I just don't care

[Gt.ooh]

Well I'm at a point where I don't care, but I want to know the truth because we all deserve the truth. I'm being told there's someone else, all the signs are pointing towards it. And I have lots of pieces to tell me it's the ex before me.. I have her new number I just want to ask straight up, but worried I might be wrong and look like an idiot.

 

Tell me do it or not, at this point I really don't have anything to lose because I've lost everything, but at least gain my piece of mind. If she doesn't respond thats a give away too.. someone tell me not to and why because in order to move on I need to know.

[Leandro]

Well I'm at a point where I don't care, but I want to know the truth because we all deserve the truth. I'm being told there's someone else, all the signs are pointing towards it. And I have lots of pieces to tell me it's the ex before me.. I have her new number I just want to ask straight up, but worried I might be wrong and look like an idiot.

 

Tell me do it or not, at this point I really don't have anything to lose because I've lost everything, but at least gain my piece of mind. If she doesn't respond thats a give away too.. someone tell me not to and why because in order to move on I need to know.

If you have a feeling it is someone else it's probably true. Don't ask her, just stick with NC and move on. I had a feeling there was someone else with my ex and I was right, but I never confronted her about it.

[aeren944]

Well, in my opinion, you've already answered the question. You obviously don't need to, because you're being told she's with someone else, all the signs are pointing to it, and have lots of pieces to tell you it's the ex before you...

 

There's your answer. Honestly, what's the point in putting yourself in more pain, because that's EXACTLY what's going to happen if you call her. You do have something to lose... your progress. I know you feel like you've lost everything, but believe me, you're just starting to gain everything. I know that sounds cheesy, and I didn't believe it either at first... but it's the truth.

 

If you call her and confront her, it's just like pulling a gun, pointing it at your foot, and pulling the trigger. Obviously, you know the answer... confronting her will accomplish nothing for YOU. Right now, it's all about you, no longer her. Be "selfish" and keep yourself intact.

[Gt.ooh]

Well, in my opinion, you've already answered the question. You obviously don't need to, because you're being told she's with someone else, all the signs are pointing to it, and have lots of pieces to tell you it's the ex before you...

 

There's your answer. Honestly, what's the point in putting yourself in more pain, because that's EXACTLY what's going to happen if you call her. You do have something to lose... your progress. I know you feel like you've lost everything, but believe me, you're just starting to gain everything. I know that sounds cheesy, and I didn't believe it either at first... but it's the truth.

 

If you call her and confront her, it's just like pulling a gun, pointing it at your foot, and pulling the trigger. Obviously, you know the answer... confronting her will accomplish nothing for YOU. Right now, it's all about you, no longer her. Be "selfish" and keep yourself intact.

 

Well I've been told by members on here that it's highly likely, I wouldn't lose any progress in my mind I'd gain. Then I could put this whole thing to rest..I wouldn't call her, I'd just txt saying I'm trying to move on, just need to know this.. Not knowing is what is keeping me from further progress. If I get it confirmed I'd see her true colors and that would be that SEE YA.

 

Caught between a rock and a hard place here, she comes out in 3 wks to visit her family..she's been very closed up towards her family. Maybe she'll open up a it as it will be 2 months since the break-up..she won't open up to me, but maybe to her family as her family loves me. If nothing came of it when she visits, then I say find out for myself. Right now my head is overthinking, and judging by other ppls experiences some good time has to pass...so maybe basically another month with me not contacting will open her up.

 

Because not knowing is the silent killer, I've already prepared myself for this as I have been putting pieces together on my own, because then I will know it was not me that caused the break-up, right now I'm still blaming myself..

Edited October 29, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[thatsonlyme]

I know how you feel man, I felt the same way but most of the time they just don't wanna talk about it. I knew my ex had somebody else but I still had lots of questions and needed answers.

Last night I got what I wished for and to tell you the truth I'm not sure if it's helping or not. We opened up to each other like never before and it just made me respect her and love her more as a person!

I feel like I'm back to square one today and I was making progress before.

Do what you feel is right but be careful what you wish for.

 

Good luck.

[TLCbear]

Well I'm at a point where I don't care, but I want to know the truth because we all deserve the truth. I'm being told there's someone else, all the signs are pointing towards it. And I have lots of pieces to tell me it's the ex before me.. I have her new number I just want to ask straight up, but worried I might be wrong and look like an idiot.

 

Tell me do it or not, at this point I really don't have anything to lose because I've lost everything, but at least gain my piece of mind. If she doesn't respond thats a give away too.. someone tell me not to and why because in order to move on I need to know.

 

Do what you feel is best, if it sits big on your shoulder, then I say contact her and get it over with, but just be prepare for the outcome. I agree with thatsonlyme, usually they do not want to talk about it...so it usually rings a bell that whatever you're wondering about is true.

[Gt.ooh]

Thanks guys. Do u think it would be best to wait till she's visited her family as I may just be making myself to believe it right now..the last thing I want is to look like a fool. She doesn't know I have the new number, so if I contacted her shell wonder how I got it, but wouldn't matter if I confirmed my suspisions... On the other hand if I'm wrong and she's just being cold to be cold... Then I look like a tool.. It's probably best to wait. I've waited for 1.5 months now so another 3 wks wouldn't kill me.. Then I can lay it all

out..

[Leandro]

Thanks guys. Do u think it would be best to wait till she's visited her family as I may just be making myself to believe it right now..the last thing I want is to look like a fool. She doesn't know I have the new number, so if I contacted her shell wonder how I got it, but wouldn't matter if I confirmed my suspisions... On the other hand if I'm wrong and she's just being cold to be cold... Then I look like a tool.. It's probably best to wait. I've waited for 1.5 months now so another 3 wks wouldn't kill me.. Then I can lay it all

out..

Just wait those 3 weeks, but continue to move on and work on yourself. In 3 weeks, if you feel like contacting her, contact her.

[bl22]

The thread title states you dont care...but by wanting to know so badly kinda prooves you do care.

 

She's either not going to tell you, or its bad news...either way, its going to hurt, as much as you state you dont care when you clearly do.

 

Going through the same thing yet I do know theres someone else, knowing it doesnt make you feel any better. In fact it will make you feel so much ****in worse.

[WTRanger]

Actually, you do have a lot to lose. You can lose your self respect.

 

If it was her old number, I'd say use your best judgment. But since it's her new number, and one she doesn't know you have, if you call that's immediately going to put her on the defense. I'd say you are better off being blissfully ignorant.

 

Seriously, why do you really need to know? What's that going to change? What's it going to prove?

[Gt.ooh]

Well for one it will confirm she's a cold hearted u know.. 2 it will motivate me even more to go out and about..3 the condo I just moves us into with all my furniture in it I would tell her I'm coming to get it cause she doesn't deserve to have it... If she's just needing a break whether we get back together or not I'd just leave it.. Sure shed meet someone else eventually but that's fine..

 

If she broke up with me to be with her ex who she had a restraining order on then that's not acceptable to ditch me for that. I can't stop her from

meeting someone new if she has no intensions of gettin back together, but it's the low of the lows if she got rid of

me for an ex whom she disliked a lot.. To me that's a lot different.

[skydiveaddict]

Tell me do it or not, at this point I really don't have anything to lose because I've lost everything, but at least gain my piece of mind. If she doesn't respond thats a give away too.. someone tell me not to and why because in order to move on I need to know.

 

 

Don't do it. If she really cared, she would contact you. Trust no one my friend. You'll just get used all over again. You don't need to know anything from her. Your peace of mind has nothing to do with her

[WTRanger]

Well for one it will confirm she's a cold hearted u know.. 2 it will motivate me even more to go out and about..3 the condo I just moves us into with all my furniture in it I would tell her I'm coming to get it cause she doesn't deserve to have it... If she's just needing a break whether we get back together or not I'd just leave it.. Sure shed meet someone else eventually but that's fine..

 

If she broke up with me to be with her ex who she had a restraining order on then that's not acceptable to ditch me for that. I can't stop her from

meeting someone new if she has no intensions of gettin back together, but it's the low of the lows if she got rid of

me for an ex whom she disliked a lot.. To me that's a lot different.

 

I think you can confirm that she's gone cold without calling her.

 

You should already be motivated to meet new people, so calling her won't help.

 

Your condo dealings are another story, but can be dealt with without asking her about what she's up to.

 

Who cares what's low? It's a breakup, generally they aren't pretty. Who cares who she left you for? So you find out she's with the ex, then what? You'll still be in the same spot, or probably worse, than you are now. You might as well drink a glass of Draino, because calling her or the Draino option with both end up with you feeling hallow inside.

[strength-abounds]

GT

 

Dude, it's over. Plain and simple. Why do you really need closure over this relationship? She got her closure when she slept NAKED with someone that's not YOU!

 

I'm not intending to sound hateful or mean. I just want to save you from more heartache. Move on dude. We all have been there and know how this is going to turn out. Please listen to everyone on LS.

 

Good Luck brother.

[Gt.ooh]

Thanks guys, it's good to hear the ups and downs.. it's just a load of crock. I like all the support. Howz about I'll post on here day by day keeping me from txting her...I'll wait out the 3 weeks, she'll come back here visit her family. I'll either know nothing more, or maybe I'll know something without contacting her. Until then I'll try and calm my mind down, 3 wks is a lil while so maybe I'll be smartened up by then, or if I'm still doing head spins after she visits then I say F*** it and lay it all out and txt her. I will not call. She'll definitely write back as her new number is for clients at her school.

 

Couple guys said they hear me out and if I need to know then I shall seek what I'm looking for. I'm still going off of speculations about the ex, and therefore I'd just like to know. I know it's over, but for me I'd like to KNOW it's over and the real reason behind this shinanigans...

 

I'm trying my best to move on, and people have been telling me that I deserve to know...I hit the gym, trying to go out, meeting a girl nxt week..I'm really trying guys, but this "thing" is eating away at my mentality.

[GrayClouds]

Here is a post from a very good thread read this post but I suggest you go back a read the whole thread.

9) REBUILD YOUR EGO

 

Right now your insecure, deflated, down in the dumps, depressed, anxious, confused and probably feel constantly tired yet can't sleep.

 

If your past those stages then your in Zombie land, going through the motions, living in the past and hoping she comes back.

 

after zombie you may move past the haze however you still haven't been back to your former self in months, probably since before the breakup.

 

Ego is often debated, and in the Buddhist philosophy and most religions for that matter, the goal is to disperse the ego (am i correct in that TM?)

 

Anyway use whatever word you want, you need to build your confidence back, you need to get those happy feelings again, have your serotonin receptors start pumping out the good stuff again.

 

So how is this achieved?

 

Well, that is not easy. I will suggest the book Psycho-Cybernetics to get you started.

 

But you'll need to know what brings you joy (again NOT women) and move towards those things.

 

For awhile I didn't understand what "treat yourself well" meant, when people would suggest that after the breakup.

 

What it means is spoil yourself, become super selfish and learn to love yourself again. YOU WANT TO BECOME A PERSON THAT LOVES THEMSELVES. AGAIN.

 

for awhile you probably though you were cool b/c you had a smoking gf and that gave you confidence. and she is gone so now you have nothing to give you that boost. but it was all in your head. SERIOUSLY SHE DIDN'T GIVE YOU THE CONFIDENCE YOU HAD IT ALL ALONG.

 

You should start to find joy in the little things.

 

Your baby cousins smile, the birds in the parking lot, a sunny day, an old movie. Bit by bit you need to build back up your mental start from the crushing blow it felt.

 

If your friends are bringing you down, get new friends. If your family bothers you, separate yourself from them for awhile. Take a vacation, a hike, play your favorite video game all day, order 2 pizzas and dont get dresssed all day.

 

Seriously start becoming super selfish, not in a way that hurts others, but in a way where you are NUMBER 1, where you are the only person that matters (unless you have kids or a cat. KEEP FEEDING YOUR CAT!)

 

Materialism is frowned upon, as is instant gratification. I'm saying these things are bad in some ways, but because of social pressure's we sometimes become so concerned with the way we are perceived we don't give our-self our own love.

 

So i'm giving you permission to buy the car you always wanted, ask out the girl at Starbuck's, embarass yourself at the Christmas party.

 

What you are doing is getting to a place where you feel good again being with yourself.

 

Realizing you lost something but in the grand scheme of things life is still ok and you can still be who we were and be happy again.

 

After we get dumped, we think, well SHE DIDNT LIKE THAT PERSON, so I will change. I'll become less talkative, hang out by myself, BECAUSE THAT WAS MY TRUE SELF AND SHE REJECTED IT SO THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, AND OTHERS WILL ONLY REJECT ME ALSO.

 

and what i'm saying is the opposite. I'm saying F her. If that's who I was and she didn't like it, well **** that I'm not changing my personality or the things I love, or the clothes I wear.

 

In fact I'm going to be more myself. I'm going to take a yoga class, i'm going to tell my co-workers I don't like when they microwave fish at work and stink up the officee, I'm going to ruffle some feathers. BECAUSE LIFE IS ****ING SHORT!

 

And what you will find is that being yourself, being your best self, and being completely open with yourself, you will find the thing you love again; and not only that but really caring less and less what others think.

 

And it will happen bit by bit. You call in sick to work and go to the beach. Your happiness goes up .05% and you have this great memory, and realize nothing bad happened.

 

You have dinner with your family, walk the dog in the park and help a stranger cross the street...well a little serotonin dropped and you went up .3% and then slowly as these experiences build, as you take risks, as you say YES to invites to stuff you wouldn't have done before and NO (say no a lot) to your boss, your Dad, and that stuff you always hated doing.

 

I say this because for so long after my breakup I would look in the mirror and say, "Look at you you piece of ****. you took the best thing in life and RUINED it. I hate you."

 

and then I would enter the world. and I would come a home and say..."See, that day sucked, everyone hated you, now your lonely and will be alone forever, this is all your fault"

 

But after time, now I can say, "Wow, what a crazy fun weekend. I can't believe I did this and that, and love is so much fun again. Man that girl at the party was really cute maybe i'll call her, blah blah"

 

See what happened? I got the happy juices to start flowing, LIKED SPENDING TIME WITH MYSELF, and others start to like you to.

 

But if you hate yourself, no one will ever want to hang out with you. What I'm saying though is it isn't a switch. You can't just wake up and say "I love the world, I love myself" Thats self help BS

 

not after such a blow to the psyche, after such a huge pile of rejection.

 

But you can wake up today, trudge out the door, think of her all day, but HAVE A REALLY GREAT ****ING SANDWICH. and say at night, today sucked, i hate myself, but you know what...THAT ****ING SANDWICH WAS GREAT....life is ok b/c that sandwich rocked. 09% happiness injected.

 

and after awhile you'll be at 20% and then 50% and as you become happier and more contempt with who you are you will miss her less and less because the awesome world you created NOW is way better that the ****ty world you had with her. although it might've been good there is still a lot of live to live, and **** to see.

 

so in conclusion for step 9, BE SELFISH, TAKE RISKS, BUILD UP THE HAPPY MOMENTS.

 

The whole thread:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2982862#post2982862

[strength-abounds]

GT

 

If posting on LS keeps you from breaking NC, then go right ahead and post all you want.

 

We won't screw around on you.

[Gt.ooh]

Thanks guys, I woke up 3 times last night just staring at my phone on the charger...I was so tempted but I made it.

 

I`m going to a halloween party tonight, I don`t expect it to be spectacular by any means, but I`ll be out. I`m not a big drinker or partyer..just like the ex. We were fine with sitting at home and watching a scary movie. sigh..

 

Well I also found out she deleted my sister and anyone else associated with me on FB.. but that doesn`t matter keeps me from borrowing my sisters phone to check her page. I went through my FB wall and deleted a lot of stuff she posted as well as went through a bunch of pictures and saved them in a folder tucked away in pictures... Trying guys, tryin...

 

SO this was my post today. I`ll be back later. Thanks again for the support, and I do believe posting on here during the weeks leading up to her being here will help me, though ultimately I think I`ll txt her if I hear nothing from her visit.

 

I realize the post says I don`t care, which I`m there, however I do care about my well being and that`s what this is about. Right now I invested everything and I mean everything I had in her, for her...so for me the least I can get is a reason, even if it`s not what I want to hear.

 

Cheers.

[tobydog]

Just my 2p worth but I would want to know and I'd ask her. Though she will probably lie as mine continues to deny he with the local bike even after 7 weeks. But as I now know he is that has now ruined any chance for us in my eyes so it came as a sort of closure thing. Espaecially when she has the reputation that she's got....oh and rugby player legs..... Take care Debbie x

[WTRanger]

Thanks guys, I woke up 3 times last night just staring at my phone on the charger...I was so tempted but I made it.

 

I`m going to a halloween party tonight, I don`t expect it to be spectacular by any means, but I`ll be out. I`m not a big drinker or partyer..just like the ex. We were fine with sitting at home and watching a scary movie. sigh..

 

Well I also found out she deleted my sister and anyone else associated with me on FB.. but that doesn`t matter keeps me from borrowing my sisters phone to check her page. I went through my FB wall and deleted a lot of stuff she posted as well as went through a bunch of pictures and saved them in a folder tucked away in pictures... Trying guys, tryin...

 

SO this was my post today. I`ll be back later. Thanks again for the support, and I do believe posting on here during the weeks leading up to her being here will help me, though ultimately I think I`ll txt her if I hear nothing from her visit.

 

I realize the post says I don`t care, which I`m there, however I do care about my well being and that`s what this is about. Right now I invested everything and I mean everything I had in her, for her...so for me the least I can get is a reason, even if it`s not what I want to hear.

 

Cheers.

 

The big issue is she doesn't know you have the number, and how did you get her new number? If it involved anything shady, that's not going to help. While I'm a HUGE advocate of you not saying anything, you are ultimately going to do what you feel is best. If you do decide, against everyone's advice, to contact her then you must do it in an actual phone call. Texting is weak.

 

She is removing anything associated with you from her life, that should be your own closure there. You are going to end up destroying your life, for what? 1% extra closure? She doesn't owe you squat and I highly doubt she's going to give anything to you.

 

I mean, realistically, what are you going to do when she confirms everything? How is that going to help you? It's just going to put you back to the starting line. In my situation, the girl I knew for 2 years stood me up with a no-call no-show. I haven't heard from her since, zero, zilch, nadda. Yes, like you, I'd really like a reason. I'd really like to hear why she did it. But what's that going to solve? The fact is, no matter what she says can't fix what she did. So why do I care what the reason is? The fact is she did what she did and I've got to accept that with no reason from her. The reason isn't going to make it sting any less.

 

To to say it for the 10,000th time on this thread, you really don't need to be contacting her.

[Billie The Puppet]

Haven't been to LS in awhile but trust me it does not matter, you don't need it confirmed, the pain is the same if not worse. 2 weeks ago my ex's family told me because they know how I was pining and what not. All signs point to it then it is true. I'm actually heading out to hang with my ex's sister dinner and a movie (Her fiance too so no I am not hitting up the sister ha ah). They actually respected me enough to tell me my ex was stringing me along I was in NC so I had no idea but during LC she was acting as if there is no one else etc etc etc. I won't lie they are a big part of my loss too as not only did I love my ex I loved them (in a family way)

 

Basically asking them doesn't mean you will get the truth either,

 

This is my first love I have lost and the first time I have been a dumpee, It's hard especially since I prepared a proposal and all but I will live through it. What makes it worse is I want a relationship, however I still find it too soon to be with some one new. I've dated but no fizzle. spark etc and the ex was off my mind on these dates I didn't compare or anything just no spark. I guess it's because I am rather new to this.

 

Don't seek the truth just perceive it as so. In fact every time it happen's think of it as because there is another. If you do, it should be easier to move on. If you don't you are leaving the idea of a second chance in mind and are delaying moving forward. If it's to happen it will happen and it won't happen in the earlier stages of the BU,