TouchedByViolet Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Recently I have been dating quite a bit but to no avail. I find it incredibly difficult to find single women who are quality material and when I do it has yet to work out. The girls either stop dating me to date another man, go back to an ex, or drop off the face of the planet. It doesn't matter if we are physical or not it's all the same. So I'm curious, how many different people do you date before finding someone for an exclusive relationship...?
Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Recently I have been dating quite a bit but to no avail. I find it incredibly difficult to find single women who are quality material and when I do it has yet to work out. The girls either stop dating me to date another man, go back to an ex, or drop off the face of the planet. It doesn't matter if we are physical or not it's all the same. So I'm curious, how many different people do you date before finding someone for an exclusive relationship...? I've gone out on dates with 8-9 guys since my ex. Still not in a relationship; although I'm not really sure I want to be, so maybe I've subconsciously been choosing the wrong guys.
jerbear Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 In my experience it could be as low as 1 person to 8 people before finding someone interesting.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 I've gone out on dates with 8-9 guys since my ex. Still not in a relationship; although I'm not really sure I want to be, so maybe I've subconsciously been choosing the wrong guys. I feel like I have been dating women like you! But I am most definitely a right guy. They seem to be having a great time but at the end they lose interest or don't want anything serious. I'm really frustrated about it. In my experience it could be as low as 1 person to 8 people before finding someone interesting. I'm somewhere around 8, I don't know what else to do except the same and hope it works out one day. I feel like a mad man sometimes.
Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I feel like I have been dating women like you! But I am most definitely a right guy. Nope. There's NO WAY for you to know whether you're the right guy for a woman.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Nope. There's NO WAY for you to know whether you're the right guy for a woman. What do you mean? I'm a quality guy with some great traits. I'm not expecting every women I like to feel the same way about me but I definitely picture myself as the "right guy" for some small portion of the female population. I'm sure as hell not going to look at myself as the "wrong guy" I feel like the guys who get girls easily have a way with women to make them feel like they are the right guy, when they may or may not be.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 What do you mean? I'm a quality guy with some great traits. I'm not expecting every women I like to feel the same way about me but I definitely picture myself as the "right guy" for some small portion of the female population. I'm sure as hell not going to look at myself as the "wrong guy" I feel like the guys who get girls easily have a way with women to make them feel like they are the right guy, when they may or may not be. Touched you sound like a good guy, but during dates do you ever elaborate on your qualities, or do you just typically skim over the big stuff and have small talk? I'm curious to know how a typical date for you is.
Sabali Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I guess if you are looking for someone who will eventually become your wife then it can be tough to find someone. On the other hand, if you are simply looking for companionship and someone to share some great times, vacations, and activities with then it won't take many at all.
Star Gazer Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 What do you mean? I'm a quality guy with some great traits. I'm not expecting every women I like to feel the same way about me but I definitely picture myself as the "right guy" for some small portion of the female population. I'm sure as hell not going to look at myself as the "wrong guy" I feel like the guys who get girls easily have a way with women to make them feel like they are the right guy, when they may or may not be. You're getting confused between being a GOOD guy and being THE RIGHT guy for a woman. Every guy I date is a good guy (for the most part). Doesn't mean they're the RIGHT guy for ME.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Touched you sound like a good guy, but during dates do you ever elaborate on your qualities, or do you just typically skim over the big stuff and have small talk? I'm curious to know how a typical date for you is. Thanks, I am a good person. I'm not really sure about what qualities I elaborate on. I guess on first dates its more about how long have I been living here, where I went to school, what type of work I do, fun stuff I fill my time doing. Interesting things I like about my life. Just whatever comes to mind. I am somewhat socially inept, but in 1 on 1 dates it's not that bad. I guess if you are looking for someone who will eventually become your wife then it can be tough to find someone. On the other hand, if you are simply looking for companionship and someone to share some great times, vacations, and activities with then it won't take many at all. Yeah, I am looking for longterm material, not necessarily marriage, a good gf. Many women just want someone to have fun with. Sadly, I don't find this type of relationship satisfying. You're getting confused between being a GOOD guy and being THE RIGHT guy for a woman. Every guy I date is a good guy (for the most part). Doesn't mean they're the RIGHT guy for ME. Well ok, compatibility of the guy and girl is important. I feel very few woman find me attractive boyfriend material... leaves me feeling less than happy. Also, sometimes the right guy can come at the wrong time. I think my timing and luck is just terrible.
lso802 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Don't let it get you down. Seriously, it's just a numbers game. I agree with stargazer. It's about finding the right person, and it doesn't mean that the people who aren't right for us are inferior. We just have our different preferences. Throughout HS, there must have been ~800 other kids, and I was only ever attracted to 3 girls probably. 3 out of ~800 in 4 years. I can't even say I would have even dated those 3. Just that I was attracted to them.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 So... I was hoping to get more responses on my thread. Especially with all these other threads about dating numbers. I would also like to see the guy vs girl perspective. From what I have been reading on LS seems like many women go on 10+ dates without finding a guy they are interested enough to go on date #2 with. This was a BIG shocker to me... Why are so many first dates failures for women? For me, half the girls I have had a first date with I would liked to have had #2 date. As long as a girl is pleasant, reasonable looking, no major baggage, and not a b1tch I will want to have a date #2. Not to say we will have amazing chemistry, and have love at first sight, but damn it was just 1 date. I've even had girls so go cold after date 3+ when all indications were they were having a blast on earlier dates. It has been frustrating for me.
LittleTiger Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Ok, I'll bite. I'm female. I was online a few weeks and chatted to a few good guys and a few weirdo's in that time. Almost met two but they both cancelled because they'd met someone else - apparently . So my first 'date' was with the man I'm going to marry next year. I was his first and only date too. Instant online chemistry, instant in real life too.
Sarah1977 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 So I'm curious, how many different people do you date before finding someone for an exclusive relationship...? As many as it takes for me to find someone I'm truly compatible with.
valpre Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Dating can be frustrating for both men and woman, especially if you're looking for something long-term. I've been on +16 dates (I've actually lost count now), and it's usually a mix of: - guys just looking for sex - guys who were really nice and sweet, but just no spark or personality or intelligence or physical attraction Out of all these guys and dates, I ended up seeing two for awhile. The one was really nice, but I just couldn't maintain an attraction to him once I got to know him a bit better, and the other, I ended up being totally infatuated with, but he doesn't seem to be looking for anything long term with me. Little Tiger - I'm so jealous! Guess some girls have all the luck
Confusedalways Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Some of my first dates have been "nice" I'm not looking for nice. I'm looking for a certain something and I knew I would know it when I found it. I'll go super girly and say it's an intuition thing (spark/chemistry/whatever). After 8 or 9 first dates, some of which sucked and some of which were just ok, my friends were getting mad that I was being too picky and not giving the "nice" dates a 2nd chance. Some were from online, some were from "real life." Finally guy #9, I knew he was different. We've been on 3 dates and hopefully many, many more . I'm glad I held out and didn't settle on the "nice" ones. Perhaps it's worth noting all the guys I met from online were just... really devoid of even a friendship level type of chemistry, if that makes sense. It's so hard to judge over the internet.
Star Gazer Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 So... I was hoping to get more responses on my thread. Especially with all these other threads about dating numbers. I would also like to see the guy vs girl perspective. From what I have been reading on LS seems like many women go on 10+ dates without finding a guy they are interested enough to go on date #2 with. This was a BIG shocker to me... Why are so many first dates failures for women? For me, half the girls I have had a first date with I would liked to have had #2 date. As long as a girl is pleasant, reasonable looking, no major baggage, and not a b1tch I will want to have a date #2. Not to say we will have amazing chemistry, and have love at first sight, but damn it was just 1 date. I've even had girls so go cold after date 3+ when all indications were they were having a blast on earlier dates. It has been frustrating for me. Why are you blaming women? And who said that all us women haven't found someone we want to go on a second date with? We're just like you, you're just as "guilty." Some guys we actually do want a second date with, and yet it doesn't go any further. Why? Because the guy isn't interested in a second date in return!! Ever thought that those 50% of the women you don't want to go on a second date with are the very women who DO want a second date with you? It takes TWO people who both want the same things and with the same person to find a compatible match.
D-Jam Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Recently I have been dating quite a bit but to no avail. I find it incredibly difficult to find single women who are quality material and when I do it has yet to work out. The girls either stop dating me to date another man, go back to an ex, or drop off the face of the planet. It doesn't matter if we are physical or not it's all the same. So I'm curious, how many different people do you date before finding someone for an exclusive relationship...? Could take one women or 1000 women. Sometimes you could date a million women and still not find the ideal match. Such is life. My suggestion is just enjoy things, and don't overly concern yourself with reaching some "goal". Why are so many first dates failures for women? Like others have said, you can't lump all women into one group. Some of these women simply go on the date, not feel any chemistry, and thus decide not to go further. Some aren't ready to date. They're holding a torch for someone else, or was hurt by someone else. Many times it's also the guy who messes it up. Granted we've seen and heard about overly-picky women, but I've also heard enough stories of guys who just royally screw up. "Facepalm" moments. And yes, there are the shallow spoiled women out there who simply date serially, and expect the world to hand them an above average male. Maybe they're banging a FB on the side and simply want a guy who will make them forget their FB for. Let's face it...most women are facing the same problems you are. Plus it doesn't make it any easier that we have loads of jerks/douchebags/playas amongst our gender. I know in my past dating experiences I'd see the after-effects of liars and playas as well as how defensive and guarded women are. They're all afraid of being hurt...and I can't blame them. Just be patient...keep dating, and eventually the right one will find you. Be happy you're getting dates. Looking at some of these forums, you're ahead of many men.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I dated 20 women in 2009 between steady girlfriends. This year I think I'm at double figures already (have been dating since April/May), but I've lost count. I try not to count anyway, I just keep hoping the next one will be someone that I really click with.
Author TouchedByViolet Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Ok, I'll bite. I'm female. I was online a few weeks and chatted to a few good guys and a few weirdo's in that time. Almost met two but they both cancelled because they'd met someone else - apparently . So my first 'date' was with the man I'm going to marry next year. I was his first and only date too. Instant online chemistry, instant in real life too. WOW. Lucky, congrats! As many as it takes for me to find someone I'm truly compatible with. Thats a loaded answer!, but honest. Dating can be frustrating for both men and woman, especially if you're looking for something long-term. I've been on +16 dates (I've actually lost count now), and it's usually a mix of: - guys just looking for sex - guys who were really nice and sweet, but just no spark or personality or intelligence or physical attraction Out of all these guys and dates, I ended up seeing two for awhile. The one was really nice, but I just couldn't maintain an attraction to him once I got to know him a bit better, and the other, I ended up being totally infatuated with, but he doesn't seem to be looking for anything long term with me. Little Tiger - I'm so jealous! Guess some girls have all the luck I'll agree that finding a LTR is difficult for both men and females.. Sorry to hear about it not working out for you either. Some of us just have terrible timing and luck in matters of the heart. Some of my first dates have been "nice" I'm not looking for nice. I'm looking for a certain something and I knew I would know it when I found it. I'll go super girly and say it's an intuition thing (spark/chemistry/whatever). After 8 or 9 first dates, some of which sucked and some of which were just ok, my friends were getting mad that I was being too picky and not giving the "nice" dates a 2nd chance. Some were from online, some were from "real life." Finally guy #9, I knew he was different. We've been on 3 dates and hopefully many, many more . I'm glad I held out and didn't settle on the "nice" ones. Perhaps it's worth noting all the guys I met from online were just... really devoid of even a friendship level type of chemistry, if that makes sense. It's so hard to judge over the internet. Well good luck with #9! Why are you blaming women? And who said that all us women haven't found someone we want to go on a second date with? We're just like you, you're just as "guilty." Some guys we actually do want a second date with, and yet it doesn't go any further. Why? Because the guy isn't interested in a second date in return!! Ever thought that those 50% of the women you don't want to go on a second date with are the very women who DO want a second date with you? It takes TWO people who both want the same things and with the same person to find a compatible match. I am not blaming women, I am making an observation based on my experiences as a 23 year old male, with my own perspective on the world, based on my life and times. I can empathize that women also face similar challenges to myself but I feel like they are often harder to satisfy with the spark factor compared to men. I am not blaming women for this just making an observation on my reality. Could take one women or 1000 women. Sometimes you could date a million women and still not find the ideal match. Such is life. My suggestion is just enjoy things, and don't overly concern yourself with reaching some "goal". Like others have said, you can't lump all women into one group. Some of these women simply go on the date, not feel any chemistry, and thus decide not to go further. Some aren't ready to date. They're holding a torch for someone else, or was hurt by someone else. Many times it's also the guy who messes it up. Granted we've seen and heard about overly-picky women, but I've also heard enough stories of guys who just royally screw up. "Facepalm" moments. And yes, there are the shallow spoiled women out there who simply date serially, and expect the world to hand them an above average male. Maybe they're banging a FB on the side and simply want a guy who will make them forget their FB for. Let's face it...most women are facing the same problems you are. Plus it doesn't make it any easier that we have loads of jerks/douchebags/playas amongst our gender. I know in my past dating experiences I'd see the after-effects of liars and playas as well as how defensive and guarded women are. They're all afraid of being hurt...and I can't blame them. Just be patient...keep dating, and eventually the right one will find you. Be happy you're getting dates. Looking at some of these forums, you're ahead of many men. Well I do look at it as a goal, because it is important to me and something I want to achieve. I am happy that I am getting dates, but it took a lot of WORK, learning, rejections, and sad times to get better at getting dates. Women for the most part don't have to suffer these tribulations. I have had some really difficult and lonely days. I liked your examples for women not wanting to continue dating a guy. They make sense and I'm sure there could be 1000 more reasons. I dated 20 women in 2009 between steady girlfriends. This year I think I'm at double figures already (have been dating since April/May), but I've lost count. I try not to count anyway, I just keep hoping the next one will be someone that I really click with. Good luck Tim! Enchant some ladies.
Star Gazer Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Good luck Tim! Enchant some ladies. HYSTERICAL!! What a double standard! A woman dates 8-9 guys without getting in to a relationship, and you deem her spark factor to be too high. But a guy dates twice as many and you congratulate him!! It's no wonder you're confused. You apply different standards based on gender.
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