AndrewG Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I've been in a LDR with this girl for a year and almost 6 months now. I, undoubtedly, am in love with her, and would like to say the same for her. Recently though.. I'm unsure of what to do. I've read many mixed opinions on what my situation can really mean.. Anyways, here it is. My GF, recently, told me that she wants to take a break. I was really afraid when she said this.. we've discussed it before, but now it's a reality. This is the 3rd day we've been on a 'break' and it's killing me. What I don't understand is that.. she says she still loves me and wants to be with me, marry me, and be with me forever; I didn't want to take a break, but she told me that there's no other guy, and that she's not going to date, she just wants a little break. Problem is, I really dont want to just leave her be for a while.. me and her have texted/talked on the phone almost every chance we get, even during school etc, so I feel dead inside right now. We still text like we would while we were dating, not like saying the same things, but we text just as much; also, we've said that we love each other a few times. I've read tons of responses about this situation saying that I should just give her some space/time, as being too obsessive about it can completely ruin the relationship. If I knew for sure it was a true "break", without her dating anyone else and just a time to give her some space, I would be fine; but I don't. I've also read that the whole "break" thing is just an excuse to either let someone down without feeling as guilty, or to keep a backup whom you may still have feelings for. I've talked to her about it, I even told her that if she was just taking this "break" to not hurt me as much, to tell me, because if she was doing it for that reason, it would hurt so much more; she told me that she really does love me, and that its just temporary, although to me that sounds like it could really be an indefinite period of time. Any opinions? Feel free to criticize.
bl22 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Trust me when i say 'A break' means theres someone else involved. Don't become needy, prepare yourself for the worst, go NC...it's your only chance.
MalachXaviel Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 You can't read her mind (and if you could, it'd probably confuse you more) so theorizing about "why" she's doing it will get you no where. You can either give her the space she wants and hope it pays off, or you can tell her how you feel, say you want to get back together, if she says no, then tell her you want to just break up. (if you go that route, make sure it's YOU that does the breaking up, not her; don't ask her what she wants). When women say "obsessive" they usually don't mean it literally. It's the 24/7 'Lovie Dovey-ness' that can get on people's nerves. Try not to be over-sensitive if you can help it. It's a character flaw all hopeless romantics have to deal with.
Author AndrewG Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Well Bl22, she has cheated on me before. But that was a while back, and I know she was being sincere when she told me how much she regretted it. Things have been a lot better since then. I'd like to tell myself that there is no one else, but I really don't know. And thanks Malach, I think all I can really do is wait and see. Our "1 year 6 month" is in two days, and she's sure to think about it all day as well; hopefully she'll come to realize she misses me or something. But I'll do my best to not get my hopes up.
Don Ho Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I've been in a LDR with this girl for a year and almost 6 months now. Problem is, I really dont want to just leave her be for a while.. me and her have texted/talked on the phone almost every chance we get, even during school etc, so I feel dead inside right now. We still text like we would while we were dating, not like saying the same things, but we text just as much; also, we've said that we love each other a few times. There's the first problem Bro. It's an LDR. That has it's own huge issues built into it. Because of the distance, you have NO idea what she is really up to or doing. Second problem: she may love you, but by her actions she's making it clear she's no longer "in love with you" anymore. You stated, "I, undoubtedly, am in love with her, and would like to say the same for her". It NEVER matters how much YOU love them or want them it's aways about how THEY feel about YOU. Third problem: your acting obsessive already and not willing to accept that she maybe (or is) moving on. This will ruin any chance you have of keeping it together. Ever heard the song "Hold on Loosely"? Fourth problem: you are continuing contact with her after she told you that she wants a break. WTF are you thinking? When a woman says "break" it means back the &%@ off!! You think you're going to lose her by cutting contact and I'm telling you you're going to push her away by continuing contact. Sorry Bro, but I think the writing is on the wall. When a woman says she wants a break it means "I no longer have the same feelings for you and I'm trying to build up the courage to dump you soon". I know this is tough and you won't see it this way, but you need to bail out now. She's going to dump you sooner than later. It's best to cut off your toe now than your foot later. Get it ?
Author AndrewG Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 (edited) Sure LDRs have their problems and you may not always know what the other person is doing, but I trust her in that aspect. The problem with that is, I've asked her several times if this is permanent or if she still loves me and wants to be with me. Each time I've said "if you're just trying to break up with me without hurting me, then tell me." and she insists each time she wants to be with me. This I agree with, I am acting obsessively. I've definitely cut down on this since the past two days. And well, for this; I admit, I did leave out some information. Yesterday she texted me asking if we could text like we would while we were dating. Not the same content, but the same frequency. She initiates contact with me almost just as much, so it's not like I'm messaging her twice a minute waiting all day for a response. She also asked me to sleep with her on the phone, like we would do every night while we were "dating". But thanks for the reply, any are appreciated. Edited October 29, 2010 by AndrewG
Don Ho Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Bro, she's just stringing you along and using you. I don't care when she tells you. I'm telling you when a woman says she wants a "break" it signals danger and she will end up dumping you when she finds another guy or musters the courage. Sounds like you just don't want to hear what I'm telling you. Go ahead, text her, go to sleep with her on the phone like a good little bitch and you will end up getting dumped anyway and be pissed you looked and acted like a pussy.
Author AndrewG Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Bro, she's just stringing you along and using you. I don't care when she tells you. I'm telling you when a woman says she wants a "break" it signals danger and she will end up dumping you when she finds another guy or musters the courage. Sounds like you just don't want to hear what I'm telling you. Go ahead, text her, go to sleep with her on the phone like a good little bitch and you will end up getting dumped anyway and be pissed you looked and acted like a pussy. Just because every time a girl has told you she wanted a break it meant break-up doesn't mean that's how it is every time for every person. There are people who go on successful "breaks", LDR or not. Maybe you're right, maybe I will get hurt, maybe I will look like a "pussy bitch", or maybe I won't. Thanks for the consideration though.
iamawesome Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Bro, Don Ho is right. There is very little chance of fixing this. Start picking up the pieces and keep your dignity.
Don Ho Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Just because every time a girl has told you she wanted a break it meant break-up doesn't mean that's how it is every time for every person. There are people who go on successful "breaks", LDR or not. Maybe you're right, maybe I will get hurt, maybe I will look like a "pussy bitch", or maybe I won't.Thanks for the consideration though. Really, it doesn't? Someone sounds pissy. Makes no difference to me. Ok. Well keep us posted and let us know which way it goes.
bl22 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I'm sorry but I've never found a relaltionship that has survived the 'break' time. Maybe if you both totally move on and few years down the line happen to see each other again, then maybe you can start fresh...but right now, the truth hurts but its happened to me and everyone giving you advice right here. I refused to believe it myself thinking my relationship was an exception...tried a break, few weeks later we're broken up and shes with someone else.
Banega100 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 yeah i asked my ex is this a break or break up, and THANKFULLY she had the balls to say it was a break up. Sadly, soon to be ex doesnt, or she has low integrity and wishes to have you hanging around whilst she finds some one new. Either way, calmly withdraw yourself from the running here. Dignity is the only thing you have left and saying 'it would hurt me more if... bla' lost a little bit, didnt it?
Author AndrewG Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 yeah i asked my ex is this a break or break up, and THANKFULLY she had the balls to say it was a break up. Sadly, soon to be ex doesnt, or she has low integrity and wishes to have you hanging around whilst she finds some one new. Either way, calmly withdraw yourself from the running here. Dignity is the only thing you have left and saying 'it would hurt me more if... bla' lost a little bit, didnt it? You know, I wish mine would have had the balls to say that. I don't think she's going to date anyone else, but she apparently doesn't want to be with me yet. Todays our "anniversary", and she called me when she woke up. I was trying to just talk as friends and she started calling herself stupid saying she hurt me, etc. I basically told her "Well, I love you. And you know I want to be with you. If you change your mind, you know how to contact me." and now we're going NC.
Don Ho Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I basically told her "Well, I love you. And you know I want to be with you. If you change your mind, you know how to contact me." and now we're going NC. No offense Bro, but I don't know why you say all that to a woman that says she wants a break.
bl22 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 (edited) Yeah very true you made a mistake there. If she thinks you will always be there when she clicks her fingers, when is she going to want you? Never, because its just too easy. She can now do whatever she wants with whoever she wants then have the luxury of when she gets bored, you are there for her...when that will be, no idea...could be years, in the meantime she'll have probably met someone else. What she needs to know is that you arent waiting for her, that your moving on with yourself and being the best you that you can be. Girls always think the grass is greener eventually, if you are on that otherside and your moving on....deffo greener. If your on the other side and she knows your sat there, miserable, waiting, alone, lonely, depressed....she will never come back. Women like to view men as strong masculine and fearless. It makes them feel good when they get us, if you act needy weak and full of fear, they wont want you in a million years. Edited October 30, 2010 by bl22 spelling mistake
Author AndrewG Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 (edited) Guess I ****ed up then. In any case, she just texted me with a frown face after my name, and now she's calling my phone. So, apparently, it's working anyways. >.> EDIT: Now she texted a crying face. Edited October 30, 2010 by AndrewG
Don Ho Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 That's ok, we all make mistakes. LOL. She text you? Funny. She realizes you're not letting her have her cake and eat it too! DO NOT respond. If at some point you have to, tell her you're confused and you need to think about stuff!
bl22 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Guess I ****ed up then. In any case, she just texted me with a frown face after my name, and now she's calling my phone. So, apparently, it's working anyways. >.> EDIT: Now she texted a crying face. you're making all the mistakes i made. trust me just leave her alone, its hard as hell but theres no chance for you 2 right now. only chance you have is long term i.e many months/years from now when you are both in a better place. do anymore and she will remember you in a bad light and youl force her away.
Author AndrewG Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 you're making all the mistakes i made. trust me just leave her alone, its hard as hell but theres no chance for you 2 right now. only chance you have is long term i.e many months/years from now when you are both in a better place. do anymore and she will remember you in a bad light and youl force her away. As of now, I'm not doing anything. She's trying to contact me but I'm ignoring her. She just texted me again saying "Please text me ):"
bl22 Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 As of now, I'm not doing anything. She's trying to contact me but I'm ignoring her. She just texted me again saying "Please text me ):" she did that with me for about week before she went off with someone else. as soon as i told her to leave me alone it was 'please dont do this to us!! please ring me!! ' etc etc i didnt know what to do, i would ring her then id say i want to work things out, she'd feed me excuses. this went on for 7 days. so confusing. this sounds so simarlar to my situation. i honestly dont know what to recomend you here, whenevr my ex said please txt me i did and it would lead nowhere. i wish i would have just said something like 'I dont need this anymore, good luck' then go NC
Author AndrewG Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 she did that with me for about week before she went off with someone else. as soon as i told her to leave me alone it was 'please dont do this to us!! please ring me!! ' etc etc i didnt know what to do, i would ring her then id say i want to work things out, she'd feed me excuses. this went on for 7 days. so confusing. this sounds so simarlar to my situation. i honestly dont know what to recomend you here, whenevr my ex said please txt me i did and it would lead nowhere. i wish i would have just said something like 'I dont need this anymore, good luck' then go NC Well thank you for your posts, every bit of advice/experience helps. I'm sorry about what happened in your situation, I hope mine works out okay.
Banega100 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 That's ok, we all make mistakes. LOL. She text you? Funny. She realizes you're not letting her have her cake and eat it too! DO NOT respond. If at some point you have to, tell her you're confused and you need to think about stuff! Haha, 'im confused', this is exactly what you have to do bro. But do not comply with her and contact her unless you have no choice.
Author AndrewG Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 (edited) Well yesterday, right before I was about to go to bed, she sent me a picture message. In the description she put "Your my world you know that )....:" (crying face, in case you didn't guess), and a picture that says "I miss you" twice, with a heart around it. Then as I was almost falling asleep, she kept calling me and left me a voicemail. I went to listen to it. I figured if I called my voicemail to listen to it, she could call and see that I did have my phone and was just ignoring her. Anyways, she basically said "oh I need you, I need you right now please talk to me" etc., so I turned my phone off and went to sleep. I feel really bad about it though. :\ EDIT: What is the point in which I give in and talk to her? I can't tell if she's trying to get me back or unconsciously stringing me along still. Or, which words am I looking to hear from her besides "I want to get back together with you", because I doubt that she's going to be the one re initiating our relationship if it does indeed happen. Edited November 1, 2010 by AndrewG
bl22 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Well yesterday, right before I was about to go to bed, she sent me a picture message. In the description she put "Your my world you know that )....:" (crying face, in case you didn't guess), and a picture that says "I miss you" twice, with a heart around it. Then as I was almost falling asleep, she kept calling me and left me a voicemail. I went to listen to it. I figured if I called my voicemail to listen to it, she could call and see that I did have my phone and was just ignoring her. Anyways, she basically said "oh I need you, I need you right now please talk to me" etc., so I turned my phone off and went to sleep. I feel really bad about it though. :\ EDIT: What is the point in which I give in and talk to her? I can't tell if she's trying to get me back or unconsciously stringing me along still. Or, which words am I looking to hear from her besides "I want to get back together with you", because I doubt that she's going to be the one re initiating our relationship if it does indeed happen. Thats the problem here, you dont know if they mean it or theyre gonna drop you the minute you say 'i want you back too' which is what mine did. Dont discuss anything else over the phone or txting. If you do plan to take the risk and see what she has to say, it has to be in person. Prepare yourself for the worst, and if she says she doesnt want to carry on then act cool. dont freak out, just say thats fine, good luck for the future. and leave it at that, any freaking out or neediness will only make her remember you badly. seems like she wants attention though, thats all. the minute she gets it it feels like she will go bk to how she was 'confused'
Author AndrewG Posted November 1, 2010 Author Posted November 1, 2010 Thats the problem here, you dont know if they mean it or theyre gonna drop you the minute you say 'i want you back too' which is what mine did. Dont discuss anything else over the phone or txting. If you do plan to take the risk and see what she has to say, it has to be in person. Prepare yourself for the worst, and if she says she doesnt want to carry on then act cool. dont freak out, just say thats fine, good luck for the future. and leave it at that, any freaking out or neediness will only make her remember you badly. seems like she wants attention though, thats all. the minute she gets it it feels like she will go bk to how she was 'confused' Hopefully that's not the case. Well, I've never once seen her in person. I actually met her off of Xbox live, we planned on meeting once we both finish our senior year of high school (this year). Yeah, she probably does want attention. She always needed it while we were dating; if I didn't text her for three minutes she would get mad at me. I didn't mind it though. Funny thing though, ever since this "break", if I give her attention and then ignore her once she responds, it seems to make her miss me even more.
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