I can't stop thinking about him

[nothingfancy]

hey guys. I was kinda hoping that I could use this website for advice and to share my story. all my friends are fed up with me moping and think I'm pathetic for not being able to stop thinking about him.

 

we'd been friends for years and he's always been one of those guys you would find attractive but never thought it would get in the way of friendship. but a couple of weeks ago, he started to show feelings back towards me and we started spending a lot more time with each other and exchanging more texts. gradually and gradually these texts got more and more suggestive and he asked me round to his house. stupidly, I went.

 

he'd never really been with a girl before (we're only 18) and when we went he and I were both really nervous. all the kissing and the touching was all so sweet and close and intimate - like he liked me back at the time. we went far, but we didn't have sex. he told me I was beautiful and did those stupid little petty kisses for no reason. it felt so real and so close

 

then afterwards he held my hand and started acting like he wanted more from it all. but no less then two hours later he was ignoring me. I hadn't done anything wrong.

 

a week later I confronted him and asked him why he was ignoring me and he said it was because he didn't know what to think or to say; so I asked him of his feelings towards me. he told me it was a mistake. he told me he no longer likes me like that but doesn't want it to get in the way of our friendship. and I stupidly agreed.

 

and now we are just friends but back to the same scenario if texting and flirting. and I can't stop thinking about him. my friends think I'm pathetic and that I'm bring obsessive but I know I'm not. I want it back to how it was when I went to his house. how could we have done that and he know just doesn't like me at all?! everything reminds me of him. I fell hard and fast for him and now I can't get back up. I cry. I write songs. I cry some more and yet he thinks it's acceptable to just kiss me secretly or hug me or flirt.

 

what do I do? is it time to move on? I keep asking myself where did I go wrong? I feel torn and ripped apart. what have I done to deserve this?

 

thanks for reading, and thanks in advance to anyone who replies x

[shayan]

hi kiddo,

 

it seems like you probably have had feelings for him for a long time now, even before the incident. I know it hurts because he does not feel the same way and he was indecisive. But, most men at a young age are unfortunately, most people actually. You have to realize the stage you are in in life, you're only 18 years old and you guys texted back and fourth for a couple weeks neither of you made any promises to eachother.

 

You can't stop thinking a thought our minds don't work like that. The only way to stop is by thinking about other things. In other words to heal you need to start working on bringing new healthy thoughts into your life. I suggest you try a self help book, or try positive meditation or something. Crying is healthy as well, but allow your sadness to heal you not dig you any deeper. I know the sadness part sounds strange but I truly believe there is healing sadness called mourning crying and destructive sadness like lingering and obsessing.

 

The memories probably go back a long time and they cause you to remember him, but you have to realize you are not your memories. You are not your past, your past can only hurt you if you let it steer you. Avoid living in the past by focusing on now, what is now, what is coming.

 

and one more thing, keep your distance during this time. It is impossible to be friends with someone you have feelings for believe me

 

good luck you'll make it through this with time, how long it takes depends on how you take care of yourself.

[icecjkuok]

If you are very, very think he, he went to him, if you can't give him call or send SMS messages, these all if be no good, looking for things to do, let oneself have no spare time to think about him.

 

 

 

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[mohdhm]

this isn't a solution to your problem, but something that you can do to prevent it in the future:

 

Always keep at least 3 attractive guys (paws off honey!), it really helps tone down the obsessive thinking. Also don't think of a single person as "special'... ever. I know several guys that broke up with their gals because they had a feeling that this other girl was "special."

 

Regarding what you should do now:

In my opinion, you should isolate yourself from him and give yourself the space you need to calm down and heal your emotions. This may mean treating him like an acquaintance for a while and when you are fully over this (and have those 3 attractive guy friends) you could re-establish the friendship. No flirting though!

 

I hope things work out for you!