tman666 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 lol wut? Crying while "making love"? The only way I can see this happening is if I've been stranded on an island for 20 years without seeing another living soul, and then suddenly a boat driven by some amazingly gorgeous young lady picks me up and proceeds to jump my bones. They would be tears of joy.
carhill Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 From what I know of my male contemporaries, it would take a pretty disassociative and perhaps sociopathic personality to 'cry on command', a generally atypical male behavior and response, to achieve a logical and manipulative goal. 'Normal' men just aren't socialized like that. What I more commonly see is, past a tipping point, men who aren't used to expressing their emotions do so in somewhat surprising and erratic ways. No one really knows what that tipping point is. It sounds like the person in the example was immersed in such a dynamic; arguments, a break-up; strong feelings. Was he manipulating her? Possible, sure. BTW, when I was married, it was my exW sharing our private marital business, like the topic of this OP, with outsiders which caused me to disconnect from her and ultimately divorce her. Straight up, what goes on in my bedroom ain't none of anyone else's beewax
Author tkgirl Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 (edited) From what I know of my male contemporaries, it would take a pretty disassociative and perhaps sociopathic personality to 'cry on command', a generally atypical male behavior and response, to achieve a logical and manipulative goal. 'Normal' men just aren't socialized like that. What I more commonly see is, past a tipping point, men who aren't used to expressing their emotions do so in somewhat surprising and erratic ways. No one really knows what that tipping point is. It sounds like the person in the example was immersed in such a dynamic; arguments, a break-up; strong feelings. Was he manipulating her? Possible, sure. BTW, when I was married, it was my exW sharing our private marital business, like the topic of this OP, with outsiders which caused me to disconnect from her and ultimately divorce her. Straight up, what goes on in my bedroom ain't none of anyone else's beewax yeah... like I said, I do feel bad posting about it here... who knows what really happened between the two at that moment but them. My feeling is that he was trying to manipulate her by this little burst of "emotion".. especially when one day earlier he was being a total ass (her words) when she asked for some of the money her owes her... and then proceeded to break up with her! So I guess I started this thread because I wanted to know how "normal" his behavior was. My gut says it isn't normal and I basically don't trust the guy. I wish she would just dump his ass already... he lets her pay for everything, "cries" while doing it... I'm starting to think he is not only using her but that he has major mama issues! Edited October 28, 2010 by tkgirl
Zapbasket Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Haven't felt it myself, but I suppose I can somewhat empathize with it. If they were so romantically inclined, the mood was absolutely perfect, and so in love with one another that they're in disbelief... I guess I can see it happening? I mean, if this wasn't the case, she probably wouldn't be touched by it. I imagine it moreso as an unconscious trickle than straight up bawling tears. IF that's the case, it's like the guy reached nirvana. Sounds like an experience I'd envy, actually Exactly what Sivok said. I am really shocked at the responses on this thread. Tearing up while making love? That's so hot it turns me on just sitting here thinking about it. Outright bawling in the middle of things might unnerve me, but a little welling up, in the right mood, etc., I would find unbelievably sexy and romantic...particularly when in other ways, he's demonstrating that he loves me a whole lot.
carhill Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 OP, I think your concerns are warranted and, further, that seeking wider perspective on an *anonymous* discussion forum is healthy. My prior comments pertain to circumstances, as in my case, of my exW's GF's knowing our marital business and my having to look them in the eye with that knowledge. I found that dynamic to be reprehensible so acted in a way which was healthy for myself. Had she discussed it with a forum full of anonymous strangers? No biggie. Obviously your situation here is different in that this is a BF of a friend, but, for her benefit, I share a male perspective on such matters. I can guarantee you that my best friend, or any of my male friends, do *not* share what goes on with their wives in private. Generally, these are men who share their emotions freely, within the context of close friendships. I value that because, honestly, when I'm interacting with their wives, including sharing heartfelt affection, I *do not* want to have such revelations on my mind. IMO, some of this sort of dynamic was why I had some of my exW's GF's coming on to me at various points in our M. They knew too much, including how I expressed my emotions in private. Apologies for the OT but I thought it a pertinent aside to how men can view such emotional dynamics. My best advice for your friend is to accept things as they are and to do what is healthy for her. If she likes the dynamic as it is, go with that. If not, communicate boundaries and enforce them. If that causes him to 'break up' and then cry about it later, then that's what it does. She's in control of her actions. The more she promotes the cycle of the rubber band, the more the snap hurts when it snaps back. Up to her.
Author tkgirl Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 OP, I think your concerns are warranted and, further, that seeking wider perspective on an *anonymous* discussion forum is healthy. My prior comments pertain to circumstances, as in my case, of my exW's GF's knowing our marital business and my having to look them in the eye with that knowledge. I found that dynamic to be reprehensible so acted in a way which was healthy for myself. Had she discussed it with a forum full of anonymous strangers? No biggie. Obviously your situation here is different in that this is a BF of a friend, but, for her benefit, I share a male perspective on such matters. I can guarantee you that my best friend, or any of my male friends, do *not* share what goes on with their wives in private. Generally, these are men who share their emotions freely, within the context of close friendships. I value that because, honestly, when I'm interacting with their wives, including sharing heartfelt affection, I *do not* want to have such revelations on my mind. IMO, some of this sort of dynamic was why I had some of my exW's GF's coming on to me at various points in our M. They knew too much, including how I expressed my emotions in private. Apologies for the OT but I thought it a pertinent aside to how men can view such emotional dynamics. My best advice for your friend is to accept things as they are and to do what is healthy for her. If she likes the dynamic as it is, go with that. If not, communicate boundaries and enforce them. If that causes him to 'break up' and then cry about it later, then that's what it does. She's in control of her actions. The more she promotes the cycle of the rubber band, the more the snap hurts when it snaps back. Up to her. thanks Carhill I am concerned about my friend and what this guy is doing to her but I am going to keep it to myself... ie not say anything to her.. just to everyone on here I know I have my own trust issues when it comes to guys and maybe I'm projecting them on to her BF. So for now I'll just see how things play out with them and will be there for her if she needs me.
carhill Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 IMO, if she *asks* your opinion, share your perspective based on your life experience, using 'I' statements, but without naming names. Otherwise, support her path, cognizant of your own needs as a friend. If you have trust issues, qualify your opinion with that modifier. Clear communication facilitates health.
Confusedalways Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Exactly what Sivok said. I am really shocked at the responses on this thread. Tearing up while making love? That's so hot it turns me on just sitting here thinking about it. Outright bawling in the middle of things might unnerve me, but a little welling up, in the right mood, etc., I would find unbelievably sexy and romantic...particularly when in other ways, he's demonstrating that he loves me a whole lot. Definitely on board with GC & Sivok here. It's threads like this that make it no wonder why men are afraid to show their emotions-- apparently it's 'ridiculous' and 'stupid.'
tigressA Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Definitely on board with GC & Sivok here. It's threads like this that make it no wonder why men are afraid to show their emotions-- apparently it's 'ridiculous' and 'stupid.' I agree! I was really rather disappointed to see the responses here in this thread. Even the title of the thread, with the "would you even admit to this?" implies that a man should feel ashamed for crying in this circumstance, or even feeling the urge to do so.
Author tkgirl Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Definitely on board with GC & Sivok here. It's threads like this that make it no wonder why men are afraid to show their emotions-- apparently it's 'ridiculous' and 'stupid.' I agree! I was really rather disappointed to see the responses here in this thread. Even the title of the thread, with the "would you even admit to this?" implies that a man should feel ashamed for crying in this circumstance, or even feeling the urge to do so. I'm all for guys showing emotions! in fact, I love it when I guy lets his guard down and starts opening up to me... but I still wouldn't want him to start crying about it then... afterwards is ok! anyho... to each his (or her) own... IMO, if she *asks* your opinion, share your perspective based on your life experience, using 'I' statements, but without naming names. Otherwise, support her path, cognizant of your own needs as a friend. If you have trust issues, qualify your opinion with that modifier. Clear communication facilitates health. good advice, thanks again Carhill!
GorillaTheater Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I've teared up a couple of times during f*cking Hallmark commercials, of all things. During sex? No, it's never occurred to me. Nothing wrong with it, in my opinion. It's certainly no weirder than getting misty-eyed over an ad for a greeting card.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Oh yeah baby, that's good...boo hoo hoo, oh yeah, sugar...boo hoo hoo...yeah, right there...boo hoo hoo, just like that...boo hoo hoo, doesn't work for me.
LittleTiger Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I've experienced every emotion known to man/woman during sex. I've giggled, gasped, sighed, laughed out loud, shed tears of love/joy/sadness and sobbed (afterwards). It all depends on the circumstances what emotion is released, but I'm certainly not afraid to express how I feel. I've known men to experience pretty much the same sort of emotions - although I've never been aware of tears from a man during sex. If I ever do see it happen, I won't be shocked or surprised. Men are human, just like women. The only reason they rarely cry is because society has taught them not to. Threads like this one will reinforce the ridiculous belief that real men don't cry. I like men who aren't afraid to show their emotions - a man who feels free to express himself, whether it be happiness, excitement, fear, sadness, anger, grief or passion is sexy as h*ll to me. If a man ever cries whilst having sex with me I will feel honoured that he was able to let himself go to that extent in my presence. That's what true intimacy is about. This thread makes me wonder how many men reach that level of intimacy with their partners, or whether, even during sex with a woman they love, they still keep themselves at a 'safe' emotional distance. If so, I find that rather sad.
NickelbackFan Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I hope no one here gives you crap about that... I think in that situation it totally makes sense... and I commend you for having the guts to share your story here! Not a problem, back then was a rocky time in my life. The end of a relationship can turn a mands mind into turmoil I have learned. But I do go by the old adage: Tis have better to have loved and lost then to marry a woman you cannot defrost.
SilentVoice Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Please bare with me , I have never been in love . But as of right now . I think I would laugh at a guy -- if he cried during sex. I would laugh at a women if she cried during sex. I would laugh at myself. Wait, do people really cry during sex? I mean like " OMG I am so in love " tears.
SilentVoice Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Well Ill break the ice. I am a grown man, 32 and yes I have cried during sex one time. Before I get the verbal back lash and vitriol aimed at me, let explain to you the cirucmstances. About eight years ago, I was engaged and with a girl for four years, things didn't work out and I was in a deep depression afterwords. I didn't want to eat, sleep, just lost alot of interest in things I usually had interest in, sex being one of them. Well, in one of my spouts of depression one of my close female friends who I have slept with before prior to my relationship slept over one night to keep me company because I didn't want to be alone. We slept in the same bed and sex was the last thing on my mind. I guess she wanted to cheer me up and try to arouse me, it worked but I couldn't take my mind off my ex girlfriend. I didn't have any performance problems, maintained an erection had sex for a good 45 mins but towards the end I became very emotional because my mind wasn't in the right place and began to cry. She understood and we just slept next to eachother the whole night. Now I am awaiting the flaming. This is different. You weren't crying over the sex , just during .If that makes sense. This is very acceptable.
LittleTiger Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Wait, do people really cry during sex? I mean like " OMG I am so in love " tears. Yes. ......
carhill Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Yes, for some, sex is more then 'I wanna cum on your face'. Shockers
Sabali Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Yes, for some, sex is more then 'I wanna cum on your face'. Shockers It...is...so...tempting to use this in my favor.
SilentVoice Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Yes. ...... Shockers , lol hmm ,that must be nice. I mean to really cry,Wow!
EasyHeart Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I have never cried during sex. But I cry a lot before sex. It goes along with the begging and pleading.
Author tkgirl Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 wow (again) I didn't expect this thread to go this... extreme? anyho.. I originally asked because the whole concept was foreign to me... to have a guy cry during sex i.e it never happened to me. I have had a few BFs cry to me at other times and yes, that was touching... most of the time! and it's good to know that they are some guys out there that do get that emotional and that it can... and does happen. but I still worry my friend is dating a total sociopath and his crying act was just that... an act... but who knows since I was not there! thanks again for all the responses!
Surrealist Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Define crying. Was it a boisterous crying out loud like a whaling baby or shedding a few tears. He might of just had something caught in his eye for all we know and his eyes teared to rid the foreign invader but the good bloke that he is, wanting to keep his babe happy, didn't stop to get it out and kept pumping like a man!! Yet here we are judging the poor guy conjuring up all these images of a guy having a big sook while screwing.
carhill Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Since it's not the sexual forum, without being too graphic, imagine looking into his eyes, wet with tears not flowing, and him telling you he loves you so much and wants to be like this with you always. This, to me is what lovemaking is all about and why I often rail against casual f*ck-buddy, come on my face baby oo la la, perspectives. It's a gift humans are given, both the emotional and physical components. What we do with it is up to us. Ultimate vulnerability; ultimate connection; ultimate reward. Joy, hope, sadness and fear all combined into one flowing act of unity. Think about that. A little
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