Can't stop crying... Gf dumped me yerstaday after 3 years

[salahbb]

Hi everyone,

 

I found a lot of releif reading lots of tread from this forum. My girlfriend just dumped me after a 3 year relationship. We ve had ups and downs , giving the fact that I am 22 still in school and she is 29 and just starting a new job. Back in the days I wasnt that much in love with her, but was really caught up with the routine, and the help she gave me putting my life together. She helped overall become another man; gave me confidence, hope and self esteem. However, I wasnt really think further than the present with her. Until this summer , I went back to france to renew my student visa, but something came up and the embassy told that it wasnt sure that I would have my visa back. After the interview at the embassy, the first one I called to give the bad news was Renee ( my ex-girlfriend) and she proposed to join me right away in paris from washington DC, to help sort this situation out, I think I felt completly in love at this particular moment, my feelings for her got soooo intense, I couldnt bear to not speak to her after couple hours. However, when I got back to Washington middle auguste, she was changed completely, she would have more plans with her friends and see me less that what she would want in the past. Naturally, her change of behavior made me want her even more, so I kept calling her all the time to make sure she wasnt going off board. Then, last month, she got a new job proposal, and she wanted to go to Puerto Rico for couple of days to de-stress before taking over the new job. Last night I picked her up from the airport, told me to park cause she had something to tell me, and then renee told me " I need sometime for myself, I don't I can handle a relationship anymore", and than I snapped out and started crying and told her that I loved her, and I will be willing to die to make this relationship work, then she left crying as well...

Since this morning, I can't do anything, tried to go to a movie but got out half way, tried to go to class but wouldnt work. I can't stop crying in my room. She is everything to me...I just dont understand why she would want to stop right now....

Also, she is coming to pick up her stuff from my apartement this friday...what should I do when I see her...

I just love her to death...

[Green]

If it makes you feel any better she was kind of old for you. I mean I'm all for age diferences when its the guy dating the younger girl lol.

 

Lots of people go through what your going through now and get over it. Just stop thinking about her, and don't contact her or let her contact you. With time you will start to feel better. Just hang in there I've been there

[salahbb]

Thanks Green,

It's funny because she used to be the one sooo in love for me , and now that she was distant I couldnt stop chasing her. Now I am going through something very hurtful, Its feels like a disease.... It's funny how love can be a cure and a disease almost at the same time... ]

I just f....ing love her.... what to do , what to do ???

[Capital P]

you didnt care - she loved you

you chased - she vanished

 

So you know from this point that if you chase AT ALL it will jus put her off even more.

Go NC, preserve your dignity and wait for her to regret it

[lapse]

If it makes you feel any better she was kind of old for you. I mean I'm all for age diferences when its the guy dating the younger girl lol.

 

Lots of people go through what your going through now and get over it. Just stop thinking about her, and don't contact her or let her contact you. With time you will start to feel better. Just hang in there I've been there

 

hehe now that is so much easier said! Does anyone have a switch they can just flip to stop thinking about someone? I'm really curious if others have an easier time with this than I do. For me, it takes time and discipline. But I will admit, because of the intensity with which I delve into my pain, I also process the loss than move on faster than my exes, who seem to be able to turn themselves off for a long time immediately after, only to return to the issue much later.

[kkgirl543]

be super nice and comforting and friendly to her when you see her and then maybe you guys will start kissing and make up

[salahbb]

But what does it mean when you she told me when she broke up " I love you with all my heart, this have nothing to do with love, I just don't think I can handle a relationship right now " ....how confusing is that ?

[Capital P]

be super nice and comforting and friendly to her when you see her and then maybe you guys will start kissing and make up

 

DONT do that. She will walk all over you And stop crying man, your 22 not 12.

If you want to attract her u have to be a strong man. women are never attracted to weakness, ever!

If she knows your crying she will think its pathetic. It is NOt attractive.

Play the game and she may come back. Dont fall apart dude its not worth it

[salahbb]

And how to you recover when the whole city you live in reminds you of her, virtually every corner of the city that I walk or would walk in the future would remind of moment that I spent with .... At this point I havent gone out of my room for 5 hours straight and havent eaten in 24 hours, and I have a midterm tom at 8:30 am ....

If I ever get out of this pain, how to you open you heart to somebody else?

[skydiveaddict]

And how to you recover when the whole city you live in reminds you of her, virtually every corner of the city that I walk or would walk in the future would remind of moment that I spent with .... At this point I havent gone out of my room for 5 hours straight and havent eaten in 24 hours, and I have a midterm tom at 8:30 am ....

If I ever get out of this pain, how to you open you heart to somebody else?

 

You are overwhelmed right now. I would be too. If you can finish out your school term you are a tougher man than I am.

I know how you feel.

As for "getting out of this pain", it's been over a year for me and the pain is still here, I don't think it will ever leave entirely.. So I trust nobody anymore. Opening my heart to somebody else is something I will never consider again. So I can't tell you how to do that, but I wish you good luck.

[strength-abounds]

Dude, really? You were away and when you returned, she was a different person. You, my friend, have been replaced.

 

Now is the time where you find yourself again. Institute NC. Pack up and put away all her s*** that remind you of her. Start a gym membership and work out. Exercise is a great stress reliever and mind settler. Go out and meet new people. Study harder. Do something to get your mind off her.

 

LS is a great community. We all have walked in your shoes; and it will be hard walk for you as well. But you will survive.

 

Crying, begging, and pleading will only solidify her decision to dump you.

 

Best wishes brother.

[xpaperxcutx]

The both of you are at different points in life. Just the age difference can account for it. You're still in school but your ex is at that stage where she's building and expanding her career. Even if she does stay with you, she will eventually want to settle down and probably start a family, especially going into her 30's. Would you have honestly saw yourself getting married in the near future if she hadn't broken up with you? You were the one who stated that you only realized you " loved" her now, after a 3 year span.

[thatsonlyme]

And how to you recover when the whole city you live in reminds you of her, virtually every corner of the city that I walk or would walk in the future would remind of moment that I spent with .... At this point I havent gone out of my room for 5 hours straight and havent eaten in 24 hours, and I have a midterm tom at 8:30 am ....

If I ever get out of this pain, how to you open you heart to somebody else?

 

I might be wrong but I'll assume you lived in the same city before you met your ex. You had your life before her, girls before her, friends before her. Remember that time and take it from there.

I never had any of that. The first person I met in this city, in this country was my ex. My whole life here, all memories, vacations, cities were with her. All my friends are our mutual friends. I don't even have that many friends because I dedicated 5 years of my life to her, never even tried to have anything on my own.

 

But I survived. 2 months later I feel a lot better. I'm still alone, making new friends is a very slow process, she keeps contacting me and slowing down my progress but I'm getting stronger each passing day!

 

You're 9 years younger than me, you go to school and you have much better prospects of meeting new girls. Just do it! get out of the house, join the gym, meet some girls and try to forget about her.

 

I know how it feels, don't be embarrassed and cry if you have to. I cried like a baby for a whole month! 31 yo man crying, so what! I still cry sometimes. Losing her made me feel worse than losing my father!

 

f**k, she's calling me right now! I'm not picking up.

 

Stay strong my friend!

[coltsfan1]

listen to the advice on here man!! be polite when she comes to get her stuff, don't even talk with her about it AT ALL, maybe have a buddy come over after she gets there to pick you up to go out. That way she has to come and go on your terms!! DO NOT ACT LIKE A CHILD, it makes you look weak, no woman wants to be with a weak man. She doesn't determine who you are as a person!! stay strong and good luck!!

[xinchao123]

Dude, You do act like a child and at the moment that's normal I totally recommend you crying . But for how long is what matters. You'll stop eventually but try to shorten it your way. You probably won't function well in the next days, but it will get better with time. Let the mourning/grieving process happen naturally, don't push yourself you WILL fall. God bless you my friend

[Oscar Wilde]

I urge You to read this post ASAP!!!!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

Bests regards!

 

OScar

[Hhhh]

Only time can mend a broken heart some people are bitter on this site that's why they are rude just get on with your life one day at a time it will get better it's a bitch but it does get better

 

And your a catch your 22 and she's 29? You will find someone your age you should start looking for your ideal women because she wasn't it you didn't love her in the beginning? Am I right holla?

[salahbb]

Thank you all for the response,

 

I just woke up, mornings are definetly the hardest time since I used to have by my side when I would wake up and we would couttle. This is day 2 of being alone, I didnt go to class again today, this women is 50 % of me. She is an angel, the reason why I wasnt that much in love at the begenning of our relationship it was because I was working in an environment that didnt help at all (night clubs). She made me quite from all this, get my life and my finance together , stop getting wasted all the time etc... and helped me get in the school of my dreams ( GWU). This is my first semester at this school, I am a transfer from a community college. And now that I started to have some colors in my life , thats when she leave for not particular reason. To be honest all my life I have been going out with older girls, I tried to go out with girl my age but didnt work out.... Renee was everything I was looking for...I just don't understand whjy??? I was too yound why she didnt left me at the begenning....

This so painful, I want to go back to sleep but cant...

[Disasterpiece]

I can undersatnd you buddy. My gf just dumped me 2 weeks ago for someone else over a text message. The first few days/week is really rough, but you have to allow yourself to grieve for the relationship. Stop calling her, texting, email. Show her that you dont need her around or for your happiness. Its going to be very hard for you but trust me time heals all wounds. And if in the future she decides she wants you back you will be the one to decide. When you see her, try your best not to show any emotions, especially with an older woman you do not want to be clingy and needy. That will make her want you less. You are still very young and can tell you have a good heart, just be good to yourself and you will make it through just fine.

[salahbb]

This is day 3 after break up, this morining I do feel a little better since I played playstation with my boys all night last night. Howver, I cant get over the fact and I am obsessed about the fact that she could have another man, or maybe that she left fro anoteher man? How can I get over this , I dont want to be looking for that answer...I need to get over that for the sake of my heart and my mind?

She will be coming Saturday afternoon to pick up her stuff....I am more confuse that ever...I wonder what happens in her mind, if she is having a bad time as a I do.... 3 years is whole lot, she got be in pain right now no matter what... but why would she put herself in so much pain.... I dont f***ing understand...I am so confuse

[iamawesome]

My 0.02,

 

If you love them, let them go. It's one of the most important aspects in learning to love someone. Life is full of love that is let go. Death. Children growing older, circumstance.

 

Love yourself so you always have love to give others. Don't worry about her being with other men. That will drive you to madness if you go down that path. Instead, acknowledge that she is no longer the person you know and that this new person has different wants and needs. Let her do her thing so you can find someone that wants you.

 

Cheers!

[reknown29]

very well put. listen to the advice on not to worry about her being with other men. she will be with other men and there is nothing you can do about it. you and I both have to move on. even if our girls want to get back with us, we probably wouldnt want to. they dumped us! that kind of pain is hard to put aside. the sad thing is that the relationship will never be the same once a person leaves.

 

my advice: mourn the death of the relationship. realizes it could never be the same. let your thoughts of this girl subside. dont think about women at all for a little while. work on your hobbies. appreciate the litle things that you probably didnt appreciate before, like certain friendships.

[salahbb]

Helly guys,

I just felt that I could give you poeple some update on how i feel after more than month,

To be honest, I still think about her everyday, still pass by her work building every morning on my way to school. I do it so much that It has become a habit, I finally "bumped" into her last wednesday just because I couldnt not stand to not see her for more than a week. When I saw her , it felt good, actually very good but it just puts you back to point one. However, I do feel a whole lot better, i cry less and less and shorter times, but knowing that she loved the whole time we were together and that she was actually hurt by the brake made me feel a little better.

I still cry sometimes, like last night , but i think its because i am still not used to not talk to her for an extended period of time. Now it has been one official week of no contact and my goal is to wait one more week and pass by her apart complex and give her the promised chirstams gift.

 

Guys , We are all going throught one of the taughest past of our lives- my GPA went down tremendously this semester. But as a wise men told me not long ago, " See this as life giving a second chance, a second change to have somebody 1000 times more wonderful than the one before." I know one thing , the longer you dont contact them, the quicker they will regret it . " The best words spoken are the one not said" and be "Proud of the scars in your soul, it shows that you had an intense life"

 

Thank you so much,

Still in recovery

[restart]

Well, to add a different things perhaps.

I'm not for NC, why? Because life is too short, and I'm for MC, ie maintain contact, don't kill it, always leave it open. As you grow older, and you are still quite young, you realize that even a chat or whatever, with someone you once loved, is absolutely great. Why?

Because the possibilities are vastly greater than NC.

Because how many days do we have where there are just routines, and we end up wondering and surely regretting that there isnt that someone to call and know that they'll respond, and that just the response can make your day.

Because with NC, you end up pining for quite awhile, no matter who you are, unless miraculously you have someone else in your life, and most the time we don't, not immediately anyway.

Ok, so what to do and how to do it.

Well, communicate (but dont overdo it, there is ALWAYS tomorrow with MC, but not with NC, so you rethink and ask something else again perhaps, and perhaps a meeting or whatever) and hold your emotions fully in check. Find out, honestly from her, her real reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship "right now". Whats it to her really to tell you, she's found someone else, or whatever the reason, if she doesnt want to be with you, at least tell you. Now the hard part of course, is you dealing with it. It could be just your habits, and whatever, I'm just throwing out ideas. Or it could be her changing maturity level, and really there's not much you can do if it is a strong argument on her part (backed with reasons of course!).

So be strong, you are young, and I would rather you grow stronger by learning MC, rather than NC. With MC, I would say you are much better preparing for that (final?) relationship(s), and certainly in marriage MC is clearly better than flipping out, then going NC, then divorce etc. I really wonder why we cope out and let EMOTIONS essentially run us by going NC, when we have so much inner strength to curb our emotions and maintain better health.

Its started working for me on later relationships I've had, and it feels great. As said, the NC is really tough, and how many NC's do you really want to go thru, are you gonna really be that much stronger after, or with MC you would have certainly strengthened yourself way more.

So, of course, your part is only half. She would have to be willing to MC, if it makes sense.

Final note: what I'm really saying about MC, also means hey get on with others things in your life as well, focus on physical (ie exercise till it burns you out)/mental things (more for preoccupation, but don't burn out at your work or studies...). Use the MC to learn and get thru or maybe with hope ever better... you can't ever get that with NC.

Does it make some sense? Regardless if you agree or take note with me, keep your chin up, young or old, you have a head on your shoulders to deal with these things, not just a response mechanism that makes you wanna jump off a cliff!

[fiat500]

Well, to add a different things perhaps.

I'm not for NC, why? Because life is too short, and I'm for MC, ie maintain contact, don't kill it, always leave it open. As you grow older, and you are still quite young, you realize that even a chat or whatever, with someone you once loved, is absolutely great. Why?

Because the possibilities are vastly greater than NC.

Because how many days do we have where there are just routines, and we end up wondering and surely regretting that there isnt that someone to call and know that they'll respond, and that just the response can make your day.

Because with NC, you end up pining for quite awhile, no matter who you are, unless miraculously you have someone else in your life, and most the time we don't, not immediately anyway.

Ok, so what to do and how to do it.

Well, communicate (but dont overdo it, there is ALWAYS tomorrow with MC, but not with NC, so you rethink and ask something else again perhaps, and perhaps a meeting or whatever) and hold your emotions fully in check. Find out, honestly from her, her real reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship "right now". Whats it to her really to tell you, she's found someone else, or whatever the reason, if she doesnt want to be with you, at least tell you. Now the hard part of course, is you dealing with it. It could be just your habits, and whatever, I'm just throwing out ideas. Or it could be her changing maturity level, and really there's not much you can do if it is a strong argument on her part (backed with reasons of course!).

So be strong, you are young, and I would rather you grow stronger by learning MC, rather than NC. With MC, I would say you are much better preparing for that (final?) relationship(s), and certainly in marriage MC is clearly better than flipping out, then going NC, then divorce etc. I really wonder why we cope out and let EMOTIONS essentially run us by going NC, when we have so much inner strength to curb our emotions and maintain better health.

Its started working for me on later relationships I've had, and it feels great. As said, the NC is really tough, and how many NC's do you really want to go thru, are you gonna really be that much stronger after, or with MC you would have certainly strengthened yourself way more.

So, of course, your part is only half. She would have to be willing to MC, if it makes sense.

Final note: what I'm really saying about MC, also means hey get on with others things in your life as well, focus on physical (ie exercise till it burns you out)/mental things (more for preoccupation, but don't burn out at your work or studies...). Use the MC to learn and get thru or maybe with hope ever better... you can't ever get that with NC.

Does it make some sense? Regardless if you agree or take note with me, keep your chin up, young or old, you have a head on your shoulders to deal with these things, not just a response mechanism that makes you wanna jump off a cliff!

 

Hey restart. I think "MC" would work with two mature adults. But if it involves at least one immature person, it won't. Most of the time after someone breaks up with you, they really don't see you the same way they used to. Not even as a friend. They pity you if you try to talk to them after a break up. I don't see how more contact would get past that particular hurdle?