khria Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 (edited) Hi all, my question is general: How much time during the week (not weekends) do you spend with your SO? How much time is 'normal' for you? I've been seeing my partner for all of 7.5 months. We are exclusive and in a committed relationship. We are also sexually active. Because of our schedules, it is hard to see each other during the week. And for the last 7 months, I've accepted a 'see you on the weekends' arrangement (we talk when we can on weekdays). What's the problem? 7 months into things, and I'm starting to feel like this once a week deal is becoming permanent. I'd like to see my SO more often during the week now. My expectations are starting to change because I'm feeling closer to my SO. So I see this as a positive thing. The problem is, I don't think he entirely agrees with me--started giving me lots of reasons why this would be difficult, scheduling, both of our workloads, tiredness, etc. I'm not talking seeing each other everyday, just maybe an extra day here or there (and so, I ward off any accusations of the 'needy girl' syndrome. 3 or 4 days together is not too much to ask, is it? I already feel like I'm giving him a lot of space). I'm obviously a little hurt by this, and feel like I want more face time, while he's fine with weekends. It's making it harder to feel emotionally and physically available to him. And I've considered ending it (not because he's a bad bf, but because this difference is hard for me to accept right now and I can't help but feel really hurt a lot). Other than 'communicate' and 'talk about it,' I'm open to any suggestions about how to deal with this, or just to hear your objective opinions about how much face time is necessary, whether it sounds like I'm asking for too much, etc. btw, this is not a long-distance relationship: we live in the same city and he owns a car. Edited October 28, 2010 by khria
Idalis Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I'm not a big fan of routines in any form, so yes I can see how it would be nice to have spontaneity every once in while. Can you arrange a spontaneous dinner every other week? How far do you live from each other? My bf and I live far apart but when we lived 30 mins away from each other we saw each other daily, it was awesome (especially compared to now when I see him every 1 to 2 weeks ) but it also didnt give us much time to do other stuff. I think 3 to 5 days a week is not too much time for a serious, adult relationship, as long as its not a forced schedule. Like if something else comes up you should be able to go your own ways with out anyone feeling bad about it. If your bf is okay with just w/e's but youre not then you may have to do some of the legwork of going over or planning stuff, unless he's opposed to hanging out at all, in which case, well... I would re-evaluate everything.
Sabali Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Other than 'communicate' and 'talk about it,' I'm open to any suggestions about how to deal with this, or just to hear your objective opinions about how much face time is necessary, whether it sounds like I'm asking for too much, etc. . Well, this situation does call for objectivity. It is by far and large subjective. How much time spent with your significant other is necessary for you to be fulfilled. This value is different for everyone. So how much time is necessary for you to be fulfilled? I hope it is reasonable because if the guy has a demanding career and is highly motivated then he probably won't budge much. Anyway, after 7.5237 months, it is reasonable to want to spend more time with the person you are growing closer to. It is only natural. It is not unreasonable at all to want to spend an extra day a week together. This is not being needy and if you can have sex twice a week why settle for once a week? Right? We all have needs. Tell him that you guys have been together for all of this time and it has progressed to the point where you want to spend a bit more time with him. Start small. Tell him that you guys should meet up one more time per week for a meal or something. You can expand this as time go on. Small adjustments over time causes less friction than huge changes. As he grows closer to you it will be easier to up this time as time goes on.
yah Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Well, SO and I get together once mid-week and then we spend the weekend (Fri - Sun) together. I'm happy with this arrangement. It's not stuck in stone; we may get together on a random day as well. We talk at least for a few mins each day to check up on each other. So basically we see each other 3-4d/wk. No, I don't think 3-4x/wk is too much to ask. However, by Sunday we're usually looking forward to have some time apart so I can see it his resistance. Maybe just start making plans with him mid- next week and then afterwards tell him how much you LOVEEEEE seeing him out of the blue. He'll catch on and think it was his idea.
Author khria Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 thanks all, all really helpful comments. I think it's is just a matter of being the first person, and starting things off myself. He hasn't 'refused' to do this, just pointed out the difficulties. So I'll try taking that tack, and we'll see what happens.
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