Daisy_May Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Does anyone else have a problem with there MM's and jealousy... my MM freaks if I am around certain people or I want to hang out with certain guys, granted he does know that one of them likes me but I have talked to this certain person and he knows my situation, there is nothing sexual/love wise going on with these males but he still freaks, he acted like a 2 year old stomping around and slamming doors when I said who I was going out with one night...I have never given him a reason not to trust me and I don't get it, I don't pitch a fit when he goes home so what right does he have to do the same to me?
strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Ahhhhh............the green eyed monster rears its ugly head. I believe what you are experiencing is the aftermath of guilt due to the A of your MM. Get used to it. Good luck with that monster. P.S. You have him given a reason not to trust you. You are a willing member of an A. What more does he need?
bentnotbroken Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 People who aren't trustworthy, don't trust others. They do it to their wives to. Mr. Messy always accused me of cheating. Hindsight showed me that each time he was in an affair, he would accuse me. He also told me that it was the nature of the beast. If he could be with someone who would cheat with him or on their spouse(most of his AP were married too)then they would "cheat" on him.
skywriter Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Hi Daisy Mae, If you're single and he's married, then he may feel, that he has you all to himself. The threat of sharing you upsets him and stirs his insecurities. If he doesn't have any intimacy and desires for his spouse then it would make it even more difficult for him to not get jealous. If you had to watch him interact with his wife you may experience some form of jealousy and insecurity as well.
desertIslandCactus Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Does anyone else have a problem with there MM's and jealousy... my MM freaks if I am around certain people or I want to hang out with certain guys, granted he does know that one of them likes me but I have talked to this certain person and he knows my situation, there is nothing sexual/love wise going on with these males but he still freaks, he acted like a 2 year old stomping around and slamming doors when I said who I was going out with one night...I have never given him a reason not to trust me and I don't get it, I don't pitch a fit when he goes home so what right does he have to do the same to me? Your MM is most likely detaining you in never-never land. You don't owe him as much as you owe yourself.
YellowShark Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Does anyone else have a problem with there MM's and jealousy... my MM freaks if I am around certain people or I want to hang out with certain guys... So if I read correctly the guy cheating on his wife freaks out and is jealous when you want to hang out with other people... Wow. How ironic. He sounds like a real A-class psycho with serious issues.
OWoman Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Does anyone else have a problem with there MM's and jealousy... my MM freaks if I am around certain people or I want to hang out with certain guys, granted he does know that one of them likes me but I have talked to this certain person and he knows my situation, there is nothing sexual/love wise going on with these males but he still freaks, he acted like a 2 year old stomping around and slamming doors when I said who I was going out with one night...I have never given him a reason not to trust me and I don't get it, I don't pitch a fit when he goes home so what right does he have to do the same to me? Interesting question! My H confessed to having felt stirrings of jealousy during the A, knowing I was out and living my life without him - even if the "jealousy" wasn't necessarily sexual. He felt really conflicted about it - it flew in the face of his beliefs (that people are not possessions, and that they're agents in their own right to do as they wish) and he hated feeling like that, but admitted at the same time that it indicated deeper feelings towards me than he'd realised. He'd never felt that with his (then)W - they lived entirely separate lives, and he felt no desire to be part of hers; and when she attempted to stir feelings of jealousy in him by telling him about younger men flirting with her, he'd responded encouragingly to her, telling her to enjoy them and asking if she wanted him to take the kids away for a weekend so that she and her younger men could have the house to themselves.... (not at all the response she'd anticipated!). He admitted it, dealt with it and we've moved on. We're respectful of each others' space, each others' right to friends and interests, but at the same time we acknowledge that being with someone attractive means that other people may be attracted to them too.
carhill Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Ever take a little boy's toys away and watch the reaction? That's the beginnings of territoriality. At the core, some men are still little boys with their toys. So, OP, we know you don't *like* this behavior. The real issue is whether MM is still *attractive* to you, the jealous man-boy he is? What say you?
East7 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 People who aren't trustworthy, don't trust others. They do it to their wives to. Mr. Messy always accused me of cheating. Hindsight showed me that each time he was in an affair, he would accuse me. I agree. The cheaters don't trust anyone including their spouses. Hi Daisy Mae, If you're single and he's married, then he may feel, that he has you all to himself. The threat of sharing you upsets him and stirs his insecurities. If he doesn't have any intimacy and desires for his spouse then it would make it even more difficult for him to not get jealous. If you had to watch him interact with his wife you may experience some form of jealousy and insecurity as well. +1. Insecurity ! MM/MW are always VERY jealous about their single AP. My MW used to go crazy every time I used to talk or see other women, she was possessive and she distrusted me. I think it is part of their emotional attachment and especially when the AP is single they always live with the fear that he/she will run away with someone available. However their jealousy, a single AP doesn't own fidelity to someone who is married.
Fieldsofgold Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Does anyone else have a problem with there MM's and jealousy... my MM freaks if I am around certain people or I want to hang out with certain guys, granted he does know that one of them likes me but I have talked to this certain person and he knows my situation, there is nothing sexual/love wise going on with these males but he still freaks, he acted like a 2 year old stomping around and slamming doors when I said who I was going out with one night...I have never given him a reason not to trust me and I don't get it, I don't pitch a fit when he goes home so what right does he have to do the same to me? HELLO!!!!!! Doesn't anyone else see the RED FLAGS here??????? This "jealousy" and his behavior is NOT about LOVE. It IS about CONTROL, and is a VERY GOOD INDICATOR of someone who will turn ABUSIVE. I work with troubled teens. I have the manuals. I have first-hand experience, both personal and through others' relationships. And this man doesn't even have the excuse of being a teenager. This is NOT how a stable, emotionally healthy adult deals with their fears.
pureinheart Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Does anyone else have a problem with there MM's and jealousy... my MM freaks if I am around certain people or I want to hang out with certain guys, granted he does know that one of them likes me but I have talked to this certain person and he knows my situation, there is nothing sexual/love wise going on with these males but he still freaks, he acted like a 2 year old stomping around and slamming doors when I said who I was going out with one night...I have never given him a reason not to trust me and I don't get it, I don't pitch a fit when he goes home so what right does he have to do the same to me? I think there is jealousy with "people" period. You have been marked as his territory basically. Women do this also. FTR, I have seen cases where the MM/MW could have cared less what the S was doing and more interested in the AP.
alexandria35 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 HELLO!!!!!! Doesn't anyone else see the RED FLAGS here??????? This "jealousy" and his behavior is NOT about LOVE. It IS about CONTROL, and is a VERY GOOD INDICATOR of someone who will turn ABUSIVE. I work with troubled teens. I have the manuals. I have first-hand experience, both personal and through others' relationships. And this man doesn't even have the excuse of being a teenager. This is NOT how a stable, emotionally healthy adult deals with their fears. I agree wholeheartedly with fog. Unprovoked angry outbursts of jealousy have nothing to do with love. It doesn't mean you are special or loved when your mm has jealous temper tantrums, it means that he is abusive and controlling. I suspect he treats his wife the same way as well as any other women in his life. He will tell you he acts that way because he loves you but that is a total lie. He is the one who is married and has 2 women at his beck and call, yet he has the nerve to question your loyalty to him. I had a long term relationship with a guy that was overly possesive and jealous. He wasn't a married man but he had double standards. He was allowed all of the female attention he wanted but I wasn't to even say a polite hello to another man and he would have angry fits about it. Early on I felt loved and flattered by his jealousy, thought it meant he really really cared about me and that I was special to him. I was such a dummy. After several years I realized that he didn't even regard me as a human being, he was all about objectifying the women in his life and he had been abusive to every woman he had ever been with. OP the jealousy and anger combined with the hypocrisy of his being married makes this guy sound like bad news all the way around.
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