SunsetRed Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I've posted one thread about online dating already. I'll admit, maybe I shouldn't be putting myself out there when I'm not over my ex and not ready to be with anyone..BUT..at the same time, I think some people take online dating way too seriously. I'm meeting a guy for lunch today. My profile states that I don't know what I want and that I want to make friends not be in a relationship. I even told him that over the phone, as he was making comments about looking for a romantic partner. Still, when he called me a few minutes ago, he greeted me with "Hey Honey Babe" and proceeded to make plans for us for next weekend. WTF. I'm a stranger to him. Shouldn't he be as skeptical of me as I am of him? How can you call a total stranger Honey Babe? I thought when you met someone online, you would just meet for coffee and see where it goes and 90% of the time it would go no where, so why get all geared up for more plans? I'm on Plenty of Fish and they have forums for people to post on and people post about getting offended that their emails aren't answered or that someone they met on the internet has a life and is too busy to get together every time they ask. It's the internet, how can anyone take an internet dating site seriously? Well, since this is how I feel, I am taking my profile down as I don't want to hurt someone who really believes their soul mate is out there in cyberspace. So, back to my question..how seriously do any of you take online dating?
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 (edited) What a bizarre question. Of course I take it seriously, as do many people. What you seem to be get confused over is that you are not taking it seriously. I should add: this is why paid sites like Match are better than free sites like POF - they tend to attract people who are serious about OLD. No offense intended to you, OP, but POF is full of timewasters (and weirdos who call you 'honey babe' without ever having met you). Edited October 30, 2010 by Tim The Enchanter
Author SunsetRed Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Had the date. He was nice to talk to but at the end of the date when he walked me to my car he insisted on kissing me. I said No and he respected that, but got a little whiney and said that he really wanted to. Now, if I'd met a guy in real life and was happily anticipating our first date, I probably would have kissed him, but since this was someone who was still a stranger, I said no. From my experience and from my friend's experiences, the people that they've met on dating sites wanted to move way too fast, either emotionally or physically. I think that people shouldn't expect more than a coffee date from a dating site and if it turns into something more, then great but one shouldn't be getting all needy and emotional over someone they meet on the net.
Author SunsetRed Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Also he's texting me and and saying that he'll do nothing but think of me until we see each other again. BARF!!! Whoever warned me that internet dating would make me miss my ex more, is right.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 You may not take internet dating seriously, because you clearly are not over your ex and have some kind of hang up about meeting people online. Just stop using it and respect those people who do take it seriously. It's almost as if you are unable to empathise and put yourself in the position of other people. Yes the guy in question was too clingy and you probably should never have met up with him, but people who use OLD are still ordinary, human beings. I think you should have a bit more respect.
bac Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I've posted one thread about online dating already. I'll admit, maybe I shouldn't be putting myself out there when I'm not over my ex and not ready to be with anyone..BUT..at the same time, I think some people take online dating way too seriously. I'm meeting a guy for lunch today. My profile states that I don't know what I want and that I want to make friends not be in a relationship. I even told him that over the phone, as he was making comments about looking for a romantic partner. back to my question..how seriously do any of you take online dating? Sorry to tell you, but most people do not take online dating seriously. They might took it seriously at first, but, in several months of dating online, most people do not take it seriosly. IMO most men are looking for easy women for casual sex. They are doing multiple dating as well. I do not know about dating online for people in 20s, but for other people, if you do not kiss on date 1-3 and do not have sex on date 1-5, you are rejected by a man. Of course, it is not going to work out well anyway even you had sex with him, because there are hundreds of other women who he wants to have sex as well.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 This guy is a nutcase, already... His references to you are waaaaaaaay over the top way too soon!
D-Lish Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I see online dating as just another avenue to meet someone. Having said that I have only answered 3 messages in the past year.
Author SunsetRed Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Maybe men (and women too) think you are desperate and easy if you're willing to put yourself out there. All my female friends who've met men on the net, said the guys pretty much wanted sex on the 1st or 2nd date. That happens in real life too, but at least in real life, you've met each other before the date. To me, it makes sense to hold back a little when you're meeting a stranger that you've encountered on the internet.
OceanGirl Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I am on there to find a long term relationship, so yeah I take it very seriously. It is completely untrue that online men are desperate weirdos who only want sex. I have met some great guys who didn't turn out to be compatible with me but they were neither desperate nor weird.
Stung Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 t someone who really believes their soul mate is out there in cyberspace. So, back to my question..how seriously do any of you take online dating? Well--I agree that it's not a good idea to get butt-hurt about everyone who doesn't like your profile or answer your email on a dating site. And if anyone started calling me 'Honey Babe' and making weekend plans right from the beginning he would have been Nexted quickly for being cuckoo-pants. But I guess I did take it pretty seriously, since I met my husband on OkCupid 5 years ago.
LittleTiger Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Well, since this is how I feel, I am taking my profile down as I don't want to hurt someone who really believes their soul mate is out there in cyberspace. So, back to my question..how seriously do any of you take online dating? I think you need to be more careful about who you choose to meet for real. If somebody called me honey babe and started making weekend plans before I'd even met them I'd run a mile. That doesn't mean iternet dating shouldn't be taken seriously. I was a bit like you when I posted a profile online (paid site) - marriage not long over and just looking for friends. I had a bit of fun chatting online with a few guys all over the place and never met anyone I wanted to meet in person - I was pretty relaxed about the whole thing. Then I decided to 'up the ante' and I rewrote my bio with some serious depth to it. The next day I was contacted by a man in New Zealand (I'm in the UK). Two months later we met in person and that was it. He turned out to be my 'soul mate' (if such a thing exists). Fourteen months later we're still together and we're planning to get married next year.
sanskrit Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 People take dating generally way too seriously. It could be fun and casual if people weren't instantly working their agendas or creating a future out of thin air like your guy did. I've never understood women who make such a big deal of early dates, it's just a simple date, two people going out and having fun with no expectations of something more, not an invitation to an instant relationship, sex or marriage, but your story shows the issue from the other side.
D-Jam Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 My profile states that I don't know what I want and that I want to make friends not be in a relationship. I'd tell you then to stay off dating sites. If you ask me, I'd love to eliminate all the "looking for friends" or "friendship only" things from dating sites. My rationale is simply that men join dating sites looking for a date, girlfriend, future wife, and/or sexual fling. They don't join dating sites seeking female friends they can pal around with. Does this mean men and women can't be friends? NO...but on a dating site you won't meet too many guys who want a platonic relationship with women. They're on there to find more. Join meetup or some other non-dating thing if you want to make friends. I'm on Plenty of Fish and they have forums for people to post on and people post about getting offended that their emails aren't answered or that someone they met on the internet has a life and is too busy to get together every time they ask. It's the internet, how can anyone take an internet dating site seriously? I still chat on the POF forum, and I understand what you're saying. The problem is too many people live their lives on these sites. So they won't do much else in their free time but jump on dating site after dating site and email loads of women or men in the hopes of a bite. Then they bitch and complain about why they're not getting results. No one really wants someone who does nothing in their life but focuses on finding a SO. You on the other hand, like many, see it as casual, and I'm sure the guys would say "Well, you're a woman...you can go out to the bars in a nice outfit and have loads of options. We men don't have it that easy." This is again though from the perspectives of what I believe are those who spend too much time on dating sites. I also tell women they need to grow a thicker skin on dating sites. They are loaded with strange men and women who won't date one another, but will make drama like crazy out of some sense of entitlement, like they are entitled to a date. Well, since this is how I feel, I am taking my profile down as I don't want to hurt someone who really believes their soul mate is out there in cyberspace. Good call. As I said, if you're not serious about dating, then stay off dating sites. The "Looking for Friends" portions they have are total BS. Women might join to find friends, but most men don't. So, back to my question..how seriously do any of you take online dating? When I tried online dating two times, I tried to use it as it was advised...as an assist. An addition. I'd make time to look at profiles and email women, but I didn't spend every evening doing it. I'd check things here and there, like email. I've had some tell me my profile wasn't this or that, but I treated it like marketing and said what I felt needed to be said to get results...pointing out my "pluses" and what I was looking for. From there I figured I'd treat things as a "get to know me and then decide" logic. Unfortunately, too many women and men want to know it all from a profile. You say you're trying it out and want to meet people (keeping it lighthearted) then they think you're afraid of commitment or you're just looking for sex. You don't state what you're looking for in a woman n grave detail and suddenly they think you're holding back or hiding something. Even photos. You show a drink and suddenly you're deemed a drunken party boy. Or 1000 other things people pass judgment on. I think if I ended up single again, I wouldn't go back to online dating. It's not realistic, and I see these sites as a scam now.
9Lives Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Yes I taake online dating serious but I'm realistic that some guys are good guys and some are not. Just like if I meet a guy at the grocery store or whatever. He don't know me and I don't know him. I'm getting to see whts up. I don't find it too much different. Plus some people work at and don't have time to get out and have a bigg social life to find a mate. Some people want to sit down and talk to someone they are interested in getting to know on a higher level than just goof around. It all depends but yeah it can be serious and good.
alexlakeman Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Some of us guys take it seriously and not all of us are after sex on the first date.. Online has been good for me over the years. I'd say it's the primary mode of meeting someone lately.. I guess some of these weird guys, and "sex on the first date" (NOT that I am going to turn it down , if the opportunity presents itself!!) guys, make it easier for the rest of us normal "looking for a relationship" guys... I've heard the same comment "all they want is sex"etc.. from two women I've talked to that I met online in the last week. What............ I should add: this is why paid sites like Match are better than free sites like POF - they tend to attract people who are serious about OLD. ou). Exactly, you get what you pay for...
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