Sweetbaby88 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 He and I have had a complicated 8 year history as close friends since college. We definitely both liked each other but I didn't really give him a chance because I knew I had to graduate and go to another country for graduate school so we stayed as friends. Also, he had a reputation as a ladies man and I was afraid of getting hurt so we didn't pursue anything further. When I left, we both started dating other people. I was upset he got a new gf but he was also resentful that I did the same but both understood it was too difficult toske us work with long distance etc. I even went so far as to getting married with my guy much to his dismay. He even made bad remarks about our impending marriage in front of us when we announced our engagement. After my wedding though, I found out he immediately got engaged to his gf but broke up shortly. It was weird that he got engaged without telling me (very uncharacteristic of him) and it was also weird that he did it only a month after my wedding. I have a feeling he got engaged because he was upset with me, and I also know that they broke up because he never got over me which was why he didn't treat his fiancée well enough to stay together (his ex hinted me this before). At the same time, my husband also became abusive to me which lead to my separation 6 months ago. Since then I have moved once again to another country but me and the guy still kept in touch. He now has a new gf so I thought he completely got over all our on-off drama but when I confided in him about my separation, he completely dissappeared on me...no emails, condolences etc. I felt betrayed as I thought he would show sensitivity as my friend considering what he went through before with his ex. I went cold and ignored him on purpose and just when I was ready to throw in the towel on our friendship, he sensed that I was upset with him and suddenly started to initiate alot of sympathy towards my situation. Maybe I freaked him out by telling him about my separation?He also mentioned to me he was going to try get an expat job which happens to be closer to where Im at now and is also planning a trip to see me in 2 months time... I'm not sure what to think anymore. I've always had strong feelings for him but was too scared to do anything to ruin what we had. Although I initially thought that his feelings had already subsided with his new gf/life and all, his recent behaviour seems to show otherwise?? Throughout the years he has showered me with constant attention over any of his exes and especially with his trip now, i think he may still have feelings for me. If this attraction and bond is really still mutual, should I give him a chance? I'm a bit confused about why he has decided to fly half way across the world just to visit me now that I have revealed to him about my separation. Figuring out his intention is driving me crazy! I really want to be with him now but I can't forget his ladies man reputation which I'm afraid will hurt me if I end up with him especially when I am still in the stage of divorcing my ex. Part of me is scared but the other part of me is reminded of the fact that he has shown for many years that I am still the woman he respects/desires/prioritizes the most out of every other girl in his life...he always drops everything for me if I ask for his attention. It almost seems like fate that this is all happening now?? But I suppose even if this doesn't end well, at least we will have closure on our 8-year long feelings so maybe we can start casual and slow then takebit a day at a time? Not sure what he is going to do with his gf issue and Im not interested in being the 3rd wheel but I honestly don't want us to mess up our chances because of other people like we did horribly this past decade again. Any input on his intentions or what I should do? Should I wait and see what happens when he comes before doing anything??
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Should I wait and see what happens when he comes before doing anything?? Yes you should. Sounds like he was ambivalent about you getting married. Since you made it clear you were upset about your separation, he's been more responsive. He could be a player, but that's not the same as a cheater. I have often had women think I'm a ladies man because of my looks and attitude. Sure I date, but when I find a good woman I stick with her. I think you're going to have to put your frustration aside and see what happens.
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