clemsonbelle425 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I have been with my boyfriend, the love of my life for 1.5 yrs. We took a break which was my decision. I regret it, but at the same time, it made me realize how much I love him. During that time I gave him permission to see other people and he met someone, but when I realized that I only wanted to be with him, he was in love with me & dropped her to only be with me. Things with us are amazing when we are together. We are so in love & talked of sharing our lives together. He is 29, and I am 27. He has said that he wants to give it at least another year before we take it to the next level, i. e. hopefully get engaged. After we came off our break & I realized I was so in love with him, I have been more affectionate towards him. I would love to spend most nights together. He has said that he likes alone time sometime which is fine with me. It used to be we would see each other every other night, but lately it has been every third night. I miss him so much on the nights apart. I am trying to let him see me when he wants to see me. But I do miss him & would love to see him more often so it is hard! I feel like he is at the point where he is realizing he is giving up his alone time to live with me in the future and maybe he is just needing a little space to let it sink in. I don't suspect him of cheating on me. I think trust is the basis of the relationship, & I trust him completely. Do you all have any advice to help me get through this time? Thank you guys! Hugs!
Sabali Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I really like how you are handling this. My advice is to allow him his alone time. This is very important for a person. It is great that you trust him and you should continue to do so. If he ever does something to violate your trust never blame yourself for trusting him. It is the right thing to do for someone who you are in a relationship and you are right, it is the foundation of any relationship and if you don't have it, expect a spiral into oblivion. Every 3 days is not bad at all. I am one who appreciates my alone time as well. It's no big deal unless you try to cut into it too often. If you continue to do mostly what you are doing, the relationship will progress naturally and would be a fulfilling one. As time goes on, he will naturally want to spend more time with you. The problem just come when too much pressure is applied to do otherwise. One other thing which I hope you won't get confused on...you should be able to see him not only when he wants to see you. You should be able to see him some of the times you want to see him. Just call him up randomly sometimes and tell him that you miss him and want to see him. That works often with me.
Author clemsonbelle425 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Thank you Sabali! I will take your advice and ask him if he wants to see me certain nights. No pressure-he could always say no. Last night was amazing--I planned a date night to this fondue restaurant. We loved it--so romantic! Thank you for wonderful advice!
Enema Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I feel like he is at the point where he is realizing he is giving up his alone time to live with me in the future and maybe he is just needing a little space to let it sink in. Don't want to burst your bubble, but successful couples that live together still have plenty of alone time.
Awesome Username Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give him more time and he'll miss you more.
mogul Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give him more time and he'll miss you more. +1, So true. Don't overwhelm him or what not, might seem like a good idea at the time but you will regret it later on.
Citizen Erased Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Don't want to burst your bubble, but successful couples that live together still have plenty of alone time. Exactly. There is a difference between alone time and wanting a break from a relationship. Some of the crap people put up with astounds me...
Els Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 (edited) Exactly. There is a difference between alone time and wanting a break from a relationship. Some of the crap people put up with astounds me... Actually I think what Enema meant was that he thinks what her guy is doing now is normal even for successful couples who live together. OP, I think you need to seriously think about the discrepancy between the amount of time you both prefer to spend together. Fairytale relationships where both partners want to spend exactly the same amount of time together, for the rest of their lives, won't really exist - there will be some discrepancy. But him wanting 1 in every 3 nights compared to you wanting to see him every night is quite a serious difference. Not saying that you should do anything drastic like break up with him, but you should really think about it. Edited October 29, 2010 by Elswyth
Author clemsonbelle425 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Thanks for all the advice guys! I think my problem is I realized I was so in love with him & wanted to see him more right around the time I started a new job. With everything going on I stopped the hobbies that I so loved before. I am picking back up my hobbies & hanging with friends more on the nights we are not together. It is so true absence makes the heart grow fonder. I love him & want to work things out within me because he is the one I want to be with. I am never thinking of breaking up with him. He is also sick this week so I think seeing me every 3rd night may be more cause he's sick. Thanks again for the advice! If anyone has any other tips, they would be well appreciated!
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