strength-abounds Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I'm relatively new to LS so forgive me if this thread has been beaten already. Why do the dumpers in a relationship come back after they already stomped on the heart of the dumpee?
Ajax Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Probably a lot of it has to do with ego. They want to know that they still have you as an option should they change their mind or can't find anyone better. I believe that in many cases (not all) dumpers don't comprehend the damage that they did, or if they do they get off on it. They don't understand how long it takes for you to get over them. They figure that since the relationship didn't mean that much to them that it shouldn't take that long for you to get past it. Or, if they do know they hurt you, they feel safe in thinking that you'll always be there for them in case they need a boyfriend/girlfriend quick. And if the dumpee isn't over them it becomes a tempting prospect.
Author strength-abounds Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 I had an EXGF come back ONE TIME. Dumb**s me accepted her back and ended marrying it, only to find out the reason we split the first time is the same reason we divorced. Once again, dumb**s me. Never again though. I have learned never to be Plan B.
OpenBook Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Why do the dumpers in a relationship come back after they already stomped on the heart of the dumpee? I guess they figure if we're stupid enough to put up with them the first time around, we'll do it again. It rocks their world when they find a completely different story upon their return.
alittlejaded Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 This seems to be the million dollar question, huh? Wish I knew...
naleylove23 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 because they are vulnerable and want to know that they are still wanted by that person to either come back to them when they cant find anybody else or string them along. sometimes people breakup then the person who did it comes back maybe because they didnt realize what they had til it was gone but if you think about it... if you really like someone why would you break up with them? wouldnt you want to keep them all to yourself and not share them? those are my thoughts....
Leandro Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 because they are vulnerable and want to know that they are still wanted by that person to either come back to them when they cant find anybody else or string them along. sometimes people breakup then the person who did it comes back maybe because they didnt realize what they had til it was gone but if you think about it... if you really like someone why would you break up with them? wouldnt you want to keep them all to yourself and not share them? those are my thoughts.... that is exactly what I believe.
coltsfan1 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 this is a very complicated question, and I believe that it varies based on the person. Some want to feed their ego, some realize that they made a bad decision, others are just bored! just my .02..
Ajax Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I think there are some people who will end an otherwise good relationship with someone just for the sake of the drama it causes. And then a few weeks or months later come back because it creates that much more drama. You see breakups and reconciliations all the time in movies and TV, and I think some people, especially younger people, actually do try to emulate that. Some people actually get a kick out of the emotional rollercoaster and the attention they get from people around them.
Author strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I think there are some people who will end an otherwise good relationship with someone just for the sake of the drama it causes. And then a few weeks or months later come back because it creates that much more drama. You see breakups and reconciliations all the time in movies and TV, and I think some people, especially younger people, actually do try to emulate that. Some people actually get a kick out of the emotional rollercoaster and the attention they get from people around them. Ajax, if what you say has bearing; and, understanding that people live by a pattern; I can expect the emotionally charged and unstable ExW to show up at my door in the future. GREAT! Can't wait! (just puked in my mouth).
bleeg Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 This is different for every situation. I find most people on this forum are negative and bitter so I wouldn't really take anything to heart. It can range from boredom to them realizing what they really had.
freeshrink Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 I believe that in many cases (not all) dumpers don't comprehend the damage that they did I concur, wholeheartedly. Some dumpers have never experienced a calamitous breakup in which they were dumped unexpectedly; therefore, they can not relate. This is the major reason reconciliation is so difficult, and the success stories are so rare. If a second chance is proposed by the dumper, then the dumpee should demand that the dumper experience some pain; unfortunately, often the dumpee often jumps right back into the mix without hesitation. Make these dumpers work for it, damnit! Let the dumper jump through hoops and hurdles!
SadGirl23 Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 like when you don't really want something, you don't care for it or want to get it? so you find something else you want.. same with exes.. there over the relationship.. don't care anymore to want it anymore.. and they move on to something else.. i see it this way.. some people don't value friendship, love/relationships quite seriously.. i don't know how they do it.. its like they were in the relationship for the "fun" but not to actually "settle down".. and those be the ones that move on so fast.. now abusive relationships are another story.. but falling in and out of love and all that jazz is BS.. if you can fall in love, then fall out, why not try to fall back in love.. dumpers uses too many excuses fake as$ muthaf%ckers!
TLCbear Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 Why do the dumpers in a relationship come back after they already stomped on the heart of the dumpee A few reasons come to mind. Most want to see if they still got you, some want to see if you're over them, some have regretted their decision, and some are drunk and bored at that time. If you really want to know your ex intentions, just pay attention to words and actions. It's not that hard...if someone is genunine, it will show.
coltsfan1 Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 @ TLCbear that is so true and it really hits home.. I was told all kind of things but in the end she left and has been really acting bad!!
skydiveaddict Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I'm relatively new to LS so forgive me if this thread has been beaten already. Why do the dumpers in a relationship come back after they already stomped on the heart of the dumpee? To relieve their guilt
freeshrink Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 but falling in and out of love and all that jazz is BS.. if you can fall in love, then fall out, why not try to fall back in love.. dumpers uses too many excuses fake as$ muthaf%ckers! Yo-yo relationships are comfortable. It is hard to break a habit. However, someone is holding the yo-yo while the other one is watching! The dumpee who is watching must cut the string unless the dumper wants to stop playing.
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