Omei Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I am pained so very very much, me and my SO have not had a good month, our contact amount remains the same but our communication is rapidly dwindling, our fights are more frequent and the distance stress is taking its toll on us very much esp me. Every second day feel like we're on a make up day for the day before, we're fighting about stupid tiny things and he says "we're fine we're fine" as a couple but to me, it feels like we're hanging on by a thread. I hope xmas comes fast because so we can be together maybe it will refresh us as a couple? Idk, I hope so. I don't think he feels like we're ending but it feels like we are to me, I don't want it to end nor do I feel I cannot go on, The warmth of us seems to be drifting away I am very scared. How do I get back to the care free me of our relationship. Guys always strike me as these "Everything is fine" creatures all the way until the very moment they are done, I am scared. Maybe this is a Phase maybe im being paranoid. But its deff been a bad month
skydiveaddict Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 It's hard to tell what's really going on in an LDR isn't it? I thought everything was fine but when I got back home whoosh! She was gone. I hope things work out for you.
LisaLee Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 What exactly are you guys fighting about? A part of me also always feels like my LDR is on the brink, but the realistic side of me knows otherwise. I blame a lot on the distance which adds to my insecurities.
Author Omei Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Just fighting about any thing in general, distance, us, what we think is right or wrong for a perfect example woman are worse drives than men, I did not agree and a stupid thing like that will escalate. We haven't spent any time together today an about an hour ago he said he was home and just came on to say I love you but hes going to go back out with more friends instead of seeing me tonight because he needed a night to himself. I don't get why he had to log on and tell me this why didn't he just stay out and have me think he has not returned yet? Hes never pulled the I need distance thing in the 2 years we've been together I am worried.
LittleTiger Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Although LDRs are super tough and have their own unique challenges, I think there are certain things that are no different from normal relationships. A breakdown in communication signals that there's an issue, whether its from a distance or face to face. If you're not getting along for any significant period (more than a few days), either in real life, or over the phone/skype etc then something is wrong and it needs addressing. In LDRs communication is clearly different from RL so the trick is to learn how to communicate effectively within the limits of that relationship. Obviously I don't know how you guys communicate but have you considered writing him a letter/email, just letting him know how concerned you are and that you'd really like to work it out - whatever it is? Also make it very clear what you think is going on and come up with some suggestions on how you might put it right. You don't have to be specific if you're not sure - 'communication breakdown' is enough (if that's what it is) but do make sure it's something he can relate to so he can either agree or disagree and therefore open up a constructive discussion. Even if you think the issue is all at his end, don't say so. Take equal responsibility for both the problem and for the solution. I know you will have 'talked' about it already but if things haven't improved that way then a different method is needed. Men are usually more visual than auditory and sometimes it's easier to get your point across to them if you write it down. Fighting all the time is not a good sign. However, if you can keep things going until you see next see each other in person, you'll be able to get more idea of what he's thinking when you are actually with him. I agree that men can pretend things are fine and then drop a bombshell on you - that's exactly what my ex-husband did - and it's so much easier to do in an LDR. I wouldn't be too despondent though. It could just be a rough patch or maybe he's under more stress than usual. To me, his coming online to tell you he was going out could be viewed as a good thing. He's letting you know that, although he has plans for the night, he hasn't forgotten about you.
Author Omei Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 I wouldn't be too despondent though. It could just be a rough patch or maybe he's under more stress than usual. To me, his coming online to tell you he was going out could be viewed as a good thing. He's letting you know that, although he has plans for the night, he hasn't forgotten about you. I asked and it was that, that was nice of him. Thanks for the reply I think we spend TOO much time together cam/skype and we were just getting annoyed with each other since halloween is here I have been busy with my kid, him with his friends and our fighting seemed to have halted from having that space.
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