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Posted (edited)
Fidelity and loyalty used to mean a lot more in the past than it does now. You can easily trace the rate of divorce. Compare 50 years ago to today. The difference is staggering.

 

I do believe that is a myth we hold of the past. Loyalty, yes. Fidelity, no. Check your Greek mythology. Infidelity was more acceptable pre-80s than it is today. Special thanks to civil rights and women's empowerment and independence. Yea, double-edged sword (and men never wanted women to have these lol).

 

I think it's more an issue of roles. Men and women do not have 'naturalized' roles any more and so have to stake them out themselves. In many relationships, there isn't the same co-dependency (in practical, not emotional terms) that there was even 30 years ago. For example, traditionally men needed women to cook and take care of the house and women needed men to take care of the outside, home maintenance, etc. This gives the couple a sense of true partnership and stability and value regardless of what emotional issues they go through over time. At this point, though, many of us are being raised in gender-neutral ways... we learn how to mow the grass, fix the blade on the lawn mower, cook (eh...), clean, etc. We don't specialize as much or dismiss certain tasks as men's work or women's work.

Edited by lapse
Posted (edited)
People who have lasting relationships are the kind of people who draw a line in the sand and say 'This is the one that is going to work.' They understand that the 'passion' is always going to fade - no matter who you're with, so if you want to have a lasting relationship and all the benefits that brings - family, monetary, companionship etc - you need to commit to someone. My ex had no decent relationship role model - his parents were miserable and I suspect he'll spend a very, very long time chasing that 'New relationship' feeling over and over again. He might never make the connection.

 

 

I agree with you completely that the people who have lasting relationships did draw a line in there mind that this is it. They had a very strong attraction or bond from the start and it runs deeper than passion or love- it's everything you listed about companionship, wanting of family, financials, ect.

 

I also agree about your ex. Though it is sad, it goes back to the point I tried to make about nature and nurture playing a role in who can and is able to make a lasting committment. I truly think that some people are just not wired to do so, or have had such bad models that its a very deep seeded issue.

 

People who get wrapped up in the throes of love and passion have the hardest time, I think. They feed off the drama or the high of infatuation, and when the flame dies out they think that its not meant to be. "Borning" people (as we so often label them in our over stimulated society) turn out to be the most stable minded and therefore best candidates for lasting love.

 

Lapse- I totally agree that the roles of men and women, husband and wife, and even father and mother, have become ambiguous. Yet I still know many couples who have adapted to this cultural change and have successful marriages.

Edited by starryeyed12
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