BritishChic Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I am writing this thread seeking advice to help me cope and get through a tough time. I feel as if I have been on the threshold of an emotional breakdown for some time, but I have days where I feel strong. Let me start from the beginning. 2 1/2 months ago, I broke up with my fiance of 10 years. It was a relationship that I was comfortable in but not happy. I loved him, I just wasn't in love with him. I realized this when I met another man back in the Summer of 2009 and fell in love with the other man. That emotional affair ended very poorly and I was hurt very deeply. My fiance and I tried to make it work, but I realized that I could not be with a man when I had feelings for another. I finally, after a year decided to break up with my fiance for the better; because I felt that he deserved a shot at true happiness and the same with myself. At the time of my break up (end of August), my fiance and I had just signed a lease. Also, a year ago we had a miscarriage. It's been a very stressful year for myself. I moved back in with my parents after my break up and sold all of my furniture (I thought that getting rid of everything my ex and I had would be a great way to a fresh, clean slate...) I am 28 years old and I heavily depressed somedays. Some days I wake up and feel great not knowing where my life will be. But other days I feel lost and alone, very alone. I feel as if I have noone and due to my age all of my friends are married with children or have significant others. I am, when I go out, the third wheel constantly. Although I have been single for only 2 1/2 months, I have been emotionally unhappy for years. All I want is to be in a relationship that is mutual. I honestly feel as if I have never been in love with someone who has been in love with me in return. I feel very alone; I feel as if there is something wrong with me and I feel as if maybe I am destined to be alone. All I have wanted for the past 5 years is a family, to be a mom. I tried with my fiance, but I had to listen to my feelings of not feeling a 100%. Believe it or not, my fiance and I actually took a five month break, five years ago. I went back to him because I believed, after many failed dates, that there wasn't anything better for me out there. I know this might sound crazy, but I am a good woman with a huge heart. I honest, genuine and reliable. Yet I always get into prospective situations with new guys where they a. stand me up...I cant tell you how many times I have been cold cut stood up..b. fake their interest in me to blow me off later c. just string me along.. I am at a point where I am scared, thinking that I will never meet anyone or be happy. I know I am going to receive, the typical 'focus on yourself it will happen when you are not looking for it', but I feel as I am always looking for it, conciously and subconciously...I am determined to prove the pessimissitic voice in my head that there is a 'happy fulfilling relationship' out there for me. But seriously?! 28 years and nada yet. I would greatly appreciate coping mechanisms/advice..I feel very alone. I sit upstairs mostly by myself or go out and end up being the 3rd wheel.
Fouts Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 You're putting alot of pressure on yourself to be with Mr Right. First off, MOST people in relationships right now are bored and unhappy, but, like you and your ex-fiance, they are just hanging on out of comfort. You took a big step to leave that comfort zone and go out on your own. It's alot better than being in a relationship or marriage that you know you don't want to be in the rest of your life, isn't it? It takes time, alot of time, to find that true person you love, who actually loves you back. Be patient and enjoy dating and doing single girl things, have alot of fun until you do find someone where it clicks for both of you. You're just stuck in a negative mindset right now, but that's OK, because you've been through alot. It'll be better and funner !
strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 My heart aches for you right now. I have been there and I know it's not a friendly place to be. May I offer some coping suggestions that helps me when I feel lonely? Acknowledge the solitude and EMBRACE it! Close your eyes and take deep breaths. Stop your brain from thinking and just breathe. Focus on your breathing, your beating heart, and just FEEL being alive. Embrace your solitude. Make sure you realize that no one is there to make demands on how you act, feel, speak, walk, etc. Put on some cheesy a** music and dance to it in your undies. No one is going to laugh at you for looking ridiculous. Embrace that. Take a walk through a park. Watch the birds. Watch other people. Watch the grass blow in the wind. Watch the leaves fly away. Enjoy the beautiful colors that the world is painted with. Volunteer within your community. Help others that are less fortunate than you. This will do great things for you self asteem. BASICALLY, LOVE YOURSELF! There is nothing wrong with it. Trust this. That which you seek will come to you when you are ready. Good luck and God speed.
marcs Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 you are not alone, im a 28 yr old guy coming out of a 5 year relationship. Lost all of my friends and unemployed in between jobs. I totally know what your going through. On top of that I was the one that blew it in our relationship, with a girl with certain qualities I know deep down that I will never find in anyone else and im a perfectionist. Very hard to be optimistic at the moment. I really dont know how im gonna get through this. lonely is an understatement. Two quotes from fight club are helping me at the moment: "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. " "Only after disaster can we be resurrected"
strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 you are not alone, im a 28 yr old guy coming out of a 5 year relationship. Lost all of my friends and unemployed in between jobs. I totally know what your going through. On top of that I was the one that blew it in our relationship, with a girl with certain qualities I know deep down that I will never find in anyone else and im a perfectionist. Very hard to be optimistic at the moment. I really dont know how im gonna get through this. lonely is an understatement. Two quotes from fight club are helping me at the moment: "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. " "Only after disaster can we be resurrected" Great quotes dude. Live by them. You have been knocked down by that fickle b****, Life. Now, how are you going to handle it? Pick your a** up of the ground, wipe your pants off, and start kicking the crap out of Life. We at LS have faith in you dude. Good luck
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