Wtf!

[Oscar Wilde]

Short story below:

 

two months ago she told me she was a bit confused, needed some space, as she felt as she was not in love with me. But Alas! each time we meet we acted like a couple. It was really confusing. As it hurted a lot to me I decided to formally dump her. She told me that I was right doing so as she was not capable of dumping me. WTF!

 

Break up conditions stated by her:

 

- to remain friends.

- that she won't close the door to a second chance.

 

I sent her a letter in order to let her know that this is not possible right now, maybe in the future. This week she contacted me and said me that "if you love me you are going to remain friends". WTF!!

 

I don't know how to deal with it. I'm feeling really bad, as I need to move on but she strings me!

 

Thanks guys!!

Edited October 29, 2010 by Oscar Wilde

[PegNosePete]

Sounds like you've got an unflushable. How dare she state "conditions" for your break-up! You dumped her, so YOU state the conditions! And those conditions should be, "GO AWAY!"

 

She is manipulating you and trying to keep you hanging on. She wants to keep you as a backup, a plan B. She is talking complete bullsh*t, and luckily it seems you can see it for what it is!

 

You should go NC with her right away. She seems to be either manipulative, or just plain emotionally immature. Either way, you don't want to be involved with her. Just don't respond to her, don't talk to her, unfriend her on FB, etc. No more contact.

[Oscar Wilde]

She is manipulating you and trying to keep you hanging on. She wants to keep you as a backup, a plan B. She is talking complete bullsh*t, and luckily it seems you can see it for what it is!

 

You should go NC with her right away. She seems to be either manipulative, or just plain emotionally immature. Either way, you don't want to be involved with her. Just don't respond to her, don't talk to her, unfriend her on FB, etc. No more contact.

 

Thanks guy!

 

I can see some manipultive pattern on her. Also I must tell you it seems a rebound:

 

- 2 years with her ex

- he dumped her

- after only one month we got together

- he told me later about her ex, and that she needed me so much in her life

 

She was unable to dump me, and said me that acted cold in order to me to dump her. WTF! Total mannipulation????

 

I went no NC, but we broke it several times in order to obtain some info on what's going on.....

 

Current situation:

 

- She loves me, needs me in her live but is not in love with me.

- She's confused, as she told me also that several times was thinking in getting me back.

- I'm really confused. Need to go strict NC, but I'm still in love with her. It's difficult. Nor push/pull seems to affect her.

- She only angry when I stated that maybe we never could be friends.

 

Need help!!!

 

Bests regards!

 

Oscar

[PegNosePete]

Allow me to translate from girlspeak into normal English:

 

- She loves me, needs me in her live but is not in love with me.

She likes having you around, she likes being wanted and attention. She likes comfort and dependability and not to have to bother being independent. But she does not love you. Actually google that phrase "love but not in love" and see what turns up. I got fed that line too, as many of us here have. It's definitely not a good thing.

 

- She's confused, as she told me also that several times was thinking in getting me back.

She's not confused at all. She wants to explore other options, but wants you to hang around like a love-sick puppy in case she decides the grass is not greener after all.

 

- She only angry when I stated that maybe we never could be friends.

You're threatening her perfect picture of what she wants the situation to be. She thinks she can manipulate you into doing exactly what she wants. What she wants, is for you to hang around in the background while she tries out some other guys, and if they don't work out, she can just click her fingers and you'll reappear, as if nothing ever happened.

 

She needs to realize that you are a human being, not a plaything. She can't just tell you what to do and feel, and expect you to lap it all up like a sycophantic puppy. You have a perfect right to choose whether to be friends or not, and whether she gets angry at your decision is not your problem. Being friends with her sounds like a very bad idea to me. Just go NC and stick to it, otherwise your pain will just go on and on and on. NC will help you move on, and you'll recover, and find someone who deserves you.

[TomerT]

Current situation:

 

- She loves me, needs me in her live but is not in love with me.

- She's confused, as she told me also that several times was thinking in getting me back.

- I'm really confused. Need to go strict NC, but I'm still in love with her. It's difficult. Nor push/pull seems to affect her.

- She only angry when I stated that maybe we never could be friends.

 

Oscar

 

Oscar, I don't know where are you from, but I am amazed every time how similar (up to the same expressions) women are all the world. It doesn't matter their nationality, culture, mentality - same sentences, same bs !

Let me try to translate you what she said to you:

1) She loves herself. Temporary needs you in her life as emotional tampon.

2) She wants you to be around, just in case, until she finds someome better.

3) She may even consider to have sex with you when she feels like it(women also has needs) and there is no one around.

 

Now, according to this. Do you really want her ? Don't fool your self - you do not in love with her, you in love with the person you thought she was. It's not the same person ! Make your math now.

 

I already 39 days strict NC with my X. Sometimes felt really bad, but looking retrospective I become better off. I'am healing and learnt something about myself during this time. When she will crawl back I will not give a sh*t. Most likely I will not even "do her a favor"....

[Oscar Wilde]

Dear PegNose,

 

your translation is welcome, and it confirms what my brain is trying to tell me. I agree that NC is the only option to follow. As I care this girl (She was abused two years ago and trial is going on), do you advise me to silently dissapear or tell her that I'm not going to be available for her? I'm not a rude, but a polite guy.

 

Bests regards!

 

Oscar

[PegNosePete]

I would just disappear from her life. She has already fed you that BS line about if you love her then you will remain friends. If you [try to] tell her anything else then she will reply with similar. You've already sent her the letter saying that you don't want to be friends, so there really isn't any more to say. Just ignore anything she sends you. It sounds like she is the type to keep trying, but after a while of getting no response she'll get the message.

 

Good luck

[Oscar Wilde]

Dear PegNose,

 

your translation is welcome, and it confirms what my brain is trying to tell me. I agree that NC is the only option to follow. As I care this girl (She was abused two years ago and trial is going on), do you advise me to silently dissapear or tell her that I'm not going to be available for her? I'm not a rude, but a polite guy.

 

Also, there are two girls interested in dating me. The problem is that right now I need to heal. They know my current situation and are helping me to recover my self-steem. I don't want to rebound on these women as it's the easy way to go.

 

 

Bests regards!

 

Oscar

[Oscar Wilde]

Dear TomerT.

 

Your post is clear as water, I really feel as I was used as her temporal emotional tampon (it sounds really weird). I'm gonna stick to NC as I resolved time ago.

 

For the sake of your curiosity, I'm from Spain, a nice country from the southern Europe, with charming people.

Keep in touch!

[Ajax]

Oscar, your situation cannot stand. I agree with the previous posters that this giel is trying to manipulate you into serving her purposes.

 

It's funny and unfortunate how often this happens. We get so wrapped up in who we think someone is and what the future might hold with them that we lose sight of who they really are. My ex also told me that she needed me in her life, but I told her that I couldn't be friends with her and to her credit she hasn't bothered me. Either that or she really never cared

 

As for our exes, we know what needs to happen, we just need moral support in going NC. The question becomes: how do we make sure the next person we fall for doesn't have the same intentions?

[Oscar Wilde]

Oscar, your situation cannot stand. I agree with the previous posters that this giel is trying to manipulate you into serving her purposes.

 

It's funny and unfortunate how often this happens. We get so wrapped up in who we think someone is and what the future might hold with them that we lose sight of who they really are. My ex also told me that she needed me in her life, but I told her that I couldn't be friends with her and to her credit she hasn't bothered me. Either that or she really never cared

 

As for our exes, we know what needs to happen, we just need moral support in going NC. The question becomes: how do we make sure the next person we fall for doesn't have the same intentions?

 

Good friend Ajax,

 

After the break up I deleted all pictures of both us, did close my FB account, removed her from Messenger and so on, while doing so I cried a lot and suffered great pain. While I was not emotionally prepared for this strike she did was, so for me its difficult to let her go.

 

As for your question, we don't really know the intentions of the persons involved in our life, but our feelings gonna tell us if we're to be happy with them. Ajax, surround yourself with good, happy and supportive people.

 

I'm feeling bad at this moment, but at the end I know that I'm gonna be strong. I keep fighting my demons, and although I'm loosing several battles the final victory wold be mine. For sure!

 

Best regards good friend, don't surrender to your own demons and keep battling to the end!!!

 

O.W.

[TomerT]

Dear TomerT.

 

Your post is clear as water, I really feel as I was used as her temporal emotional tampon (it sounds really weird). I'm gonna stick to NC as I resolved time ago.

 

For the sake of your curiosity, I'm from Spain, a nice country from the southern Europe, with charming people.

Keep in touch!

 

Dear Oscar (not Freire by chance ? ). Spain is one of my next destinations, hopefully very soon It proves again - that women "bitchiness" does not know any borders and limits !

 

If you consider your self as polite guy, and care about her feelings, I would suggest you to write her an email (if you know that she will read it) or even better a regular, hand written letter where you explain about your decision. Just drop the letter in her post box, without seeing her (or being seen)...

I think in either case she deserves an explanation - disappearing just like this will be cruel for every human being.. I think she wasn't so bad after all...Respect what you had.

[Oscar Wilde]

Dear Oscar (not Freire by chance ? ). Spain is one of my next destinations, hopefully very soon It proves again - that women "bitchiness" does not know any borders and limits !

 

If you consider your self as polite guy, and care about her feelings, I would suggest you to write her an email (if you know that she will read it) or even better a regular, hand written letter where you explain about your decision. Just drop the letter in her post box, without seeing her (or being seen)...

I think in either case she deserves an explanation - disappearing just like this will be cruel for every human being.. I think she wasn't so bad after all...Respect what you had.

 

Hi TomerT,

 

I agree with You, we all are human beings and we all can make bad decisions. Time puts everyone in their place. Before reading your post, I sent her an e-mail, I told her that we both must know from our errors, in fact we never did blame eachother. The e-mail was polite. I feel better this way. Late by night she sent me her answer, and let me know that she made the wrongest decisions in her life. Then, I sent her another e-mail in which I made perfectly clear that my feelings are very strong, but that we cannot we together right now.

 

I you're coming to Spain take for granted that you have a new friend here, it's me. I you have time to visit Barcelona I can show you the city and the club scene, sure you gonna met warm and charming woman. In Spain woman are very passionate.

 

Best regards and thank you!

 

Oscar Wilde

[TomerT]

Hi TomerT,

 

I agree with You, we all are human beings and we all can make bad decisions. Time puts everyone in their place. Before reading your post, I sent her an e-mail, I told her that we both must know from our errors, in fact we never did blame eachother. The e-mail was polite. I feel better this way. Late by night she sent me her answer, and let me know that she made the wrongest decisions in her life. Then, I sent her another e-mail in which I made perfectly clear that my feelings are very strong, but that we cannot we together right now.

 

Good. Now, STOP this ping-pong emailing. There is nothing you (or she) can say to each other that can fix something now. Go to total NC. Disappear! If she sending you email, I would send back automatic message "[email protected] address does not exist"...Let her feel that you changed your email....Same about cell phone. I installed filtering application - that just blocks my X number (btw, you can find my posts here and see what she did to me...I'm blocking her not cause I am bad...) and send her automatic message "number disconnected"...For her I ceased to exist.. Of course there is always an option she can pop up in front of your door - stay cool, be polite, say sorry but you in a hurry right now and ask her to respect your privacy.

I promise you - you will have moments you will be dying to call her or send her a message. Don't do it. Instead go to this forum and read how others X-gf ripped hearts of they bf without blinking twice. Yours will do the same to you.

This is in their DNA - you should protect yourself ! Read other posts in "second chances" - it almost never works (especially now, after we can see the true colors of our gf)...If in some point in your life - you completely over her (really over) and both of you single and still want have some "fun" (if you know what I mean) I think this is OK..but don't let your emotions to be involved this time. She had her chance ! But first of all you need to protect yourself and heal !

 

Also - during this time, try to improve your self (there is always something to improve). Buy new clothes, go to gym, run, bike...read, do something new (go to the concert for example)....I know it is hard, I am 40 days complete NC and still thinking about her, but it's better now. I realizing that I am missing the person I thought she was and not the real her !

 

I you're coming to Spain take for granted that you have a new friend here, it's me. I you have time to visit Barcelona I can show you the city and the club scene, sure you gonna met warm and charming woman. In Spain woman are very passionate.

 

Thanks, bro. It is really kind of you. It proves me another time - how unpredictable life can be. I came here (LS) cause I lost my gf, but eventually find a new friend in Spain Isn't it ironic ?...BTW, if you curious - I am Russian born, Israeli, currently living in Australia dated with Philippina girl...So as you can see, I have some "international" experience.

[bl22]

"I realizing that I am missing the person I thought she was and not the real her !"

 

 

good quote