Fmrbrknhrt22 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Hey guys, I've been seeing this girl about a month now, not exclusive yet, but Im hoping it might become that way in the near future. However, I am a bit concerned. I feel like I am usually the one who initiates conversation. That conversation being texting usually since we both dont like to talk on the phone much. We text nearly everyday, but i feel like i can only remember two occasions where she initiated the convo and one of those times she was drunk. My question is, am I overthinking this too much and am silly for letting it bother me that she rarely initiates or is this something I should be concerned about and might indicate her interest level isnt as high as I thought? We have a great time whenever we go out and there is a lot of chemistry I feel between us, but I have no idea what she is thinking deep down. Any suggestions on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Yes. Stop texting. Email, phone, text are just a means to set the NEXT date, not a way to communicate with someone you're starting to date and get to know. Oh, and do not ask her about it either!
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I've been going through my own personal experiment in the last few weeks. The thing is, I like to think that I know when a woman is interested in me. Whenever I've met someone and there has been strong interest (which is the only interest you should be after in a woman), there has never been an issue of who initiates communication, when or how often. It just happens. With my last girlfriend, we hit it off straight away and snogged (french kissed) on our first date. She was busy with work so we had a week between the first and second date, but we kept in contact and I was never in any doubt that she was very interested. Now fast forward to this month. I have a first date with a very attractive woman; she shows me all the signs of interest, and my hunch that she likes me is confirmed when we french kiss at the end of the date. I thought I had this one in the bag. From that point on, I hear precisely nothing from her. I called her a few days (Sunday) later to ask for a second date, she agrees but says it will have to a week on Thursday. In other words, eleven days between me calling her and the date. I just tell myself, she's busy and she's agreed to go out again, so what's the problem. Yet again, I hear absolutely nothing from her in those eleven days. Now my instinct and my experience is telling me "this ain't right. Interested women do not give you the silent treatment, regardless of how busy they are". But I thought I'd see what happens. Maybe this girl wants to take things very slowly. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we have a second date and then I ask her for a third date and the end. She agrees unequivocally, so I ignore the fact that she was cold and distant on date two, and that she has never once initiated contact. Yesterday I texted to confirm our third date for this Saturday (I'd called the night before with no answer) and I got the "can we just be friends" line from her. So in summary, I have learned my lesson. I'm constantly telling other people that "interested people act interested". Women especially, cannot help texting and calling you if they are truly interested. Even if they're trying to take things slowly. I will never again waste my time with a woman who never texts or calls between dates.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 She is just not that into you brother. Men in every corner of the world complain how their women always want to communicate 24/7. So if she doesnt even show the eagerness to talk to you then that speaks volume regarding how much interest she has in you my friend. Amen to that.
Titania22 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 The thing I can add is, if you are initiating texting her nearly everyday, she would likely never get the chance to miss you enough to initiate.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Hey guys, I've been seeing this girl about a month now, not exclusive yet, but Im hoping it might become that way in the near future. However, I am a bit concerned. I feel like I am usually the one who initiates conversation. That conversation being texting usually since we both dont like to talk on the phone much. We text nearly everyday, but i feel like i can only remember two occasions where she initiated the convo and one of those times she was drunk. My question is, am I overthinking this too much and am silly for letting it bother me that she rarely initiates or is this something I should be concerned about and might indicate her interest level isnt as high as I thought? We have a great time whenever we go out and there is a lot of chemistry I feel between us, but I have no idea what she is thinking deep down. Any suggestions on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! This is where communication is important. Some women will just take your effort for granted. Here is my suggestion. Sit her down face to face and tell her that although you like her... your not getting the feeling from her that she wants this. Give her some time to process and make a slight adjustment if she wants to move forward... and if not you have your answer. If she pitches a fit or walks after you tell her how you feel... then she isn't worth the effort anyways. The one thing I've learned over the last bit... is that women who require an egg shell type approach... are crap. I wont date them anymore.
Banega100 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 This is where communication is important. Some women will just take your effort for granted. Here is my suggestion. Sit her down face to face and tell her that although you like her... your not getting the feeling from her that she wants this. Give her some time to process and make a slight adjustment if she wants to move forward... and if not you have your answer. If she pitches a fit or walks after you tell her how you feel... then she isn't worth the effort anyways. The one thing I've learned over the last bit... is that women who require an egg shell type approach... are crap. I wont date them anymore. Fck that!!! I truly hope your other 2,900 posts aren't as deluded and misguided as this, because you're doing a disservice. He's been seeing her for a month! ONE MONTH! no ones going to be sitting any one down, and losing your manhood like you suggest. Here's what you should do, you back off, and you dont text, if she calls you out on it you say things have been a little bit hectic of late, and you ask her how she is. Also, if you get her on another date, chill straight away afterwards, dont speak to her for like 2 days or something, let her think about you a bit. You seem to have your head screwed on, so i trust you wont be having a chat or anything mental like that. Good luck.
Mellisa Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I think the texting/calling thing is different with girls.Girls are more likely the ones that wait to be called or texted intead of initiating them much too often.Maybe she just try not to show too much interest but doesnt mean she's not interested.Some girls are taught to play hard to get a little just too keep a guy more interested.
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Sit her down face to face and tell her that although you like her... your not getting the feeling from her that she wants this. Um no. Have some pride and dignity. If she's not that interested, move on. Banega: x 3. Well said.
that girl Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 He's been seeing this girl 1 month. I think all the "She's not into you, women who like you call you all them time!" comments are jumping the gun. She isn't his girlfriend. I would assume they've only seen each other 5 or 6 times at most. So what if she isn't initating the texting? It has been a month. It isn't like she is turning down dates or leaving him hanging for days after he calls.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 He's been seeing this girl 1 month. I think all the "She's not into you, women who like you call you all them time!" comments are jumping the gun. She isn't his girlfriend. I would assume they've only seen each other 5 or 6 times at most. So what if she isn't initating the texting? It has been a month. It isn't like she is turning down dates or leaving him hanging for days after he calls. Yeah. It might even be a sign of a winner. This is one of those "be careful what you wish for" things. I don't know about anyone else but I kinda prefer someone who isn't so into contacting me and initiating. I can sympathasize with wanting someone to initiate once in a while but this relationship is new and her keeping her cool could be a good sign. Be careful what you wish for--yes?
Sabali Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Well, OP, I will put it to you like this...but first I should ask how is the physical part of the relationship? Have you made any sort of move or could she be possibly waiting for you to make a move? Next thing is this: Do not expect the woman to contact you. That's right. Do not expect the woman to contact you no matter what her interest level is. You are the man. Expect to be the aggressor and to fly the damn ship. You control your own destiny and how much action and love you get. Don't leave it up to someone else. When you want to see her, call her. When you want a date, call her. Personally, I love this setup. I love not to be spoken to until I am ready to speak to you. When I am ready to speak to you, I call. When I am busy with other things, I won't call. I am certainly okay with her not calling but when I do call and I am ready to go out, I give the time I will pick her up. We go out and have fun. Maybe I can tell you something that will make you feel better. The main woman I am dating right now, I have been dating for about 3 months. We have had sex many times including this past weekend and have been on a bunch of dates. She has only initiated contact with me about 2 times since I have known her and those 2 contacts have been within the past couple of weeks. She never even called or email or anything for almost 3 months! She has only called me once out of the blue and that was this past weekend. The other two times was just to return calls that she missed from me. Another person I was recently dating never called me. She never called me! Not once. We were dating for about 2 months and had sex every time we went out on a date. She texted me once and emailed twice out of the blue but every time I called her up for a date, she was ready to go on that date. Another woman I recently dated never called me. She never called me. She would email me and ask me out on a date occasionally and when I emailed her randomly, her reply always involved asking me out on a date. My point here is that you can't hang your hat on who initiates the contact. You are in control of the situation. You are in the driver seat so you drive. Don't expect the passenger to take the wheel sometimes. This is why it makes me cringe when some guys say "the ball is in her court now." WTF!? The whole court should be yours. Court mine! So the ball is always in your court. Bounce the hell out of it! If you haven't gotten any of the physical part off of the ground at this point then you are just screwed at this point and just keep the above stuff in mind for the next woman. There are many, many women out there who believe that the man should be the one to call and initiate contact in the beginning stages of a relationship or dating. It would be unlady like for them to contact you. Keep these women in mind. So is she just waiting for you to advance that ball up the court or what?
Sabali Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 Yeah. It might even be a sign of a winner. This is one of those "be careful what you wish for" things. I don't know about anyone else but I kinda prefer someone who isn't so into contacting me and initiating. I can sympathasize with wanting someone to initiate once in a while but this relationship is new and her keeping her cool could be a good sign. Be careful what you wish for--yes? Yes. What he said...
Author Fmrbrknhrt22 Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Well update. We spent some one on one time together and she brang up that she felt things were going a bit "fast." She said she was still interested, but just wanted to slow things down a bit. I didn't bring up the fact that she didnt initiate texts and all that and took the advice of some of the posters who told me just to go with the flow and not make such a big deal out of the whole her not "initiating" things right away. I guess at this point I think Im just going to give her space. Saturday we are going to a party together, but I figure I will back off until then and let her sort things out. Thanks for the advice guys.
Don Ho Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 "A bit fast". That's womaneze for back the hell off or I'm not really that interested in you. I sure as hell wouldn't be in contact with her before your date, only just to confirm. After that, give her at least a week off.
Sabali Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 (edited) Man, when a woman tells a man things are going a bit fast, look out. This is a perfect time to plug my product: Always take it slow! Eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a healthy mind, body, and spirit. I bet you the fast stuff doesn't involve you physically handling her. If you move fast without physically handling her that probably means you were smothering the poor girl. Well, there's always Rosey... Edited October 29, 2010 by Sabali
Don Ho Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 You've been seeing her a month and you're texting her everyday? Yes, I would say that's smothering. Bro, texting, emailing and phone are just instruments to get the next date!! They are not for ongoing contact and "getting to know" someone, especially in the first few months! Like I said, you need to back way, way off especially with the texting.
daphne Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 OP, I wouldn't listen to the guys that say she's not interested enough because she doesn't initiate contact. There's a crazy new idea that somehow women like to contact men. We don't, early on. Not until we're in a relationship. That's how we gauge your interest. I dated a guy that started complaining about it, and I was kind of surprised. I told him that I'm not used to anyone expecting it early on. Women like to be pursued. That being said, contacting her everyday is not a good idea. You need to hold back and be a little mysterious. Do not smother her. Let her miss you and look forward to the time you do contact each other. Things to do if you want to get it wrong: 1- Expect a woman to pursue you and act like a man. Take on the female role. 2- Not take your time and go with the flow (as another poster said.) 3- Let your anxiety get the best of you to pursue her too hard. 4- Don't mirror her speed and interest level so you're too far ahead of her. Good luck
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