Brokenlady Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 (edited) I agree with GEL. Don't get down in the gutter with the cheater. Your cheating makes you as bad as him. If you are so sure you are justified in wanting to meet potentials, you should have no problem telling him. And what you are proposing is hugely unfair to the new men. You don't get to use people just cause you feel used by mm. Pull him out of the gutter, don't you go crawling in the muck yourself. Edited October 29, 2010 by Brokenlady Spelling
In_Repair Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 What in the hell are you people talking about? Cheating?... on her MARRIED affair partner...? I haven't seen this one before, and frankly, I'm impressed. People in the OW/OM forum calling someone out regarding the morality of cheating on their cheater. Damn, I love this forum. I do agree with the idea of telling him, but not because it's the "right" thing to do. Let him know you have other options, because at this point that's all you are to him, an option.
20Seconds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Disclosure and transparency. Perhaps the OP can set an example which MM can follow in his life. Since, by her own admission, he appears 'unstable', clear and proactive action by herself could be healthy guidance and support for him; as LS'ers sometimes call it, 'tough love'. So, OP, I'll consolidate my advice. Tell MM that you're going to date others, then do that. Tell others upfront that you're not interested in a relationship. If you're having sex with both men simultaneously, be sure to protect yourself, and them, or disclose your poly-sexual behaviors to all and they can protect themselves as they see fit. 'I'm not in an exclusive sexual relationship and I want to make sure we're both protected' This might sound over-analytical, but I presume that most people, unlike myself, have sex with people they date 'for fun'. Better to be safe than sorry, or pregnant I think I'm with Carhill here. It is quite possible to date other people in this way, I am now a member of a casual dating site where people make their circumstances clear and exclusivity is not assumed. It is actually quite refreshing rather than the usual pussy-footing that goes on around wondering whether you are actually in a relationship witrh someone because you had a couple of dates with them. While MM is not able to be committed to you, dating other people surely can't be called "cheating". Cheating only exists as a concept when both parties have agreed to be sexually and emotionally committed and exclusive. And that is not the case here. I would agree that you should tell MM that until he is in a position to fully make that commitment, that you will date others. I think I kind of disagree that if you love someone you cannot date others, either. Being in love with someone who is not with you and prepared, ready or able to commit to you means that at some point, you have to make a decision to carry on living your life. Perpetually "waiting" is a very difficult place to be, emotionally, as I think most of us OW have discovered.
BB07 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Better yet........tell MM that you are tired of the BS and then go start having FUN and date lots.
20Seconds Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Better yet........tell MM that you are tired of the BS and then go start having FUN and date lots. :D It does feel good
newlife2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 What in the hell are you people talking about? Cheating?... on her MARRIED affair partner...? I haven't seen this one before, and frankly, I'm impressed. People in the OW/OM forum calling someone out regarding the morality of cheating on their cheater. Damn, I love this forum. I do agree with the idea of telling him, but not because it's the "right" thing to do. Let him know you have other options, because at this point that's all you are to him, an option. I didn't say she was 'cheating'. I said that there is something seriously wrong with this picture, if she is feeling the need to date. Namely, that she needs to cut ties with the OM if he is not enough for her or "there" for her (and I totally understand why). I am using this situation to make a point... that clearly this relationship is not enough for OP. It's time to get out, and make yourself REALLY available to someone. To me this is a symptom of being unsatisfied and needing more. "Dating" just for the fun of it is just putting a bandaid on the real issue.
fooled once Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Are you only doing this so that when he finds out (cause he probably will ... because you will tell him you have plans one night or a date...to test his reaction) he will plead with you to stay faithful to him (which he continues to work on his marriage)? I guess I am confused on your motivation. I agree that if you "love" him, you wouldn't want to date.
Author siuys Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Wow, all these responses. Very interesting indeed. Truth is, I don't really want to date other men. Yes, I re-activated my profile online but highly unlikely I will go on any date. I don't know, it was a spur of a moment decision, and I haven't carried it out yet as such. My heart is still very much into MM. In fact, he is doing much better - better by the week. It's all I can do - take it week by week. And I think it's perfectly normal sometimes to want to do something without really thinking about it...
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