robaday Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 So I posted in the dating forum about my girlfriend suddenly losing interest in sex. She dropped a few off-hand comments here and there and Ive done my best to not react. After declining sex four times we finally had it, but it seemed cold and she lay back instead of making an effort. Her kisses are with her mouth closed. I thought I would try and make one last attempt, I know shes insecure and thought that may have been whats troubling her-shes questioned our status and ive reassured her were exclusive. I organized two pretty cool nights recently and have not pressured her at all. So 2 days ago she tells me a dream she had about me and another guy, the other guy had gone fat and she said she chose me over him, she re-assured me that the guy was imaginary. Why would she tell me something like this? I really didnt want to admit to myself that she may be cheating but my gut is telling me to run even though i dont want to. I didnt think I was insecure but this has really got me. How do I approach it?
Author robaday Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I'm sorry but I would like some constructive advice, Ive never been cheated on before but looking online all the signs are there. Should I just leave her be and wait for her to contact me?
lamaman3 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 If I were you I'd be more concerned over the fact that she seems to not be sexually attracted to you at all rather than worry about whether she will cheat.
reservoirdog1 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Something's definitely not right with your relationship, but it doesn't sound like you have enough information to suggest that she's cheating. Sounds like you need to at least have a heart-to-heart with her; doesn't sound like you've done that yet.
naleylove23 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 it depends if you guys had a sex life to begin with...did you? hmm it sounds like she may possibly have cheated or she just has interest in some one else. i think you should ask her if she has been with some one else or is interested in someone else. it also depends if shes been acting differently besides in the bedroom...has she? no need to jump to conclusions she may just be insecure but idk
Author robaday Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I feel awful, powerless and am losing confidence fast. Shes just turned and I dont think there's any going back. I think I'm going to give her an "out", make it easy for both of us, a clear honest discussion and I can handle the outcome regardless, I guess I just need to know. This sucks, thanks for your responses, loveshack is both a blessing and a curse.
karnak Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I honestly don't think she has cheated on you. But I think she's having some serious doubts about your relationship now. Does she have emotional issues from her past or something?
Shindig Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 It sounds like you need to talk to her specifically about sex. If you're hurting her (not intentionally, obviously) or she's not experiencing gratification or climax then I can understand why she might lose interest. This is a tough question but you're interested enough to ask strangers for help: do you know where the clitoris is and do you know how to give her an orgasm? Only a small percentage of women experience orgasm from penetration alone, so this is important information for you to know. This isn't the whole thing: women's sexuality isn't as physical as it is for men. Foreplay, seduction, etc. are really important. Good that you're initiating sex but you also have to make her feel sexy and engage her mind. Maybe plan a romantic dinner at home or exercise a fantasy of hers. It might be something else in the relationship, for example the insecurity you mentioned. What is the tone of your relationship these days?
gabby898 Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Yes you should have a conversation with her but try not to accuse her of anything. To be honest, she sounds a bit a bored and uninterested in the relationship anymore. Usually when I'm not in the mood to do anything with my bf it's either because he's said something and has annoyed me or I'm feeling depressed. Talk to her and try to be understanding. I would suggest to stop thinking about sex for now...maybe she thinks that something is missing from your relationship and she can't enjoy sex anymore because of that. if everything else is fine and there only problem that she has is with sex, try to make things fun for HER in bed. But since you said that she kisses with her lips closed and is cold, it seems to be that something is wrong and it's not only a sexual problem...
9Lives Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 I feel awful, powerless and am losing confidence fast. Shes just turned and I dont think there's any going back. I think I'm going to give her an "out", make it easy for both of us, a clear honest discussion and I can handle the outcome regardless, I guess I just need to know. This sucks, thanks for your responses, loveshack is both a blessing and a curse. You right about that! I will say that a lot of times when a woman doesn't want to have sex, its because something is bothering her. It doesn't automatically mean she is cheating. Take her to a park or something and be a good listener to see what's in her head. Gather information...analyze it over a couple days...then address it.
TheLoveAdvisor Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Everyone goes through fazes. Could be a number of factors as some have touched on pretty good above me... Hygiene is important, brushing teeth, deodorant. Mixing it up a bit, not doing the same routine.. Talk to her more, be interested, romance a bit... Go for the chase if need be..Look into yourself maybe, are you a good listener?? Are you spontaneous??? Tell her she is beautiful?? Are you a fun guy rather than a News, Political person, serious all the time??? Sure, not getting sex may be an issue, but only she can tell you if something is missing.. And don't be surprised if she doesn't have the guts to tell you she is over you.... The most important thing you can do is ask her if everything is alright... Back off the sex thing, and concentrate on the realationship.... Women specially go through many changes physically and emotionally during their lifetime, to try to understand everything will drive you insane...Who knows, she may not be in the mood.....
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