Gt.ooh Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 So lately, I've been very, very slowly trying to heal, but there's some things that are just not allowing the healing process to continue. She was nice as she could be in the beginning and we still chatted. I pushed, she changed her number for school reasons(but I never got the new one), and deleted me off of facebook. She sent me a cold, so cold email..After everything I had done. Moved across the country, got us into a new condo, the list goes on. I can't make any progress whatsoever. Her mom msgs me on facebook, and she doesn't know what to tell me. She was shocked. She's been trying to help me along. So what I'm getting at is. I've almost accepted the break-up, but I just don't understand why she is so cold. I just want to send an email and maybe give me a better understanding: Dear M, I want you to be happy with or without me. With that being said my happiness is being obstructed. I just want you to be honest with me and speak your mind..we've been apart for a month and a half and I'm sure you've given some thought to this whole thing. I just want to know what your take is, why things went south, and what I need to work on as a person. I understand you have a lot of unknowns after school and didn't know if I fit in. So I want to hear, and I need to hear your take. Please just be brutally honest.. if you wanted to date other people, anything...even I don't know, as I can't force an answer. I just want something. I'm doing my best to move forward, and it's been really hard not knowing why your so angry. I'll admit I haven't been the best space giver, however it's only because I care and had a lot to lose. I wish you well, and hope school is going good. C. "You are trying to understand girls (you are young) and that, my friend, is impossible. They don't understand themselves." I've heard this so much since the break-up...friends family...she's 21 I'm 23. Do I bother with sending a non-threatening sincere email, or am I wasting my precious mental thought process? It just doesn't go away and I'd like to at least attempt an answer...worst case she doesn't reply and I know she is just not worth any more of my time as I did nothing but give all I had and more for her.
bl22 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Seriously don't bother. I asked this question not to long ago, I'm in exatly your position. Things were amazing for 2 years then she went totally cold on me this month then told me she has feelings for someone else. Her mum txtd me saying how much she liked me and that she hopes to see me again one day and that its a mistake what shes doing. I considered sending a sincere letter to her (plus gifts for her birthday) BAD IDEA. It sounds to me like shes got someone else in mind or has cheated or is considering it. Girls only go severely cold on you when that happens. It's like they cant be themselves anymore because they're considering the posibility of someone else. Either that of you've done something majorly wrong to her (which i dont think is the case) The only small possiblity of you ever getting her back or gaining any kind of answers in the future will be cold hard no contact. Send that email and you look desperate, needy and WEAK. 3 things that will push any woman away, doesnt matter how nice a person you are or how good looking you are...become them 3 things and theyl push you away. However, go no contact and that the only possilbility of her missing you and realising what kind of relationship you had. You will appear strong and she may eventually view you as the person she fell for. It will be tough as hell but its the truth, ive learned the hard way and im goin NC right now.
strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 GT DO. NOT. SEND. THAT. EMAIL! BL22 is right. IF, and I stress IF, she has any intentions of coming back, it will not be because of that email. If anything it will push her away and solidify her reasons for dropping the hatchet on you. IMO, NC is the only way to handle this situation with her. However, NC is not used as a tactic for reconcilitation. but a method for YOU to move on. Sometimes it works to lure someone back and sometimes it doesn't. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. If it's closure you want, wait for a couple months to get it. In the meantime, go NC and work on yourself. Hit the gym and beef up. Find some new clothes. When you decide to get the closure, look your best and smile. Good luck and God speed.
D-Lish Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Don't send it, you'll regret it later. You cannot rely on another person to give you closure. Most people don't realize that true closure comes from within. You only send a letter like that with the expectation of a response. I am sure you already have an expectation of that response which is a fantasy you've created in order to provide closure for yourself. I guarantee that you won't get the response that meets your expectations. Don't send it. Writing it is cathartic- sending it is an invitation for further heartache.
Author Gt.ooh Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Wow, thanks guys. I knew I should have posted and given a peek at what I think I was going to write. I need to hear it from the people that have been there and done that.. let me show you guys the email she wrote me: There is nothing left to "explain". Don't use the condo as an excuse to talk to me ever again. I have no interest in you, therefore there is nothing to talk about when it comes to you or i. As far as "clearing things up for everyone involved". They only reason that my family is now involved is due to your bad judgement. You need to grow up and get over this. Were done. I don't want to talk, I don't want to be friends. Nothing will ever happen between us. Stop dragging this on. I can't make this anymore clear to you. Don't hold your breath on the phone call. It's not going to happen. What I have a hard time understanding is...she has all the pictures of us still on FB..if she's this cold would those not be some of the first things to go, or at least 1.5 months into the break-up? I just don't get it. Pretty harsh words, but at the same time sounds like she just wanted to be left alone, and had to be harsh.
strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Dude, it's plain and obvious as sunshine. You two are finished I'm sorry to say. The reason she has not updated her FB is because SHE HAS NOT GOTTEN TO IT YET! Trust me, it will happen sooner or later. Good luck and God speed.
bl22 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Trust me when I say there is someone else involved which you dont know about. 9/10 when women speak to you like **** like shes done out of the blue, its there own guilt being fired onto the easiest target....which is you. Happens everytime, its like if they can aim there anger elsewhere rather than themselves, they feel less guilty because they have someone to blame. Move on, be happy.
Author Gt.ooh Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I'm pretty sure it's her ex.. What a low of the low moves to make me move across the country, get my parents to co-sign for the condo, and my furniture is there..danget I sure wish I took it.. now the bed I paid for is being used..not by me. I'm getting to a point where I just don't care. I want to just get it confirmed..because I'm sure her family doesn't know as they don't like the guy, she got a restraining order against him.. so I can reveal her true colors and then say F*** you. and forget about the furniture and everything. She's been delayed on her contact with her family, and her FB there's not a lot going on. It's pointing the big finger in the direction of complete betrayal...however what if I'm wrong and look like a fool.. I know everyone says just forget about it.. just a lot easier said than done, and I just feel like there is unfinished business that I'd love to close the book on..
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