Div Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 So I've recently decided to give online dating a try. Made a nice profile put up a few good pics. Then went through some matches and requested contact. I usually choose the option "I just want to be friends with you", because essentially all I want is some female company since my last breakup. (And possibly further if it feels right). Occassionally I get accepted but then often i get the "XXXX has not accepted your contact request". This hurts me a bit and begin to think, what is possibly wrong with me that someone wouldnt even want a conversation with me as a friend? It's the equivalent of being given the cold shoulder when someones says Hi to you. I wanna know, guys - do you ever feel bad when this happens? girls - any reasons why you wouldnt even give a guy a chance to talk? I've had self-esteem and confidence issues throughout my life and thought that meeting new people would help to resolve some of this, but if people dont even want to get to know me how can i do that?
jerbear Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 You are on a dating site not a friendship or activity site. The women would view that as a ploy to start as friends then relationship. They know better. People are on the site for long term relationships. If you want to be friends, start with Meetup for friends and use online dating for relationship seeking people.
SunsetRed Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I'm having the same issue. I joined Plenty of Fish so that I could get out of my house and stop focusing on my ex. Problem is, I don't really want to focus on anyone else either..I just want a distraction. As for not responding to emails and contacts, I don't respond to everyone who contacts me. Everyone of those guys wants my phone # and I don't want a bunch of phone calls and messages to sort through. I don't have time to date each and every person who contacts me. I've been told that if you're going to do the online dating thing, you have to be serious about it and treat it like a job. Get to know as many people as possible and see if there's a spark. Eww. I don't have the energy for that. My spark has been drained out of me as a result of getting dumped. I think I will find a new hobby besides online dating. I need friends, not dates.
Author Div Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I agree. The rejection from the breakup is enough without having to deal with heaps of rejections from other women WHO HAVENT EVEN GOT TO KNOW YOU
tkgirl Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I agree. The rejection from the breakup is enough without having to deal with heaps of rejections from other women WHO HAVENT EVEN GOT TO KNOW YOU online dating is definitely not for the faint of heart! rejection is bound to happen (to most anyways) and you either got to roll with it or get off the site. If the main reason you are on there is to help get over a break-up then it will most likely backfire and you'll probably end up missing your ex even more... just some FYI!
reservoirdog1 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I agree. The rejection from the breakup is enough without having to deal with heaps of rejections from other women WHO HAVENT EVEN GOT TO KNOW YOU Exactly -- they haven't gotten to know you, they know nothing about you other than your profile -- which is why you SHOULDN'T be hurt if they "reject" you. They're not rejecting you; they're simply choosing not to respond based on your "sales pitch" of yourself. Secondly -- most women on dating sites get a TON of messages, smiles, flirts, winks, etc. Far more than a reasonable person could be expected to sift through. Which probably means that they give a LOT of the people who initiate contact nothing more than a cursory glance. You need to grow a slightly thicker skin, and not take it personally AT ALL. At least until there's been some person-to-person contact.
LittleTiger Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 This is normal on dating sites. It happens to everyone at some point. Whilst you may only be looking for friendship, most of the people on the site aren't - they're looking for a partner. That fact alone will cause some people to say 'no' to talking with you. They're not looking for a new friend, they probably have limited time to communicate online, so they need to be selective and will therefore only chat with people they consider prospective partners. Plus, a partner has to be somebody who is a good match for them. The best relationships are between two people who are well matched - similar values, beliefs, goals, hobbies in common etc AND someone who they consider the right age, social or marital status etc. Unfortunately, just because you think they're a good match for you doesn't mean they think you're a good match for them. It has to be a mutual thing. You can't take it personally, because it isn't personal. As you say, they don't even know you, so you can be 100% sure it's not personal. If you're really just looking for friends try a more 'friends only' related site. If you're looking for friends with the possibility of more then stick with it. Some people will always say no - that's just the way life is.
OceanGirl Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Simple. I am not on there to make friends. I got enough friends. For me a guy that is looking to be friends first or wants to be friends as a distraction from a break up is a complete WASTE OF TIME.
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