alexa137 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 why do men rather be with a ho than a good woman? i am a 40 yr old woman and after 22 years of dealing with men ive realized they dont really want a good woman. I feel i have a lot to offer in a realationship and cant even find a man who wants one. Ive only been in 2 serious relationships, that lasted a lil more than a few months. every man i have dealt with has cheated. I would treat a man good, cook clean whatever. but none want to appreciate the good qualities. they dont even but the effort into dating! I just dont understand why they would rather be with a young slut that has 3or 4 kids by all these different men and sleep around. Is it because they do tricks? I meanif I was your woman(only) and i knew you werent cheating on me, i could be a little more sexual and affectionate, but why bother when half of the town I live in has herpes or other sexual diseases because everyone sleeps with everyone else leftovers! so why doesnt a man want a good woman??
Author alexa137 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 ive never been with a man who hit me! hell no! all i want is a man to treat me right and to want me for more than sex! trying to figure out how to get a man who kinda likes me for about 2 yrs to realize i can be so much more than just a piece of a$$ 3 times a month! it just hurts so see what men do to women!
BS76 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 why do men rather be with a ho than a good woman? i am a 40 yr old woman and after 22 years of dealing with men ive realized they dont really want a good woman. I feel i have a lot to offer in a realationship and cant even find a man who wants one. Ive only been in 2 serious relationships, that lasted a lil more than a few months. every man i have dealt with has cheated. I would treat a man good, cook clean whatever. but none want to appreciate the good qualities. they dont even but the effort into dating! I just dont understand why they would rather be with a young slut that has 3or 4 kids by all these different men and sleep around. Is it because they do tricks? I meanif I was your woman(only) and i knew you werent cheating on me, i could be a little more sexual and affectionate, but why bother when half of the town I live in has herpes or other sexual diseases because everyone sleeps with everyone else leftovers! so why doesnt a man want a good woman?? The answer is in your question. They're young and hot and fertile. Men are hard wired by nature to be attracted to them, hence why my #1 advice is for women to settle down young and hang on to their man tooth and nail. Once you get past 35 or 40 women are pretty much screwed when it comes to finding another long term mate. Read the following for the harsh reality. http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/10/25/post-marital-spinsterhood/ http://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/10/26/post-marital-spinsterhood-part-two-the-data/
Chicago_Guy Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 why do men rather be with a ho than a good woman? i am a 40 yr old woman and after 22 years of dealing with men ive realized they dont really want a good woman. I feel i have a lot to offer in a realationship and cant even find a man who wants one. Ive only been in 2 serious relationships, that lasted a lil more than a few months. every man i have dealt with has cheated. I would treat a man good, cook clean whatever. but none want to appreciate the good qualities. they dont even but the effort into dating! I just dont understand why they would rather be with a young slut that has 3or 4 kids by all these different men and sleep around. Is it because they do tricks? I meanif I was your woman(only) and i knew you werent cheating on me, i could be a little more sexual and affectionate, but why bother when half of the town I live in has herpes or other sexual diseases because everyone sleeps with everyone else leftovers! so why doesnt a man want a good woman?? The type of guys you go out with are probably players. I bet you overlook a lot of decent guys who wouldn't behave like that.
Author alexa137 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 ive never overlooked any guy, ive talked to many guys, maybe its the town i live in! they only want to do 1 thing and they all have messed up minds! its a babymaking town and deadbeat dads and sluts and ppl sharing men and women its just a mess! sad but true!
donnamaybe Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 ive never overlooked any guy, ive talked to many guys, maybe its the town i live in! they only want to do 1 thing and they all have messed up minds! its a babymaking town and deadbeat dads and sluts and ppl sharing men and women its just a mess! sad but true! The fact that you say "they only want one thing" and in your opening post said you WOULD give a man affection and sex if only he wouldn't cheat on you makes me wonder if good sex was ever there for a man in the first place. Now don't get all upset, because I may have misunderstood, and if I did, please tell me how it really is. But yes - men DO want sex, and they want to feel wanted sexually - not that you just lay there and "let them" have sex with you. Do you enjoy sex with a man who is sexually considerate to you, i.e. a good lover?
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 The answer is in your question. They're young and hot and fertile. Men are hard wired by nature to be attracted to them, hence why my #1 advice is for women to settle down young and hang on to their man tooth and nail. Once you get past 35 or 40 women are pretty much screwed when it comes to finding another long term mate. Read the following for the harsh reality. I strongly disagree with your #1 advice for women. My #1 advice for women (and men) is to wait until you are mature and absolutely as ready as you can ever be to get into a serious committed relationship. OP - there is a LOT of hope; lots of women here on LS are over 40 (or even over 50) and have established good relationships. Just because young & hot = attractive does not mean that the attracted men (or women) are bound to take action upon the attraction. You can't blame your situation on "all guys prefer hos." Are you an interesting person? Why don't you find some meet-ups or other groups (church? classes?) where you might find men who share common interests with you? Men who want to be with young ladies who have 5 kids by 5 different babydaddies are not the men for you. Leave them to their preferences and look for a good match for YOU.
carhill Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Relevant thread by the OP Given your comments about your town, I'd suggest moving. I had similar 'complaints' when in my late 30's and took up traveling the world to find better opportunities. Never regretted that choice. Hope you find what you're looking for
Author alexa137 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 well now idont just lay there! i do enjoy it and do what i know the man wants(without getting technical), i read, watch porn etc.and obviously he has been coming back for 2 years, one problem is I want it more, like at least once a week, but it seems like we are always on his time! which is more like 3-4 times a month! I thought guys wanted it everyday! i have not been affectionate with this guy lately because he already hurt my feelings once before so my wall went up again! i have love for him but not "in love' anymore! i asked him last fri what i am to him and really didnt get a response(if i woldnt interrupt might be better for me!) he just said that i want this and he wants that and we cant find a happy medium! he says he cares about me, and likes me. i kinda believe it because its been 2 years of having sex. he says we arent "friends with benefits" he has done other things for me like pick up a dryer, and other little things and i do alot for him also, make cds, dinner etc. the reason the main question was asked was because i think he is messing around with a few sluts in the area, just my gut feeling, through facebook stalking this week. Ive warned him that they are many ppl I know of that have herpes( and possibly more stds) and to be careful. he still claims that he is only having sex with me. but i cant seem to let him go until i have the proof and i was hoping it would come soon. the worst of all this is that tomm is my bday and its really depressing to go so many years without a man in my life to share celebrating, and its been 3 days since ive heard from him. I get my feelings hurt easily and it sucks to go all weekend depressed and crying.
carhill Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 *Anything* is an option, if one is sufficiently motivated. Sometimes you just have to alter your path to align it with the paths of compatible people. Or, be alone and satisfied with that. Either is a reasonable alternative to what you feel now.
donnamaybe Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 well now idont just lay there! i do enjoy it and do what i know the man wants(without getting technical), i read, watch porn etc.and obviously he has been coming back for 2 years, one problem is I want it more, like at least once a week, but it seems like we are always on his time! which is more like 3-4 times a month! I thought guys wanted it everyday! i have not been affectionate with this guy lately because he already hurt my feelings once before so my wall went up again! i have love for him but not "in love' anymore! i asked him last fri what i am to him and really didnt get a response(if i woldnt interrupt might be better for me!) he just said that i want this and he wants that and we cant find a happy medium! he says he cares about me, and likes me. i kinda believe it because its been 2 years of having sex. he says we arent "friends with benefits" he has done other things for me like pick up a dryer, and other little things and i do alot for him also, make cds, dinner etc. the reason the main question was asked was because i think he is messing around with a few sluts in the area, just my gut feeling, through facebook stalking this week. Ive warned him that they are many ppl I know of that have herpes( and possibly more stds) and to be careful. he still claims that he is only having sex with me. but i cant seem to let him go until i have the proof and i was hoping it would come soon. the worst of all this is that tomm is my bday and its really depressing to go so many years without a man in my life to share celebrating, and its been 3 days since ive heard from him. I get my feelings hurt easily and it sucks to go all weekend depressed and crying. Okay, two years of sex. Do you go out together a lot? Do you live together? It doesn't sound like it. After two years, you'd think the R woudl have moved into at least the "living together" stage, right? I think you deserve more than you think you deserve. How about this... date other people. If they aren't right for you - NEXT! You're right - you should NOT be alone on your birthday and holidays, crying because you don't have your special someone. That's BS. BUT - if you keep waiting for this guy to allow the relationship to proceed when it seems, at least to me, that he's not interested in such, you won't meet anyone else. I know that sounds simple, and I'm not diminishing the difficulty of finding a decent man as we get older, but it can happen. Value yourself to the point that you won't allow any man to do anything but the best by you. You deserve it!!!
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 why do men rather be with a ho than a good woman? i am a 40 yr old woman and after 22 years of dealing with men ive realized they dont really want a good woman. I feel i have a lot to offer in a realationship and cant even find a man who wants one. Ive only been in 2 serious relationships, that lasted a lil more than a few months. every man i have dealt with has cheated. I would treat a man good, cook clean whatever. but none want to appreciate the good qualities. they dont even but the effort into dating! I just dont understand why they would rather be with a young slut that has 3or 4 kids by all these different men and sleep around. Is it because they do tricks? I meanif I was your woman(only) and i knew you werent cheating on me, i could be a little more sexual and affectionate, but why bother when half of the town I live in has herpes or other sexual diseases because everyone sleeps with everyone else leftovers! so why doesnt a man want a good woman?? Some guys are just a**hats. Are you dating or attracted to a certain "type"? Do you find that you only attract jerks? Seriously just based on what you have here, you seem like a great woman. Some guys are unable to appreciate anything. Don't let those guys bring you down.
Philetus Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 why do men rather be with a ho than a good woman? so why doesnt a man want a good woman?? I'm currently in a relationship. I one of those guys who WANTS a good woman and I've got one. However, relationships are a LOT of work. My gf and I are crazy about each other but she's 37 and I'm 44. We bring a lot of baggage into our relationship and we have to deal with various things all the time. Emotionally, I have a lot more ups and downs than I did when I was single and dating. Also, because of our age, the stakes in our relationship are higher so it moves faster. The stakes are higher because neither of us want to invest a year in a relationship that ultimately isn't going to work out so it feels like it's on fast forward and that makes the emotions even more intense. Finally, relationships bring commitment and emotional peril, that is, the risk of being hurt. At this point in our lives (40ish) we've all been hurt, some of us multiple times. I wasn't looking to fall in love, it happened because I met the world's most incredible woman (apologies to all the other women on ls but you know what I mean). So, for me, the fact that relationships raise the possibility of getting hurt and that they're so much work dissuaded me from getting into one. Of course, now that I've found someone, I'm very happy. Love is taking a leap of faith. However, occasionally I have bouts of anxiety because I remember how much my last relationship hurt me emotionally and physically. I don't think our bodies forget that. My advice is to take each date as it comes. Don't expect a relationship to just happen, don't bend over backwards for people. Take care of yourself and your needs and when the right one comes along, you'll know it. I knew after my second date that I'd found a woman I could potentially spend the rest of my life with. Good luck.
Author alexa137 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 he took me out a few times at the beginning, dinner, a bar/club, then after about 8 months i couldnt get nowhere with him I decided to leave him alone, after about 6 mths or so i found him on facebook and we starting hooking up again to only find out that while we werent speaking to each other he got married! so i backed off awhile, he kept calling/texting, then saying they were seperated so we starting up again, i know they were because i went to his house, it wasnt always my place we got together. then over the summer his daughter passes away and i was there for him 100% which i didnt mind..i always wanted a man to want and need the things i can offer, cook dinner, clean etc...whatever yea so i always think if he cheated on his wife he will always be a cheater, and I think he is, even though i can say hes cheating on me because hes not my boyfriend. not at all live together, i wont make that move until i find someone who is 100% committed in every way in a relationship...even tho i think hes with other woman im the type of woman who wants to either see or hear the proof somehow.
carhill Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 ...... People-picker service required, perhaps?
Author alexa137 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 oh..i forgot! i have tried dating other people because i feel that once I meet someone I will finally leave this man alone for good(even though its the best sex ive EVER had!) ive had 2 other men interested in me..first 1 we talked on facebook and texted alot and then he took me to dinner and the movies, said he likes me blahblah blah but never put the effort to take me out again, i think he was also talking to an ex(the wonder of facebook!) so i havent heard from him in over a month! guy #2-ive know him from seeing him out for many years0i dont go out often,esp like i used to but since i live alone, well i have a 13yr old daughter, and i am home 24/7 my life is very boring, dont ask b/c this town is small and i dont trust anyone! only have 2 good friends and they are busy or whatever so dont do much around here, just stay home. back to guy #2, we talked,txted for a few months, he never made the effort to come see me or take me out either. Im not gonna make the initiative at the beginning. thats just me, maybe im wrong, i mean i do make idea and suggestions because im always avaiable to do something, whenever day or night weekday or weekend,only a lil problem i dont have too much $ so cant do nothing extravagant like take a trip to the islands! so i havent heard much from him either! to me guys just dont want to go out on dates or even visit and watch a movie! nothing! i guess im old fashioned or something. I m just not into going to the clubs and get drunk and bring some random dude and screw him! i know i deserve better! buts its so hard being alone for so many years that why i continue dealing with this 1 guy because ive know him for many years and now im comfortable with him (yes i have low self esteem and confidence) i am atrracted to him in alot of ways i just wish i knew how he really felt about me
donnamaybe Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Stop settling for this part-time boyfriend! In doing so, you will keep yourself unavailable for a man who would treat you right. Don't worry about having a guy, or you'll wind up with just any guy - like this one. Go out with girlfriends. Have fun on your own. Only allow a guy in who is worthy of you spending (not wasting) your time on him.
green_tea Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Once you get past 35 or 40 women are pretty much screwed when it comes to finding another long term mate. I beg to differ. I turned 40 this year, am on an online dating site and get lots of interest on there. I am so sick of seeing guys bashing 35+ women on here. To the OP, I was in a similar situation for about 5 years. Wish I had got out of it at the 2 year mark! I agree with Donna - don't settle for him, save your time and energy for someone that deserves it.
americanstreamer Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 The good guys will understand the goodness in a woman. Looks are important but not always. Companionship is the key.
9Lives Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I strongly disagree with your #1 advice for women. My #1 advice for women (and men) is to wait until you are mature and absolutely as ready as you can ever be to get into a serious committed relationship. OP - there is a LOT of hope; lots of women here on LS are over 40 (or even over 50) and have established good relationships. Just because young & hot = attractive does not mean that the attracted men (or women) are bound to take action upon the attraction. You can't blame your situation on "all guys prefer hos." Are you an interesting person? Why don't you find some meet-ups or other groups (church? classes?) where you might find men who share common interests with you? Men who want to be with young ladies who have 5 kids by 5 different babydaddies are not the men for you. Leave them to their preferences and look for a good match for YOU. I'm gladu addressed that bullsht the poster said about being young and marrying quickly. Truth is u got to look within. It sounds real stupid but its true. Good love is available and out there. Age doesn't make it happen, its about who u are and the way u carry yourself. I don't listen to a lot of certain music, I manage my emotions, and I don't look at other rel and I maintain my self love and respect. I'm winning baby. I'm single and I'm happy at this time and I know I'm gonna meet someone but I'm really not that interested. I'm enjoying doing whatever I want to do and watchin the drama from the side line.
9Lives Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 oh..i forgot! i have tried dating other people because i feel that once I meet someone I will finally leave this man alone for good(even though its the best sex ive EVER had!) ive had 2 other men interested in me..first 1 we talked on facebook and texted alot and then he took me to dinner and the movies, said he likes me blahblah blah but never put the effort to take me out again, i think he was also talking to an ex(the wonder of facebook!) so i havent heard from him in over a month! guy #2-ive know him from seeing him out for many years0i dont go out often,esp like i used to but since i live alone, well i have a 13yr old daughter, and i am home 24/7 my life is very boring, dont ask b/c this town is small and i dont trust anyone! only have 2 good friends and they are busy or whatever so dont do much around here, just stay home. back to guy #2, we talked,txted for a few months, he never made the effort to come see me or take me out either. Im not gonna make the initiative at the beginning. thats just me, maybe im wrong, i mean i do make idea and suggestions because im always avaiable to do something, whenever day or night weekday or weekend,only a lil problem i dont have too much $ so cant do nothing extravagant like take a trip to the islands! so i havent heard much from him either! to me guys just dont want to go out on dates or even visit and watch a movie! nothing! i guess im old fashioned or something. I m just not into going to the clubs and get drunk and bring some random dude and screw him! i know i deserve better! buts its so hard being alone for so many years that why i continue dealing with this 1 guy because ive know him for many years and now im comfortable with him (yes i have low self esteem and confidence) i am atrracted to him in alot of ways i just wish i knew how he really felt about me I had a sorry bf like yours and let me tell u...it better better to be on the other side...single. don't settle for bad relationships. They serve no good purpose. Don't worry about what other people are doing. Do what is best for you. I'm single by choice right now. I have my moments but I feel waaaaaaaay better than being in a bad rel. I still miss my ex but I'm not going to be treat any kind of way but respected! You feel me....I want that right there.....more mportant than love. Love is suppose to feel good and make u happy too.
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