TomerT Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 (edited) Hi all, I see there are a lot of "dumped" people here, that looking for their answers and trying to understand what they did wrong. I hope this may help you. About 1.5 months ago I was brutally dumped by my gf. She was always saying me that I am love of her life, "a knight in shining armour", the best thing that happened to her, her soul-mate, gorgeuos...blah blah blah... In short - she left to vacation, after few weeks came back pregnant with her X. I didn't know anything about this, came to meet her at airport and couldn't even approach her. Few hours later I was asked by her mother not to initiate any contact with her, cause her new/old bf (whatever) completely controlling her and very jealous. We talked only once, may be 5 mins - she called me hiding from the toilet, saying she is sorry (I still don't understand what about exactly she is sorry), she is confused, doesn't know how it happened, it wasn't planned, she thinking about abortion, if I may consider to take her back....the funny thing that I really considered to take her back if I could see real regret and taking responsibility (she told me it was "Lord will", family pushed her, my fault...whoever, but only not hers)... Nevermind..since then she tried to call me few times, but I ignored her calls. So we didn't talk ~37 days and last time she tried to call me was 28 days ago. Of course, I was dying to talk with her and understand what happened and to have some answers, but I expected her to come to me and look into my face and not to hide behind the phone and disconnect when it's not convinient. Anyway, I made a lot of research trying to understand what did I do wrong, what happened in order to make my own closure (since from her, most likely, I will never receive genuine answers even if I will see her one day). So the article below http://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/10_beliefs.pdf I think answered my all questions. I really strarted to feel reliefed and even not angry at her anymore, cause most likely she is a "sick" person and this is just no right to be angry at them... pity - may be... Also, it made me understand something about myself and my patterns. I saw red flags, but ignored them...So it probably, partially my fault either. I am paying for my mistakes and weak character, that I didn't break up with her when I had a chance and a reason (and I had plenty...but the same day she was in my bed and the problems "were solved"...till another time). I learnt a lot from this, hope you may also. Edited October 28, 2010 by TomerT
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Good Tomer. I'm not sure how you came up with the diagnosis that she has BPD (you never mentioned it before) but I can see why you thought the article was helpful. You're doing the right thing moving forward. Keep going.
coltsfan1 Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 great link!!! that was good reading and hit close to home, not with me but with my x. thanks!!!
Author TomerT Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Good Tomer. I'm not sure how you came up with the diagnosis that she has BPD (you never mentioned it before) but I can see why you thought the article was helpful. You're doing the right thing moving forward. Keep going. Of course I am not a diploma psychologist...But I can relate too many signs that I observed and couldn't relate. It quite fits to the description of BPD (sometimes even the same words or actions). Also, may be she doesn't have "full blown" BPD, but I think it is very close...In anycase, I do believe, without being a psychologist that this girl (and many other people, may be including me) have some kind of undiagnosed disorder....I can not see "normal" human being, be so selfish and heartless. I think it is a disorder !
ganbare Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I don't know if my ex has BPD either but after reading the document and looking it up on wikipedia I did discover a lot of similarities. It's hard to get all the answers but it is natural for the human mind to find "reasons" to put the traumatic events in the past in some valid framework and perspective.
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