Women who hit a certain age and are desperate to get married

[green_tea]

I have no concerns with my age or with growing older and freely acknowledge that I don't look like a 25 year old. However, despite having my pick of men twenty years ago, I am far hotter than I was then - for a multitude of reasons - and there are many, many women of 35 and older who are just like me.

 

I agree with this so much. I am older as well, and feel like I am more attractive than I was in my 20's - seriously. I'm emotionally strong, confident, and happy. I was none of those things 15 years ago.

[Surrealist]

Only people who are insecure put others down for no reason.

 

Quoted for truth.

[Chicago_Guy]

Yes, because time clearly only affects women. Men are forever ageless and unaffected by life. The poor women have to grovel at the feet of the infinitely superior, perfect men.

 

Men do age, but women don't seem to care about looks as much as men do. There are a lot of good-looking guys who are single and a lot of ugly guys who have decent-looking girlfriends. Men are much more superficial with respect to their partner's looks, although women are far more superficial about many other things.

[LittleTiger]

I dont want relationships with these girls. I just want to date them. I am not sure what your defintion of very young is, but for me its early twenties. I dont hear very often of a man 'trading down'.

 

And here is the crux of the matter.

 

Men don't want 'relationships' with young 'hotties', they just want to date them? (Presumably meaning they just want to have sex with them?). So is it any wonder that you guys perceive women in their 30s as suddenly becoming desperate for marriage.

 

You get all the sex you want from young women who don't want to be tied down any more than you do.

 

Then you yourself reach a certain age and suddenly you decide you want a relationship. So you start dating 'women of a certain age' (because the young hotties aren't suitable for relationships) and 'hey presto' these 'women of a certain age' want a relationship too.......and guess what, relationships lead to marriage!

 

Maybe the problem for you guys is that as you age you begin to change your priorities, just as older women do, and then (unlike women) you're horrified to discover that somebody expects you to grow up and join the real world of adults, which strangely enough includes marriage and children.

[AverageJoe]

Only people who are insecure put others down for no reason.

 

 

Justify things as you wish but there is actually quite a bit of reasoning that has been discussed so far. You may not agree with some of the reasoning put forth but that doesnt mean anyone is putting another down for simply being realistic.

 

Uggh. This just reinforces my opinion that some women are incappable of logical discussion without the added element of reactionary emotion.

[Woggle]

The only older women who are completely unattractive to most men are these women who dated a string of scumbags in their younger days and after being chewed up and spit out plus maybe a few kids now they want a decent guy. They want the good guys they turned their nose at to carry their loads of baggage.

 

Most of them looked used up and worn out and it has more to do with lifestyle than age. There are women in their 20s who look like this. Lindsey Lohan looks like she is near 40. Most men also know that deep down these women's hearts still lust for the scumbags and they are just settling for a good guy because they have accepted the fact that they can't turn a player into a faithful partner.

 

Older women with their head screwed on straight though can be very attractive.

[LittleTiger]

Uggh. This just reinforces my opinion that some women are incappable of logical discussion without the added element of reactionary emotion.

 

I think you'll find, if you have a look at most of my posts on LS, that I'm one of the most rational women here. I rarely get emotional in my discussions but I won't sit back and listen to blanket insults to the majority of the human race. I think some of the comments made in this thread are insulting to both men and women.

 

If you are a grown man and all you're interested in is 'young, firm flesh' then good luck to you because you are likely to be very disappointed in life. I feel quite sad for any man who falls into that category. Fortunately I don't have any male friends who would rather 'date' a little 'hottie' in her 20s than have a mature relationship (which may lead to marriage) with a woman in her 30s and 40s. I prefer to think they are a more realistic example of men than has been presented in this thread.

 

And, for the record, I think a lot of the personally directed comments made by Dogbert to women on this thread (not just me) have been very insulting and completely unnecessary.

[phineas]

I kept the t-shirt but I had a great lawyer. I don't think it is that men don't want marriage but we know that a good deal of women are more interested in the wedding than they are the actual marriage. They want a lovely princess day but after that is done they slowly start losing attraction until the man gets the I love you but I am not in love with you speech. A groom is just a stand in for a milestone in her life and after that he is pretty much nothing to her.

 

I'm not saying this is the rule, but for me I have pictures of my then wife in the arms of her her boyfriend & my first son sitting in his stroller next to them.

He couldn't even walk then.

 

We got pregnant about 2 months after we were married. She wanted a kid & she wanted it bad. I wanted kids also & I wasn't getting any younger. however, I didn't want a kid out of wed-lock. Period.

 

If I was going to start a family, I was going to do it right.

 

She did however break up with her boyfriend when she got pregnant again. (pretty sure he is mine.)

Then when he was born she resumed her cheating ways & is now living with him.

 

Strangely she doesn't act like she's all that happy. go figure.

[Mr Orange]

My wonderful gf wants to get married, settle, kids and all, but she knows better than to bring up the topic (and we've been dating almost 2 years already). While we care about each other, tt is simply not the right time yet. In return, I am clearly committed and envision engagement and marriage in the future with certainty, but won't discuss it until it is appropriate (which is determined by objective and subjective criteria, including, jobs, careers, money, and simply the feeling that enough time has passed to peacefully make this transition).

 

Many women, unlike her, shoot themselves in the foot by demanding commitment and engagement, and when that happens, most guys will bail simply on principle - even if you actually want to marry the girl, once she starts getting demanding in that way, that's a clear indication of the misery that will expect you if you are stupid enough to marry her. As much as I love my girlfriend, it would instantly kill my desire to marry her if she starts pushing it, which I will interpret as nothing but a blackmail and quilt-tripping. Sensible, general discussions about possible future plans are fine, but "why are you not proposing yet" is a huge buzzkill.

 

It boils down to self esteem, and emotional sanity, I think.

[Knittress]

It's hilarious/ironic that knittress uses herself, being in her late 20's, as a counter example. Most women can maintain a reasonably youthful apppearance into their early 30's because that's when the cumulative effects of aging really start to show.

 

Odds are knittress won't be singing the same tune 5 or so years down the road.

 

Sooooo... you're hanging around on a Friday trying to make utter strangers on the internet feel bad about themselves? I think you just made my point about how the put-downers on LS are not really representative of the male behavior I see out here in the real world.

[soserious1]

No one put you down at all. The fact that you are so oversensitive so as to react to a logical comment to something you said as a personal attack just corroborates what Average Joe said.

 

The issue was whether women in their mid 30's and older, start to age and lose their attractiveness and desirability when compared to women in their 20's.

 

In a very mocking tone, you responded by saying that you were still very desirable, in your late 20's.

 

That was a completely illogical response on your part, since no one ever said that women still in their 20's were significantly less desirable to men then say women a few years younger.

 

I simply pointed out that there is a very good chance you will feel differently in your mid 30's or later, because that's when the effects of aging really start to have an impact on many women.

 

There is nothing to take "offense" to; no one was trying to make you feel bad on a Friday night.

 

If like some other women posting in this thread, you are offended by the very notion that people--men too, not just women--actually get old, and that getting older causes physical and other changes in their bodies and how they are perceived by possible partners--then your beef is with reality, not with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facts are not put downs.

 

I'm in my early 50's, I was married to a man 3 yrs my senior who used to enjoy trotting out the same list of "Facts" you're going on about. Generally this list was used to justify his gawking at other women in public, excessive porn usage and to rationalize why he wasn't interested in sex with me.

 

I don't look 25 but a man grinding my face in that fact day after day is supposed to do exactly what for me or for a relationship?

[AverageJoe]

Men don't want 'relationships' with young 'hotties', they just want to date them? (Presumably meaning they just want to have sex with them?). So is it any wonder that you guys perceive women in their 30s as suddenly becoming desperate for marriage.

Correct, I want want sex with them. Look, I am not saying I woudnt have sex with someone in their late thirties or early forties.

 

Let me put it this way. Do you ever travel? Well, I do. There is this restaraunt in Indianapolis called St Elmo Steak House. They have a bone-in Ribeye steak that is incredible! The ambiance of the facility and service is pristine and makes me feel like a million bucks. I mean it is a very devine experience. Delicious!

 

There is also a small but retro place in the Denver, Colorado area called Bonnie Brae Tavern. I could live with our without it, but it does have good food. I can grab a beer and a fullfilling meal and at the end of the day I am satisfied but not a place I would go every week. Its a good place to go when you are really hungry.

 

The girls that are mid to late thirtys, early forties, they are Bonnie Brae.

 

 

You get all the sex you want from young women who don't want to be tied down any more than you do.

 

Umm, I dont have a problem with that at all. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

 

Then you yourself reach a certain age and suddenly you decide you want a relationship.

 

I dont want a relationship, there is nothing to gain for a man to be in one.

[Knittress]

Right. So. I write in my usual flippant tone about how the LS-nasties had got seriously freaking out over no one would ever love me, as it's been five years since I've been with anyone not-my-ex, which swallowed up all of my 'desireable' window. And you know what? Nobody can tell I'm older. It's RUBBISH. Feeling sad and ugly is going to keep me from getting a man, not being 30-something.

 

Thanks for the 'facts' that five years from now I will look older and thus imply that no one will want me. I think that this is probably likely rubbish as well. You can't know the 'facts,' because you know nothing about me or any of these other ladies - I'm glad too, because you're kinda mean.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Right. So. I write in my usual flippant tone about how the LS-nasties had got seriously freaking out over no one would ever love me, as it's been five years since I've been with anyone not-my-ex, which swallowed up all of my 'desireable' window. And you know what? Nobody can tell I'm older. It's RUBBISH. Feeling sad and ugly is going to keep me from getting a man, not being 30-something.

Thanks for the 'facts' that five years from now I will look older and thus imply that no one will want me. I think that this is probably likely rubbish as well. You can't know the 'facts,' because you know nothing about me or any of these other ladies - I'm glad too, because you're kinda mean.

 

Your 100% right! What these guys are saying is rubbish.

 

Who has any respect for the paunchy mid40's bald guy chasing after 20 somethings in his Porche?

 

Knitt, guys will always want you. Believe it!

[Knittress]

Your 100% right! What these guys are saying is rubbish.

 

Who has any respect for the paunchy mid40's bald guy chasing after 20 somethings in his Porche?

 

Knitt, guys will always want you. Believe it!

 

Aw, that's REALLY sweet!

Thanks.

[LittleTiger]

Dogbert - it's a shame you feel the need to hurl insults at others for no apparent reason. All of my posts are in good faith and, as far as I'm concerned I made valid points as counter aguments to some of what are, quite frankly, ridiculous statements made by you and others in this thread.

 

If I choose to defend 'women of a certain age', I have every right to do so and if you believe I'm bragging, so be it. You have obviously misunderstood my intentions (and you know nothing about me) and as I don't value your opinion, or anything you say, I won't bother to argue with you.

 

For some reason you have chosen to be nasty which says a lot about your character. Your nastiness is uncalled for and I feel quite sorry for you that you have to resort to such tactics.

[LittleTiger]

Let me put it this way. Do you ever travel? Well, I do. There is this restaraunt in Indianapolis called St Elmo Steak House. They have a bone-in Ribeye steak that is incredible! The ambiance of the facility and service is pristine and makes me feel like a million bucks. I mean it is a very devine experience. Delicious!

 

There is also a small but retro place in the Denver, Colorado area called Bonnie Brae Tavern. I could live with our without it, but it does have good food. I can grab a beer and a fullfilling meal and at the end of the day I am satisfied but not a place I would go every week. Its a good place to go when you are really hungry.

 

The girls that are mid to late thirtys, early forties, they are Bonnie Brae.

 

Now that's interesting. My partner would say the opposite. To him, I am the Ribeye steak and the 'young hotties' are Bonnie Brae.

 

It's all a question of values.

 

I dont want a relationship, there is nothing to gain for a man to be in one.

 

OK, fair enough, each to their own. I hope you're not lonely in your old age though.

[soserious1]

The issue on the table is why some people perceive that many women in their late 20's-mid thirties seem to get into a rush to get married. The obvious answer IME is that they become cognizant that they are aging and therefore becoming less desirable/less eligible as potential partners for marriage and having children. Therefore they prioritize getting married.

 

Rather than simply accept the obvious explanation, that all people age, including women, and that with age certain types of relationship options become more limited, a number of middle aged women (and younger ones who apparently fear growing older) have put forth the proposition that age does not matter when it comes to mate selection by men of women. More than one have even gone so far as to make the claim, without any actual verifiable evidence provided, that they are more desirable or "hotter" at age 45 than at age 25.

 

If they are, they are unusual, in fact, they are remarkable. As a general proposition--that women in their forties are generally more desirable as marriage partners/child bearing partners than women in their twenties--it is absolutely preposterous.

 

As far as whatever your marital difficulties may have been, that's unfortunate, but they really have no bearing on anything I have to say. That was between you and your ex, and your failure to work out whatever your differences may have been is not attributable to me or to anything I have said or could possibly say on this thread.

 

 

 

 

I am not your husband, and the fact that he may have chosen to use certain excuses to characterize what you feel was bad behavior on his part, has nothing to do with the validity or non-validity of my opinions.

 

 

 

 

I am not a psychotherapist and if what your ex did to you still bothers you then you need counseling to address that.

 

That does not change the fact that people get old.

 

Why would I waste money paying a counselor to tell me that when it comes to fscking 99.9% of men would rather bed the average 25 yr old than bed me? I've got you here to remind me of that fact for free.

 

I've done the stand nude in front of a mirror nude in a strong light deal, I freely admit that even a subpar looking 25 yr old is a LOT more sexually desirable than I am, so what am I to do with this knowledge exactly? What are other women of a certain age supposed to do with this knowledge?

Edited October 30, 2010 by soserious1

[LittleTiger]

Why would I waste money paying a counselor to tell me that when it comes to fscking 99.9% of men would rather bed the average 25 yr old than bed me? I've got you here to remind me of that fact for free.

 

If that's true, which I personally don't believe. Concentrate on finding the 0.1% of men who value a partner for so much more than her youth.

[soserious1]

If that's true, which I personally don't believe. Concentrate on finding the 0.1% of men who value a partner for so much more than her youth.

 

My point is this, if you repeatedly hammer home the idea that men want younger, "hotter" women, that they are much more desirable than older

women, for sex, for relationships/marriage you clearly expect and hope that women will internalize that message.

 

What then are women to do once they're internalized these "facts"?

[AverageJoe]

I've got you here to remind me of that fact for free.

 

So you already knew it. Great, finally some common ground.

 

Dogbert - it's a shame you feel the need to hurl insults at others for no apparent reason. All of my posts are in good faith and, as far as I'm concerned I made valid points as counter aguments to some of what are, quite frankly, ridiculous statements made by you and others in this thread.

 

Maybe I am missing the insults you accuse Dogbert of, can you clarify this somewhere?

Others, probably meaning me (its ok you can call me out). I dont know what is rediculous about it. These are facts of nature. Why so pissed about it?

 

Now that's interesting. My partner would say the opposite. To him, I am the Ribeye steak and the 'young hotties' are Bonnie Brae.

 

Good for you and your partner. It seems to work for the both of you. Why are you getting worked up over it?

 

I hope you're not lonely in your old age though.

 

Not at all, I have family and great friends. Besides, there is no guarantee anyone will have companionship in their old age. None.

[LittleTiger]

If you don't view anything that you have written as nasty or insulting then good for you - I think most people would be in my corner on this one.

 

Oh, and just for info - 'women of a certain age' is more or less the title of this thread.

[soserious1]

Little Tiger you have an awful lot of nerve chastising anyone for being "insulting."

 

No more insulting than men who've suggested that at my age I should content myself with a house of cats.

 

Speaking from a pure biological standpoint I totally get the physiological basis that drives human mating urges, however I also get that we live in an increasingly complex social group, we don't do things based totally on biological urges anymore, we can't.

 

Expecting women to internalize the message that they're worth less as they age is supposed to accomplish what exactly?

[LittleTiger]

Expecting women to internalize the message that they're worth less as they age is supposed to accomplish what exactly?

 

Please don't internalise anything these guys are saying. The world is full of good men who value women for more than just looks. They aren't easy to find but they do exist. I know two ladies in their early 70s who lost their husbands and found new partners so there is always hope - no matter how many wrinkles you have.

[soserious1]

Please don't internalise anything these guys are saying. The world is full of good men who value women for more than just looks. They aren't easy to find but they do exist. I know two ladies in their early 70s who lost their husbands and found new partners so there is always hope - no matter how many wrinkles you have.

 

I'm actually pretty happy these days and not interested in pursuing a committed relationship.

 

If all little girls can be raised hearing the message that they best hurry and snag a husband before they hit their mid 20's... that bit of social conditioning serves whom exactly? Particularly in an increasingly complex world where it takes a Master's degree to get even a mediocre starter job.