amythan Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 (edited) Hi - Maybe you can put some light on this ... We didn't "officially" break up, but it is over. I felt he was pulling away and after some time I asked if something was wrong. We agreed on a casual relationship, but it was certainly going way too fast. So he said that he was not able to see things straight but that he was thinking and he does want to spent time with me. Then he asked what prompted my email, honesty for honesty. I explained what I was feeling, how I saw our relationship evolve and that I didn't want to be treated as a random girl. This was not a blame, just trying to explain how I feel in this powerless relationship. And I was NOT trying to end it either. It was not a long email, or angry, or nothing .. We were supposed to be friends and he always said he cares so much so ... what is the problem ?? In the mean time we texted, he was very cute but no mention to the email. And at this point it was unclear to me where we stand. I got sick last w/e and he said, as you have now lots of free time write me about you, your plans and stuff .. I did and i also asked why he never replied to my previous email .... No reply. This was last sunday. At this point I cannot contact him so I guess we are done for good. But I am still struggling why he never reply even to say, ok I understand. What do you think ? Edited October 29, 2010 by amythan
Mellisa Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Hi there,undertood where you stood.I have been there.Looks like this is just another guy who loathe "the talk".How long have you two been going out?I think you have a right to ask these questions after a month.It's clear to me that you've developed some feelings for the guy and you want to know what this is to him but he hasnt been able to give you any answer...Writing that email to him also shows him that you care and that you want more.He probably get the feeling that you are getting serious but he isnt so sure about what he wants or where he stands.He had probably thought he could have fun with you without having to put a label on it(he probably meant it when he said he enjoyed spending time with you) until the point you raise these questions.Now he has to think about these questions...If it takes him that long and plus the fact you did feel he had been pulling away,he's not anywhere near wanting to get serious with you.He doesnt want to lie or lead you on now that you actually asked but he probably still want to have you around for as long as he still wants to that's why he doesnt want to talk about it... I think it's a little immature and coward the way he's dealing with it.And it's also inconsiderate that he left you hang round like that(texted you in the mean time but didnt care to address the email?).I cant say where this will go for you but at this moment it's pretty clear that it's only a fling to him.I once wrote a email like that to a guy(well, went on more intense) in the same situation and he replied that that's just the way he was and that he couldnt give me what i deserved...So we both knew it's time to break up. Just be honest with what you want and where you want to go.Eventually you'll figure the situation out whether by him telling you or reading into signs yourself.There always comes a point we just know and then we'll have to decide whether to take it or leave it.If you think it's worthwhile to invest more time to watch and see, mind the warning signs and dont get too involved. Let us know if any reply from him.
carhill Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 We didn't "officially" break up, but it is over. Headlight, meet sign Some people don't have the mental/emotional capacity to share their reasons, if they even can clearly understand them themselves. Others don't care enough to respond. It is what it is. Silence is a response too.
Author amythan Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Thank for the replies. I know we are done and I was not expected - or demanding -him to explain himself. I always had feelings for him and I thought he shared those feelings too. When he said it was a casual think I should walked away. Sometimes we make mistakes, this was mine. When I asked about him pulling away he didn't say it was over, just he still wanted to see me. I just explained why this situation made me feel insecure, how this turned in way which seems wrong. I slept with him during months just because of these feelings, not because i am the easy one so this situation made feel non special. I know silence it is an answer but "I understand how you feel, I still care as a friend but we should stop sleeping together" it is also an answer. And at least this one would permit us to remain friends (in the future). The fact he was texting me things like you are my girl and all the jazz - without replying to my email - just shows he does not care at all about me. So I guess this is the answer, but not the easiest to hear.
mmk1 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I believe someone should be man (or woman) enough to give an explanation in person, or at least by phone. Breaking up by text or email or silence is cowardly, IMHO, but it happens every day, including to me at the end of a 5 year relationship. Fortunately, you did not have a lot invested time wise or emotionally. Ultimately, the reason why doesn't matter and you can't change it. So, move on and remember: Next!
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I just read through quite a few of your past threads about this relationship ... it sounds like it was pretty intense sexually, and the guy was feeling that it was at a point where it was going someplace where he didn't want it to go unless he backed off. You say you were FWB but it does sound from your posts that you had a deeper investment ... I'm sorry that something meaningful for you on whatever level has ended in such an unsatisfactory manner.
Author amythan Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I just read through quite a few of your past threads about this relationship ... it sounds like it was pretty intense sexually, and the guy was feeling that it was at a point where it was going someplace where he didn't want it to go unless he backed off. You described perfectly the situation. There were also the daily conversations and the traveling and all the confusing things. Now looking back I realize we should never walked this road. Which bugs me more it is the fact I am really easy going and caring, not the scene type at all so it would had been so easy to keep just the good memories. Sometimes we just make mistakes judging people.
Mellisa Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 If you are not those women who can **** with no emotion/feeling attached whatsoever,dont do it next time.Most women are different from men on that.Especially when you have feelings and the others dont,you set youself into a vunlerable situation and be prepared to deal with being hurt.You had probably thought if you sticked out longer he might come around but it rarely happens and you'll only end up getting more hurt as you become more attached.It's not healthy and it can damage your self esteem in the long run.Good for you that you decide to get out.Move on and find a better man.A man who is more emotionally available.
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