TerryW Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Is there anyone out here that feels like I do? I caught WH cheating a year and a half ago...check my posts if you want the details. I’ve decided to stay. I’ve returned to college to fix my dependency on him problem. I’ve still not regained any weight. We have sex. I’m working on or have fixed any and all things that may have led to my part in making our marriage weak. He had owned up to what made him step out of our marriage. Things look like they are good but I feel numb….My outlook is that I’ll never go through that again. I can only protect my children this far. If there is a next time I won’t deal with a single issue from it, I’ll just leave. I don’t check up on him. God dropped it in my lap before and I pray that he will again if it comes to that. I guess my attitude is wait and see. I’ve done everything possible to make this work. Should I be feeling something? I’m actually grateful that it happened. The blessings to me have been enormous. (Too many to list but I will if you want to know.) Not so much for him. He is really having a tough time dealing with what he did. I can’t help him with that. Is this wait and see normal? I don’t want to believe that everything is better now. I feel that this would be denial and I’m not going back there again. Cautiously optimistic that things will work out but still believe in being prepared should the time come. It’s not quite waiting for the next shoe to fall but something akin to that feeling. Have you been here? [/FONT][/sIZE]
WonderingWhatIf Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 First, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. My H's ex cheated on him, and he tried to make things work for a while. But, he said that he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. He didn't feel like he could ever really trust again. There were other issues too, but this was the one that he just couldn't overcome.
Spark1111 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Hi terry! Good you have done things to promote your own well being and personal growth. And I think it is good that he feels remorse for his actions. Staying for your child, while noble, is not a relationship that will make you happy in the long term. Do you love him? Can you forgive him? Do you think you will one day be able to respect him again? Do you discuss with him how you are often waiting for the other shoe to drop? It's okay to feel that way. Trust is very hard to rebuild once betrayed. Overcoming infidelity, when done properly, can take 2 to 5 years; for every two steps forward, there may be three steps back. Have you been to counseling? For me, 2.5 years was a huge turning point. Not sure why that was, but it was. I hope this helps.
Author TerryW Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 We haven't been to MC in almost a year. He suggested that we go back but wants to see someone else. I really don't want to have to re-tell everything. Plus I'm a very different person now. I'll talk to him about it again. I don't know if I love him. I love my family and know that I wouldn't ever do to them what he has done to me. If he loved me he wouldn't have done that. Maybe it's fear that I'll get hurt again that keeps me from going there. I feel like I have forgiven him because I can see how and where it came about. He doesn't think I've really forgiven him. I don't know if I can trust him again. Because I was so blindsided, I have issues with even thinking he's better. I missed it then maybe I'll miss it the next time. I know staying for the children isn't the best thing but at this point it's the only reason I can give myself to stay. I can't admit that I love him and I can't admit to myself that I'm afraid to leave. I'm sick and heartbroken over this. Yes, he's better, but I can't trust the change. My sister says that he couldn't pull off an act for a year and a half but I don't know. Everything is I don't know.
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