SunsetRed Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I have recently gone through a break up that has completely knocked the wind out of me. I'm heading into the second month of the break up and I know I need to get out of my house and stop moping and idealizing my ex. I signed up for an online dating service and have met tons of men, although all I've done is exchange emails and IMs, no real dates yet. I'm going on my 1st lunch date this weekend. My question is, I need help knowing how to work this? All I want at this point is to go out on dates. I want to get out and meet people. I don't want a routine relationship or anything physical. I've pointedly but politely said this in my profile as well. So is it rude to just go out on multiple dates that never get past the 1st or second date? And how do I communicate this? I've only exchanged phone #s with the guy I'm meeting for lunch. Maybe I shouldnt have joined an online dating service if all I wanted was to get out and have something to do. However, getting out of the house does keep me from contacting my ex, which is what I really want to do.
alexlakeman Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 So you are just out for the company and free lunch or free drinks? They are "dating" sites, so anyone joining would be looking for a relationship, I think. So are you saying even if you click and there's chemistry, you'll dump 'em after 1-2 dates? I mean I have a lot of dates that have not even gone more than 1 date, mostly my choice, but, the goal is to see someone and develop it into a relationship
Brady_to_Moss Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 all ready have dates and email off a dating website? man i had my profile up there for 8 months and not 1 email came to me..what site are you using? lol
Cee Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I think you put yourself at emotional risk by using a dating site for distraction. If you are only looking for one time interactions, you might start to feel alienated because you are spending time with strangers that you will never see again. And I doubt you will be able to control your emotions. Sooner or later you are going to fall for someone and you aren't ready for a relationship. I suggest you get involved in a hobby or social group via meetup.com. Dating is a horrible hobby, imo.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 You should be upfront and tell these people before they meet up with you. I would have no interest meeting someone if I knew that they had no intention of dating me regularly.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 all ready have dates and email off a dating website? man i had my profile up there for 8 months and not 1 email came to me..what site are you using? lol She's a woman, they get tons of emails. 1 email in 8 is woeful, however. I'm getting at least one a day at the moment. I do send out copious numbers of emails and winks, however. It's a numbers game.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 all ready have dates and email off a dating website? man i had my profile up there for 8 months and not 1 email came to me..what site are you using? lol Yeah, it's not what site she's using, it's what sex organs she possesses....women receive an infamously high level of attention on dating websites compared to men. OP, I don't think there's any way you could say "By the way, I am only looking to go on one date with you, no more, because I am just interested in meeting lots of different men," and still have guys want to go out with you (unless you change it to "By the way, I only want to go on one date with you and have a casual encounter"). In dating, men are looking for one or both of these things: a relationship, and getting laid. Some men are just looking to get laid, and some men are looking for a relationship (with the hopes of also getting laid). If you express that there is no chance of either happening, a man is likely to see taking you on a date as a waste of his time and money. As he should. If you aren't looking for one of those above things (and frankly if you've just broken up you probably aren't ready for them) then you really shouldn't be dating. If you're just bored, go out with friends or participate in a hobby or activity.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I have recently gone through a break up that has completely knocked the wind out of me. I'm heading into the second month of the break up and I know I need to get out of my house and stop moping and idealizing my ex. I signed up for an online dating service and have met tons of men, although all I've done is exchange emails and IMs, no real dates yet. I'm going on my 1st lunch date this weekend. My question is, I need help knowing how to work this? All I want at this point is to go out on dates. I want to get out and meet people. I don't want a routine relationship or anything physical. I've pointedly but politely said this in my profile as well. So is it rude to just go out on multiple dates that never get past the 1st or second date? And how do I communicate this? I've only exchanged phone #s with the guy I'm meeting for lunch. Maybe I shouldnt have joined an online dating service if all I wanted was to get out and have something to do. However, getting out of the house does keep me from contacting my ex, which is what I really want to do. I think it is A-O.K. that you are just going out to go out... there remains every chance that in close proximity you will identify somebody who will seem on short notice to be very much worthy of seeing again and again... and keeping. If they critique your willingness, remind them that you said as much in your profile, and explain that you just broke-up with someone and need to be drawn back into social waters.
Author SunsetRed Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 I think what Cee said is right on target. I shouldn't use dating as a distraction. I have been honest though..I did say in my profile that "I don't know what I'm looking for. Right now I am only looking for friendship. I'm expecting to go dutch treat as I am looking to make new friends, not get free food or drinks." So far I've only exchanged #'s with one guy and we are going to meet in person. Depsite what I've said in my profile, he states he is looking for a long term relationship, so I've reiterated that I'm not looking for that. I joined a dating site because I was getting depressed that I'd never get to have fun times again without my ex. I needed to see that there are plenty of fish left in the sea, lol and Plenty of fish is the site I joined.
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