Too Much Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I'm interested in finding out for those who have been t hrough MC or IC, whether or not they found it to be worthwhile or successful? Based on what I've read on this forum, it appears that men seem to be against counseling thinking they are always blamed for the marriage's downfall while women seem to get a lot more out of it. One thought is whether counselors intentionally prolong sessions to make more money. What say those who have actually been through the process? Are most successful in saving marriages or waste of $?
tojaz Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 All depends on the counselor. I found IC very valuable, as time went on though I have begun to think that the sessions seem to drag on and I'm not getting as much out of them so I am looking for a new counselor. Never got to MC but the trend I have noticed is that it is not just the men that seem to avoid MC but usually the one initiating the split that seem to avoid it. All the more reason to try it if you ask me. My ex summed it up pretty well when she backed out in the MC's office. "I'm afraid I'll change my mind" I often say that fighting for your marriage is a lot like fighting for your life, why wouldn't you want every advantage you could get? An unbiased individual, not effected by the emotion of the situation and not blinded by resentment and anger to interpret things for you. Thats all good for you if she is willing, even if it doesn't save your M it will teach you some things and help you move on. TOJAZ
trippi1432 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I'm interested in finding out for those who have been t hrough MC or IC, whether or not they found it to be worthwhile or successful? Based on what I've read on this forum, it appears that men seem to be against counseling thinking they are always blamed for the marriage's downfall while women seem to get a lot more out of it. One thought is whether counselors intentionally prolong sessions to make more money. What say those who have actually been through the process? Are most successful in saving marriages or waste of $? Too Much - there are many mixed reviews on MC and IC..my ex and I tried it once before we got married and again after he left the home years after we got married....he never liked it because he was afraid of facing himself. That is what counseling is about..it's about finding you and how the persona that you portray to others affects them. If you are honest, you will be humbled by what you learn about yourself and you will also find strength you forgot you had. Keep in mind that IC is about you, MC is about the two of you...you will find out more about what she needs from not only you but herself from MC. Keep in mind that finding an MC counselor is not about finding one that agrees with you or just with her..but one that can be unbiased.
HopelessinDTW Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I'm interested in finding out for those who have been t hrough MC or IC, whether or not they found it to be worthwhile or successful? Based on what I've read on this forum, it appears that men seem to be against counseling thinking they are always blamed for the marriage's downfall while women seem to get a lot more out of it. One thought is whether counselors intentionally prolong sessions to make more money. What say those who have actually been through the process? Are most successful in saving marriages or waste of $? Don't know about MC since my stbx didn;t want it, but I definately recommend IC. Most therapist have seen people like you going through the same things. As such, can give you advice on how to deal with whatever you're gpign through. Plus, they will give you an objective view on things, which at times you may not agree with, but in some instances will help you see the 'other side' of the story. I never believe in IC, but after seeing one for a few months, I really appreciated the advice and the perspective he gave me on myself, my life, and how to think about things.
The-Zen-Warrior Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Too Much : Well for me, the whole "marriage counseling" thing didn't work out so much. Upon my recommendation my ex-wife and I tried marriage counseling, within the first several weeks after she had an affair on me. At first I thought this would be the "magic pill", but it wasn't. My ex-wife really didn't give the process "her all"! She was holding back, she was reserved, she was also telling some lies during the sessions, that kind of threw the whole point of getting help off course. So after about 3-4 appointments, I contacted the therapist, in private, and explained that for this to work it takes "two to dance", so I canceled services and let the the pieces of our marriage fall to the floor. So needless to say I don't have much faith in marriage counseling, I wouldn't waste the money, unless I found someone who would be worth fighting and spending money for! Now as far as "individual counseling", that's a whole different ball game! I like what I've been able to accomplish through the steady and guiding hands of my therapist. Funny part about this is, the therapist I'm seeing now, is the same therapist that my ex-wife and I saw many years ago. She remembered me, when I called to investigate personal therapy. We started working together about 2-3 months after the divorce. So to me, marriage counseling is for the birds! Unless I find a worthy bird who is up for the job. But I love individual counseling, I feel like I'm getting my money's worth every month!
tojaz Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Too Much : Well for me, the whole "marriage counseling" thing didn't work out so much. Upon my recommendation my ex-wife and I tried marriage counseling, within the first several weeks after she had an affair on me. At first I thought this would be the "magic pill", but it wasn't. My ex-wife really didn't give the process "her all"! She was holding back, she was reserved, she was also telling some lies during the sessions, that kind of threw the whole point of getting help off course. So after about 3-4 appointments, I contacted the therapist, in private, and explained that for this to work it takes "two to dance", so I canceled services and let the the pieces of our marriage fall to the floor. So needless to say I don't have much faith in marriage counseling, I wouldn't waste the money, unless I found someone who would be worth fighting and spending money for! Now as far as "individual counseling", that's a whole different ball game! I like what I've been able to accomplish through the steady and guiding hands of my therapist. Funny part about this is, the therapist I'm seeing now, is the same therapist that my ex-wife and I saw many years ago. She remembered me, when I called to investigate personal therapy. We started working together about 2-3 months after the divorce. So to me, marriage counseling is for the birds! Unless I find a worthy bird who is up for the job. But I love individual counseling, I feel like I'm getting my money's worth every month! Zen makes a good point. It takes two people who are honestly willing to give it a shot. If one is just going through the motions, then its not going to work. An MC can help save a marriage, but only if both honestly want it to be saved. TOJAZ
KikiW Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 IC has worked very well for me, the one time my ex and I tried MC it didn't really go anywhere. Ex has never been on board with therapists in general. So I think the others are correct in that both people MUST be on board and talk openly, or it will be a waste of time, effort and money.
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