CanadianBornCutie Posted March 4, 2004 Posted March 4, 2004 Okay, well my story's kinda confusing....my guy adn i were dating seriously (you may have read my old posts) then we broke up but we've been getting back together.......and everytime we seem to almost be a couple again he gets scared, he says he loves me, he's attracted to me, and he loves spending time with me but he just doesn't think he's ready for a relationship any kind of relationship, he's scared.......i dunno just what do i do? Cause we keep on diong really good then he just wants to be friends but we can't ever stay that way cause we always get back together.....what is he scared of?
morrigan Posted March 4, 2004 Posted March 4, 2004 He's scared of committment. It could be for several reasons--fear of intimacy, rejection, feelings of distrust--but the end result is going to be the same. He's not ready for a serious relationship. If you want to keep dating him on and off, you're going to have to accept that he probably won't ever commit to you--no full relationship, no marriage, and that he could go off at any time and date someone else. If that idea doesn't appeal to you, then you should break up with altogether.
Author CanadianBornCutie Posted March 4, 2004 Author Posted March 4, 2004 its been a long road i know he's scared he's told me. He has a really bad guilt problem and when i do something nice he feels extremely guilty and he doesn't knwo how to handle it. with work and everything he always pushes problems away.......he told me he doesn't even know why he's running from things. we did rush way too fast into things at the beginning he says he needs to be happy with himself and in life. I guess it's just hard to watch him destruct cause only a few days ago he was telling me how happy he was with things and we were planning to do stuff in the future....now he says he feels guilty for whatever reason. i just i dunno need to find out what happened. we both want to have what we had...i think we both want it to work....but he is just afraid of the future...but no one knows what's going to happen.. I also should say he's been hurt badly in the past with relationships. i also find him contradicting himself he'll say one thing then he won't mean it then he'll say another and then he won't mean it. He got realyl upset and dind't want me to leave when i said maybe i should be out of his life. I know he wasn't ready and we were tkaing it slow and everything was fine..apparently not
dlb311 Posted March 12, 2004 Posted March 12, 2004 I think you need to look inside yourself and ask you are worth this. Should you wait for a man.. NO! he is commitement phonic obviously... I agree that he will not change his mind. He is feeling guilty because its not what he wants forever and he knows it hurts you. How old is this guy? I think you should just lay low for awhile let him come to you.. if he wants this to work he will come to you stop treating him like a baby he isn't being cool. I understand he is scared fine my boyfriend went through that too. But I said fine we are together but marriage and moving wont be talked about till we are really ready then.. things have been great... But I had to let him see that I could go on with out him..that him scaring himself was going to make him lose the best thing he has. We all need to work on ourselves and our relationships with people... but don't let him hurt you.. Tell him how you feel... and let him decide because he keeps going in and out... you don't want to deal with that
PFPunks Posted March 15, 2004 Posted March 15, 2004 I would have to disagree with all involved. Its a possibility that he really doesnt want this forever but if your both willing to work at it you might get through. I've had the same problem with my girlfriend and she has helped me through all of it, and now were as happy as could possibly be. What does he feel guilty about, that I dont understand, has he wronged you in the past? or present? It seems like his feelings would be more associated with fear. So I guess all im saying is that if your willing to work with him you can get through these issues especially if you've never givin him a reason to distrust you. I'd have to disagree with dlb, sometimes scaring the guy into losing you will just make him give up. If you really want something to work you can do it together, but this whole demanding and pushing thing is only a temporary solution. Peace, Love, and Surf Naked AJ
Author CanadianBornCutie Posted March 16, 2004 Author Posted March 16, 2004 he's scared about the future.....through his life he's had everything fall apart on him.....so he is scared of everything falling apart again......he's done nothing to harm me or anything in the past or present. The guilt issue is everything in his life....
dlb311 Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 I can relate my boyfriend and I got back together after a 4 month break and this time around he said I don't want to plan the future I just want it to happen... I was like okay so When I feel the urge to say one day our children or one day if we get married because I know that just scares him. I stay away from the subject totally I know he is the one... I just think he is going through I am young need to hang with boys stage... I will let him have his time because I wouldn't want him to be anything but happy. But future talk scares alot of guys when they are first in love they can talk freely but once reality sets in and its like you are actually taking thoughs steps it freaks them out.... just don't think because he doesn't want to talk about it doesn't include you because it probably does... he just needs some time to see you are understanding and you two can get through anything that comes your way that is whats its all about anyway...
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