncertainty, but as it is a part of life, it is especially a part of dating. Don't forget that doubt is an emotion, and like any emotion, it influences you judgment. With all this in mind, I don't think you've been **** on. I think he just wanted to spend the holiday weekend with people he's known for longer, and is closer to. Although I also believe this: Sounds like you are more invested than him in the relationship. ...is quite possible, after looking at your past posts. But I'm willing to bet that most of that extra investment comes from personal motives, and not necessarily from what you see in him. That's my opinion on the matter, but I also feel that it's not the most important thing for you to consider at this moment. What's done is done; whatever you decide to do eventually, there's no point in feeling upset for any longer than you have to. When I feel upset about something ambiguous like this, I try to put things in a larger context. This is just one weekend of thousands (of great weekends) in your lifetime. This guy is one of many (really great guys) in your lifetime. The Gods are personally insulted by mortal men who doubt their own worthiness, and punish swiftly for it. Forgive yourself. You are considerate and highly worthy of dating. Enjoy this incredible world, and this weekend. Edited October 30, 2010 by welikeincrowds
LondonS Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 wow, thats similar to the guy I am dating for over 4 weeks...He hasnt responded my text since yesterday afternoon and normally we text every day... I think he told me long time ago he,ll be away a weekend but not sure if it was this weekend, still, he could have texted/replied.. I,ll wait a day or so else I,ll write him off and start seeing other people...Life is too short for fickle people like these.
Author colliejoanie Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Thanks to you all. Yes, I may be more invested, and the person who pointed out that perhaps its because of self motives, versus what I actually see in him, is probably spot on. With this happening today I realize how sad it would make me not to be with him, but also that he is the first relationship I've had other than my ex husband in YEARS!! I need to utilize this as a learning experience, regardless of the outcome. Still sad, but trying to be more realistic and less needy.
Hopeful30 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Well it depends. Do you usually go out with him and his friends? Does he always bring you and then this particular weekend he didn't? Or have you guys not gotten that serious yet, and he just decided to go away with friends? I don't think its that big of a deal, it really depends on how he acted before and how much this specific situation contrasts his usual behaviour.
Author colliejoanie Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 I've only been out with him and his friends once, last Saturday. Friday we both went out with our own friends and he ended up coming over here later. The previous two weekends he was out of town. The weekend before that we spent both Friday and Saturday just us. So, I guess there is no pattern to look at. The thing that is bothering me is that I haven't heard from him. That is really unusual. REALLY. We generally text every morning regardless of what state he's in.......and, because I didn't want to run the risk of drunk texting him last night, I deleted his phone number........... So, I couldn't contact him even if I wanted to at this point!!!! I guess it's a good thing!!!
D-Lish Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I wouldn't read too much into it at this stage- 6 weeks isn't that long, it's still in that settling in period. Maybe he feels a little vulnerable after your talk the other day.
BobSacamento Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 He probably assumed you had made other plans considering you knew he wouldn't be around.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I find it disrespectful that he decided on last minute notice. I think you're justified for an answer, but seeing that you're not a " couple", the way he treats you falls on the ' friendship" category. Do you feel like cutting bait? If not, do not overstress yourself.
ascendotum Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 He probably assumed you had made other plans considering you knew he wouldn't be around. ^ Yes. OP - someone mentioned your past threads in relation to giving an opinion in respect to the fact that you tend toward over analysis. For me that fits it here. From what I have read with this thread alone, this is no big deal for you to get upset over. You have only known this guy for just 6 weeks, You said you have not had the relationship talk yet. He still has his own life, which has not yet meshed with yours. Even if this took place a year from now, I would still not think it was a huge deal to get upset over if he was not to text you for just 2 days when he is away with mates, fishing, camping, shooting, rock climbing or whatever they do, but then some girls have different expectations when it comes to contact. He no doubt does not know yours yet. I think you are way over reacting if you think this behavior from a guy you only recently met, is being 'crapped on'. I am also really surprised with the post from LondonS. You have only seen this guy for just 4 wks. He has a life that that he has been leading for years and for him to not change his way of doing things overnight (in the scheme of things for him that’s what it is) is hardly unreasonable. He has not texted in a couple of days and you are ready to write him off, and you call him fickle. I thought women want independent, guys who have an exciting life, who travel and do adventurous things and have lots of friends. I guess I have blown it with women over stuff like this in the past.
Author colliejoanie Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Yes, I agree. Definitely over analysing. I do however think he could have communicated better. I still haven't heard from him today. I'm truly surprised. This has never happened. Even when he went home and was in a wedding. I still got pics and texts from him. So, I'll just wait. But, this is yet another lesson learned on this journey.......And trust me, I am learning A LOT!!
Author colliejoanie Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 An update.......So, it's Sunday. I still haven't heard from him. I didn't hear from him at all yesterday. Never in the 6 weeks have we gone a day without some sort of contact. I'm hoping that his phone died. Or he was in an area with no coverage. I'm really hoping I don't get a text from him tonight that just says "hows it going". Regardless of this being a new relationship, and regardless of my tendency to overanalyze, I do think this was pretty disrespectful (barring phone issues). It really allowed me to step back though, and check myself.
allina Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It depends on how he acts when he gets back. Some people don't think of calling to just say hi, especially after only 6 weeks. Maybe in his mind he knows that you know he's away with friends, he even updated you about the change of plans, so there is no reason to call. If he is attentive and his actions before and after this trip show you that you're important to him, let it go. If he's pulling away and making less and less contact let him go. Whatever you do don't question him! No "why didn't you call!?" no "what were you doing?" no "did you meet any women?"
Author colliejoanie Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 You're right. I absolutely will not question him. And I will just wait and see how he acts when he gets back.
LondonS Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 hun, same thing is happeneing here.. In my case however, I have accepted that its over because I have seen him online on the dating website where we met, sent him a couple of messages which he read as well and not responded...so I guess he doesnt want to continue and I really cant think the reasons... no other choice
SunsetRed Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 When he does call. don't be too eager. Wait at least 24 hours until you return his call and casually tell him you were busy. Be strong and be the one in control (of yourself).
dispatch3d Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 ??? He called you twice, texted you what he is doing, and missed your one returned call. I'm not getting this thread at all haha. Stop being so needy and stop blaming everything that's "bad" in a relationship on the guy. The guy isn't "communicating poorly" he did all of the above and never got ahold of you. Next time if you catch him texting call him if that's the kind of interaction you need.
dispatch3d Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 An update.......So, it's Sunday. I still haven't heard from him. I didn't hear from him at all yesterday. Never in the 6 weeks have we gone a day without some sort of contact. I'm hoping that his phone died. Or he was in an area with no coverage. I'm really hoping I don't get a text from him tonight that just says "hows it going". Regardless of this being a new relationship, and regardless of my tendency to overanalyze, I do think this was pretty disrespectful (barring phone issues). It really allowed me to step back though, and check myself. adsflkjasdlfkja agh your doing it more haha. Look just call him if you want to talk to him. Stop being quiet and expecting him to magic-poof read your mind and figure out whats wrong! Communicating takes two people and right now you aren't communicating .
Author colliejoanie Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 The funny thing is that I deleted his phone number.........so I wouldn't drunk text him on Friday night, when I was out with friends - figuring when he called on Saturday, I'd just add it again. So, I CANT call him. Haha!!!!
Author colliejoanie Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 hun, same thing is happeneing here.. In my case however, I have accepted that its over because I have seen him online on the dating website where we met, sent him a couple of messages which he read as well and not responded...so I guess he doesnt want to continue and I really cant think the reasons... no other choice I'm so sorry girl. You'd think he would at least man up and say he's not ready for a relationship or some lame line we've all used. Just leaving you in the lurch is a horrible thing to do.
LondonS Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I'm so sorry girl. You'd think he would at least man up and say he's not ready for a relationship or some lame line we've all used. Just leaving you in the lurch is a horrible thing to do. after asking me non stop to be exclusive with him... I sent a couple of msgs which he read as well...still no response. I have arranged a couple of dates for next week and will write him off totally now ..
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