sumdude Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Here's a scenario. You've been hanging out with a guy for a while and are attracted. So much that one day you make the move. The two of you date for a few months and for whatever reason at the time you lose it for the guy. You're still friends afterwords spending a lot of time together. Has that attraction ever come back or once it's gone or is that the end of the story?
redmelon Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 for me, it's always meant the end of the story.
LittleTiger Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I think if two people date for a few months and then it doesn't work out and one of them calls it quits, then that's basically the end of it. It isn't about losing the attraction, if that's what you mean by 'it'. It's usually more about relationship dynamics or personalities. If the two people were initially attracted and stay friends after the break up then presumably it's not an 'I don't like you' break up, but more of a 'this isn't really happening for me' break up. I would guess that while there is some kind of chemistry between them it wasn't sufficient or of the right sort to sustain a romantic relationship. So if things don't work out the first time it's not likely to happen again. If 'it' was never really there in the first place then there's not really anything there to come back.
Banker Chick Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I can't think of any time that I lost it for a guy that it ever came back
EricaH329 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 for me, it's always meant the end of the story. I can't think of any time that I lost it for a guy that it ever came back I'm in the same boat. If it's gone, it's gone for good.
LoveLace Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I have been known to go back and forth about my feelings for someone and perhaps be confused about my feelings; but once I know it's gone there is no comin' back...
OceanGirl Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I do feel things intensely and out of all the guys that I have literally been obsessed with for years - once my feelings were gone, they were gone for good. I feel nothing for them and it's to such an extreme that it's almost like they are dead to me. Nothing they do or say can change my feelings.
make me believe Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 It won't come back. If it's gone, it's gone for good!
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 An enlightening thread. I've sort of knew this about women already, but this has confirmed my suspicions. I've had women eulogise and swoon over me like I was mana from heaven, then not so long after that they just go cold.
TouchedByViolet Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 An enlightening thread. I've sort of knew this about women already, but this has confirmed my suspicions. I've had women eulogise and swoon over me like I was mana from heaven, then not so long after that they just go cold. mmmm, I just don't understand WHY they lose interest... It sucks sometimes.
runner Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 i won't argue against the women here because it sounds about right. but what i've noted IME are women who would verbalise to the world how they're over "it" yet actually feel otherwise, triggering the messy cycle of breaking up and getting back together. hence the 'second chances' section on this site.
Sabali Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 (edited) I've had women eulogise and swoon over me like I was mana from heaven, then not so long after that they just go cold. Couldn't have said it better. When I was a bit younger, I used to just had to figure out what could have been all of the possibilities to make that happen. My mind would try to file through all possibilities of why the woman went cold suddenly. Like you said, it was if I was "mana from heaven" then all of a sudden, nothing. The well went absolutely dry. It used to try to retrace my steps on every thing I could have possibly done to have made things go cold. It just happened so abruptly that I couldn't understand it. I recall not too long ago seeing some feelings gradually get all fired up over me for weeks as if the woman would explode then, as if it happened right before my very eyes, those feelings left and never came back. When this happens, I reflect on an unforgettable and very brief conversation I had with my father when I was about 19 years old. My father didn't say much during that conversation but what he didn't say, said more than words could have... I had been dating a woman for a few months. We were both 19 years old. We were very, very sexually attracted to each other. We never argued or had one negative conversation or tone between each other then one day, it just went completely cold. I just couldn't understand it. Here was a lady that when I was dropping her off at her college dorm the previous night, she was practically begging me to literally have sex with her in the bushes outside of her dormitory. When I left her we were both on cloud nine then the following days, she just gradually went more and more cold. Anyway, after unsuccessfully getting her to have any more interest in me, I just gave up. I was really down though because I had really liked her. Around this time, I was driving alone in the car with my dad. My dad was the kind of guy that just put a roof over your head, food in your stomach, worked obscene hours and didn't talk a lot but his brothers and cousins always told me he was quite the ladies man back in the day. So I told him what had happened between me and the woman and right as I was about to go into how I was just stunned trying to figure out why she just went all of a sudden cold my father cut me off and said "don't even waste your time trying to figure it out. Just move on." That's all he said. It was if he was too familiar with the story. I just sat in the car reflecting on those simple words that said a lot. Now, whenever a woman just all of a sudden go cold on me, that is what I do. I just move on. Edited October 30, 2010 by Sabali
FL Lady Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 It won't come back. If it's gone, it's gone for good! +1. I agree
OceanGirl Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 i won't argue against the women here because it sounds about right. but what i've noted IME are women who would verbalise to the world how they're over "it" yet actually feel otherwise, triggering the messy cycle of breaking up and getting back together. hence the 'second chances' section on this site. I know what you mean. I have done that (told everyone that I am over it) when I in fact wasn't. This is mostly in situations where guy treated me like c$%% and I was ashamed that I still had feelings for him. Thus, my feelings weren't really gone, but I wanted them to be gone which is not the same thing. I am talking about when feelings are truly gone, not when I am just saying that they are.
colliejoanie Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Isn't it the same for a guy??? Once its gone its gone, right??
Mr Orange Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Isn't it the same for a guy??? Once its gone its gone, right?? It's not at all the same. Basicaly a guy who is happy - or even content - will NEVER just "lose it". Once the baseline of a happy relaitonship is there, it never goes away barring some severe provocation. Most women, on the other hand, walk in and out of love like it is a public restroom.
TouchedByViolet Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It's not at all the same. Basicaly a guy who is happy - or even content - will NEVER just "lose it". Once the baseline of a happy relaitonship is there, it never goes away barring some severe provocation. Most women, on the other hand, walk in and out of love like it is a public restroom. Hilarious and definitely has some truth to it
ascendotum Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 When I saw the title of this thread, I thought even at odds of 20-1 on, it would be a safe bet to predict the majority of the women would respond with a ‘No’. From what I have seen and personally experienced with girls, second chance resurrections are just so rare. I have been on what I thought was an arm-chair ride to a relationship with a new girl, and then suddenly its gone cold and I’m left dazed wondering what the hell I did wrong. I used to find it strange how some girls could go from sweet, lovable & affectionate to cold & aloof, so quickly. For women their emotions are more tied up in attraction more so than it is for men.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 It's not at all the same. Basicaly a guy who is happy - or even content - will NEVER just "lose it". Once the baseline of a happy relaitonship is there, it never goes away barring some severe provocation. Most women, on the other hand, walk in and out of love like it is a public restroom. I agree. I retain feelings for all my former girlfriends, even though I've come to terms with the fact that those relationships are over. If by some magic one of those old girlfriends was to contact me and ask for a reconciliation, I would definitely give it some thought if I was single. It seems to me that men are much more forgiving.
sagetalk Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I used to find it strange how some girls could go from sweet, lovable & affectionate to cold & aloof, so quickly. For women their emotions are more tied up in attraction more so than it is for men. It still shocks me, but I'm getting used to it. How they go from boiling hot to ice cold takes some getting used to, that or I'm just talking to wrong girls. I agree. I retain feelings for all my former girlfriends, even though I've come to terms with the fact that those relationships are over. If by some magic one of those old girlfriends was to contact me and ask for a reconciliation, I would definitely give it some thought if I was single. I think most guys are like this. Unless the girl breaks up with a guy because he treated her terribly, I think it's over when it's over. Especially if you treated her well and she left, it's almost certainly over for good.
tigressA Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 (edited) I agree. I retain feelings for all my former girlfriends, even though I've come to terms with the fact that those relationships are over. If by some magic one of those old girlfriends was to contact me and ask for a reconciliation, I would definitely give it some thought if I was single. I feel this way. I still have a little something there for most guys I dated. The last guy I dated before my current relationship, we got along like peas in a pod; we were like best friends with so many interests in common, so many silly inside jokes, but the passion was lacking on my side. Still, I have moments where I think of him. Like yesterday, when I went to my local thrift store where we used to go together at least once a week. I found this awesome vintage coat and when I put it in my cart I thought, "This is something he should be here for." It was fleeting, but it was there. And when the holidays come around I get a little pang in my gut thinking of my ex who I dated for nearly 2 years and spent every school break, including holidays, with at his family's house. We would wake up in the same bed, drink tea, watch the snow fall, check out who was playing on Fox Soccer Channel. In fact I had gone back to both of those guys after I had initially broken things off. So to sum up, in my experience, "it" can come back. Edited October 31, 2010 by tigressA
ascendotum Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I agree. I retain feelings for all my former girlfriends, even though I've come to terms with the fact that those relationships are over. If by some magic one of those old girlfriends was to contact me and ask for a reconciliation, I would definitely give it some thought if I was single. It seems to me that men are much more forgiving. I have the same outlook as this. I generally find though with my GFs and with women I know, that it seems like the majority of ex's are classified as *******s. Though I do have mate who still gets together with a ex once a year for sex (even if one or both are in relationships), even though he dumped her. He was her first BF, which have something to do with it, and if she had been the one to dump him, then I am sure this one day a year affair would not be happening.
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