mogul Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Lets say you're inquiring some advice about a current gf, an ex, someone you're dating, or even a situation that just happened. How worried are you that they might read this and know that it's them or figure it all out? Has this ever happened, where you've been confronted about it before? What are the chances that they would come across this site? I've had an ex confront me before and sometimes am worried about what I post on here.
Leandro Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I really don't think my ex will come across this site until she is at least 20, so I'm not really worried. If she does come across it, oh well. I try to watch what I say about her on this site now.
collegeguy_24 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I was worried that my most recent ex would come across this site and know it is her I am talking about, (I even posted her name). But then I realized I don't give a crap. After everything she put me through and her new BF continues to put me through, I don't care if she reads this. I rationalized in my mind that she can see all the pain she put me through, she can see all the love I still have for her and she might come back, realizing I am the one for her. Or she could read all this and hate my guts and go NC, which we are already at so its no change. If she did read all this, she would have contacted me by now, I just learned to live with it and to move on with my life, regardless of the consequences of posting on here.
Author mogul Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 What do you think the chances are of them coming across actually are? I used to fully utilize this forum until I was confronted. I think that it would be embarrassing if someone I was casually dating happened to read what I wrote about it. Is there any way to make it less public?
Leandro Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 What do you think the chances are of them coming across actually are? I used to fully utilize this forum until I was confronted. I think that it would be embarrassing if someone I was casually dating happened to read what I wrote about it. Is there any way to make it less public? I think the chances of my ex coming across this site is very low. She never uses the computer. She might come across it when she is in college. How to make it less public? I guess use a user name they won't know. Don't say their name if you are talking about them. Don't say the actually location of where you are from or went to. I'm sure there are a lot of things you can do to reduce the chance of some one figuring it out it is about them.
welikeincrowds Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Is there any way to make it less public? All you really need is one incongruous detail for someone to go "Oh, that's not me they're talking about." Everything can be exactly the same, but if it turns out she's blond and not brunette, or she ordered salmon instead of a burger that night -- ok, maybe these are bad examples, but if it's significantly off-base, then it will throw the reader, even if the reader is the woman herself. Combine those false clues with ambiguity everywhere else and you've safely concealed your sources.
Confusedalways Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I'm pretty paranoid in theory, but in reality I don't ACTUALLY think someone I'm talking about will know it's them. Overall it doesn't bother me too much.
Author mogul Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Yeah, how many members are there on here. I'm thinking of how I randomly came across this site, when i searched about something on google. I just wish I could have no fear and post whatever without having to worry someone I know would see it.
ComeUndone Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I've been figured out on here before by an ex doing a "keyword" search. I had tried to be vague about details, frequently changing the facts just slightly in attempt to not be discovered, but I wasn't clever enough. This was under another username. I felt really violated, especially when he started repeating very personal things trying to get his digs in. Lots of fun. Keep in mind that once it's posted, it's there for anyone to read. If you're figured out then you better hope what you've posted is something you'll be ok with people who know you reading it.
Hopeful30 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Not paranoid at all, because 28734029834029834 other people have the same situation lol I never mention names, exact ages or locations, so its impossible to tell
Crazy Magnet Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Had a guy find me here, got a new user name. He started sending text messages about things that I had only posted here. Can we say....CREEPY STALKER GUY. The current BF knows I'm on here, is free to read whatever, but doesn't.
strength-abounds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I was worried that my most recent ex would come across this site and know it is her I am talking about, (I even posted her name). But then I realized I don't give a crap. After everything she put me through and her new BF continues to put me through, I don't care if she reads this. I rationalized in my mind that she can see all the pain she put me through, she can see all the love I still have for her and she might come back, realizing I am the one for her. Or she could read all this and hate my guts and go NC, which we are already at so its no change. If she did read all this, she would have contacted me by now, I just learned to live with it and to move on with my life, regardless of the consequences of posting on here. Dude it's great to see you come this far to not give a crap about HER. Keep it up brother. You're a great inspiration to anyone that has read your story.
irc333 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 This is why it's NOT a good idea to put a picture of yourself in your Avatar on this message board.
carhill Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 I'll keep that in mind Topically, I started posting here while in MC and my now exW was/is well aware of my participation and 'handle'. She thinks LS is 'stupid'. This does not surprise me. I've been pretty plain-spoken about many aspects of the breakdown of our M and my 'perspective' didn't cost me any more in divorce court than originally planned for. One datapoint.
collegeguy_24 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Dude it's great to see you come this far to not give a crap about HER. Keep it up brother. You're a great inspiration to anyone that has read your story. Thank you:) Thing is I am still in love with my ex, but she needs to know that her actions have consequences. She says she knows they do, but I don't think she really believes it. I did a google search using her first and last name 5 minutes ago, and one of the very first sites to come up, it was on the first page actually, was her. It had her name, her picture, everything. and right under her picture was the link to this site where I posted her name for all to see. So I know if she did a google search of her name, she would find this site and you know what, I DON"T CARE!!! Maybe if she reads this she will understand everything, she will see all the pain she caused me, she will see that I still love her and would take her back, and she would see what an ********* her new BF is. How she reacts I don't really care, like I said before, she could come back to me, wanting to try again, or she could hate my guts. Either way I am fine. But I degress from the original topic, No, I do not worry she can find me on here, I know she can, I just accept it, and try to live my life.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 very paranoid... and I have a good feeling somebody close to me is reading my posts... if you are, COME FORWARD. Please, it's not fair to me.
Author mogul Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Same here, I've had an ex confront me when we were still together about the things I posted under a different sn. Its pretty bad, and now makes me think of all the things I post and the potential for that person to read it and how embarrassing it'll be. =/ Just change little things here and there that might throw the person off.
Idalis Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I think I'd be more paranoid of my coworkers or classmates knowing my business than I would be of my bf or my close friends, b/c they know me anyways and I'm not saying anything deceitful, so they'd have nothing to confront.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I think I'd be more paranoid of my coworkers or classmates knowing my business than I would be of my bf or my close friends, b/c they know me anyways and I'm not saying anything deceitful, so they'd have nothing to confront. I haven't said anything deceitful either but I have issues that I don't want even some of my closest friends knowing about.
Author mogul Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 I think I'd be more paranoid of my coworkers or classmates knowing my business than I would be of my bf or my close friends, b/c they know me anyways and I'm not saying anything deceitful, so they'd have nothing to confront. I'm not too worried about my friends because to an extent, they already know my business. With a gf or an ex, the knowledge of my insecurities of the relationship due to me posting on here caused problems when she confronted me. I'm now paranoid because I wouldn't want some girl i'm dating to know how interested (or lack there of) , I am in her and that being used against me.
Bec_downunder Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I'm not worried! I'm an Aussie and you guys are all American lol. If I was using an Australian forum I would be worried about bumping into someone I know, which is why I use this one. Same relationship issues, different place The only thing you have to worry about is if it's in your history. Even if my man did find out, I don't think it would concern him that much because it's anonymous and I haven't run him down here.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I'm not worried! I'm an Aussie and you guys are all American lol. If I was using an Australian forum I would be worried about bumping into someone I know, which is why I use this one. Same relationship issues, different place The only thing you have to worry about is if it's in your history. Even if my man did find out, I don't think it would concern him that much because it's anonymous and I haven't run him down here. Ditto... but even so.. What's the ratio of guys to girls on this site anyway?
Bec_downunder Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Ditto... but even so.. What's the ratio of guys to girls on this site anyway? I have no idea! You would think that there would be more women, but I think there are a lot more men!
LittleTiger Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 I couldn't care less who reads my posts as I am very open with everyone I know. My current partner knows all about the site and I share a lot of stuff on here with him. He could look any time he wanted but he doesn't bother unless I specifically ask him to check out a particular thread. The only other person I've talked about on here is my exH and he wouldn't be surprised by what he read. LS is something he would consider a waste of time anyway. Having said that I think I'd probably prefer it that my parents didn't see certain things I'd written on here - my Mum, in particular, is not what you would call sexually liberated .
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